


Broken Crown

by LR1032



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:12:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LR1032/pseuds/LR1032
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In this twilight our choices seal our fate"</p><p> </p><p>Sequel to<br/>Baby, I'm Howling for You</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"She is gone but she used to be mine and it's not what I asked for. Sometimes life just slips in through back door, carves out the person and makes you believe it's so true. And now I've got you and you're not what I asked for. If I'm honest I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over. Rewrite an ending or two for the girl that I knew."

 

The warmth splashing across her pale skin was a welcomed feeling. The curtains were parted in just the right places for the fresh sunshine to catch the drifting dust particles and lighten the room, dancing its way across the raven girl’s porcelain face. The mornings when the brain awakens before the body are something to be experienced; your eyelids stay peacefully shut and your limbs motionless. In that exact moment you are at peace, unaware of the past or future. 

Ryder inhaled deeply, letting fresh, cool air travel into her lugs and wake her sleeping body. She rubbed her cheek against the silk pillowcase, allowing the memories to drip back into her as if they were single droplets of rain during a spring shower. The coolness of the bedsheets mixed with the warmth of the sun created the perfect cocoon for her to spend her days. The woman knew she could lay here uninterrupted for hours until someone would quietly peek through the door to check on her. 

Her hands slowly slid along the bed only to be met with empty spaces surrounding her. Her feet untangled themselves from the pale lilac sheet before the blankets fell from her completely. It was only then, when a quick rush of brisk air nipped at her, that her eyes fluttered open.

The room was crisp with morning vibes and fresh flowers on the bedside table; a mix of lemon yellow and stark white daisy’s floating in a vase of water. If Ryder tried hard enough she swore she could smell their natural perfume. With a lazy roll onto her back, her midnight tinted locks sprawled in every direction beneath her. Ryder lay like a starfish in the middle of the bed, eyes trained on the boringly white ceiling above her. 

“I’m going to tear you down; break you into so many pieces that you’ll never be able to be whole again.” 

Her eyes shut mechanically at the memory; a recognizable unhappiness exuding from her pores. It had only been two weeks and she was not expecting the array of unwanted feelings to dissipate anytime soon. Months of being held against her will; she witnessed her own memories fade with every passing minute, the iron smell of blood fresh in her nostrils and the screams still echoing through her ears. It was not something a person would recover from quickly, if at all. 

With yet another deep breath, Ryder pushed herself up with her palms; waist sliding backwards to meet the edge of the fluffy pillows. An oversized, borrowed tee hung loosely from her petite frame; a pair of black sweatpants that once fit perfectly now slid down her waist, forcing her to tie the waist strings in a double knot. The girl’s knees came up to meet her chest, arms wrapping loosely around to hold them in place. Her eyes shifted to the right where the curtains were half drawn. To the left, a bare desk with nothing but an alarm clock flashing 8:08. Across the room, a vacated chair was wedged in the corner. There was a half folded blanket placed atop and a crooked pair of sneakers below. Ryder did not need to question who they belonged to.

As a reluctant sigh drifted between her lips, the woman slid stiffly to the edge of the bed, teetering on her heels before standing up fully. The tee swallowed her whole when her arms reached above her head to stretch the ridged muscles in her back. She pulled her uncut hair over one shoulder and padded across the room; avoiding the full length mirror. Her dainty fingers held to the door knob while she listened to the sounds of the house through the closed door. There were mumbles coming from the direction of the kitchen, the sound of water running and pans clanking. 

Ryder pulled at the hem of her tee, allowing it to consume her and the physical secrets it hid. With one light tug, she pulled the door open and tiptoed into the hallway. Following the sound of the noise, she soon emerged into the kitchen. Hovering in the doorway, she saw Schmidty, Denver and Niall surrounding the table and chatting concussively. Hattie was perched on a stool at the breakfast bar, a cup of tea warming her palm. The girls dim ember hair hung on her cheeks, eyes trained to the book in front of her. Addison flitted in front of the stove, a wooden spoon in one hand as she cooked what sounded like eggs sizzling against the heat. Her newly chopped locks were too short for the pony she tried and were falling into her eyes and over her shoulders. They all would have gone about their business if Ryder had not been spotted. 

“Morning. I made some eggs and toast if you’re hungry.” Addie smiled sweetly once she caught Ryder’s attention, blowing air upwards to push hair from her eyes. “Have a seat?” She flung her spoon in the direction of the empty stools at the bar, some escaping egg falling to the floor at her feet as she hurried to make the girl a cup of tea.

Ryder cautiously walked along the tile, choosing the seat furthest away from anyone. She avoided eye contact but knew they were all watching her, especially the blonde who slowly rose from his seat to greet her. “Did you sleep alright?” Niall spoke lowly and soft as he walked up to the counter across from her. It pained him to not be able to kiss her like he used to do every morning just months ago, but he retained his distance. The girl kept her head down but shifted her sunken eyes to look up at him, a small nodding motion giving him an answer.

Hattie watched their exchange from the cover of her book. Addison listened with a prying ear and a turned back. The two men at the table were hushed and exchanging telling stares. 

“Are you feeling any better?” Addison slid up next to Niall, sliding a crisp white plate of golden fluffy eggs, a single slice of toast, and a light blue cup towards her. Ryder’s stare stayed trained on the picture perfect presentation of her breakfast until Niall carefully placed a fork near her right hand. The woman looked up, giving a half gracious smile to the two intently watching her. “I can make you something else if you want?” Addison had not hesitated to cater to Ryder’s every need since she was brought home; doing all her washing, picking Niall’s brain for her favorite foods, offering her ice cream every night and an open ear if she finally wanted to talk. Ryder quickly picked up the fork, twirling it between her fingers before picking at the eggs. The cook’s shoulders relaxed as the girl took a small bite. It was worrying for all to see Ryder’s current physical condition and Addie took it upon herself to nurse the girl’s body back to health. Her mind however, was a different story. 

Niall stood in place at the edge of the marble counter across from his girlfriend. He watched her every move; the fork moving the eggs around the plate more than towards her mouth, the way she nibbled on the corner of the bread like a rabbit. Whether his eyes drifted towards or naturally or he purposely watched to make sure she actually ate, he had observed her at every meal for the past two weeks. The girl who once out ate him at a BBQ barely touched her food anymore, arranging it into shapes instead of eating. He understood that it would take time for her to regain her appetite, for her stomach to be able to handle a proper meal instead of throwing it up less than an hour later.

“Morning Raven.” Schmidty placed his mug into the sink before flashing Ryder a cheeky smile and wink. Her eyes lit up for a split second at the use of her childhood nickname before they hastily faded back to their dull green. The cardigan clad man gave a reassuring pat on Niall’s shoulder, “I’m headed down to my office if you want to finish that lesson from yesterday.” 

“Or you can join me for some morning yoga.” Denver pushed up from his place at the table, a smirk meant to lighten the mood spread across his face as all eyes turned wide on him. “What? It increases my flexibility which is a win win for everyone if you know what I mean.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Hattie which caused her to scoff disgustingly. 

“Do not talk about your sex life at the breakfast table!” Addison scolded the man even though he held her in both age and height. Denver only rolled his eyes as he placed his dishes on the counter, scooting between Schmidty and Addison to dodge out of the room. 

“I’ll see you in the office then?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a second.” Niall brushed the taller man off, his focus turning back to Ryder. “You’ll be alright? I’m just downstairs if you need me.” The blonde had been weary to let his girlfriend out of his sight but took the cues that she needed her space. In the two weeks they had been reunited, Niall had not been able to touch her let alone come within a foot of her. He hadn’t even heard her once familiar voice. 

The first night he had her back in his life was a blurry daze for everyone. He was the first to arrive back to the penthouse, Ryder, Hattie and Schmidty in tow. He abandoned the rest of the Sins in order to get Ryder to safety, Liam’s words ringing in his ears between gunshots and yells. Ryder was in shock as he carried her bridal style into the living room, setting her as cautiously as possible on the couch. Addison quickly took over, examining the confused girl for any injuries. Beyond the obvious cuts, bruises and her ankle, Addie gave her greenlight and suggested a bath before getting her to bed. 

This was where Niall was outnumbered. He carried the girl to the luke warm water Addison had prepared but was then kicked out of the room. “Give her some privacy, yeah?” Addison pitied the broken couple but insisted on Niall allowing his girlfriend an ounce of modesty after what she had been through. Addie knew it was for both of their sakes; sparing the boy from the heart breaking images she would soon see. The boy sat right outside the closed bathroom door, finally allowing himself to absorb everything the night had just thrown at him; finally allowing the tears to fall. 

With Bexley’s help, the two woman carefully peeled away Ryder’s torn clothing, trying not to gasp at the cuts, bruises, scrapes and finger imprints spread across her skin; a worrying glance being exchanged when they saw the words carved in scratchy, messy writing over her hip. They slowly helped her into the water, Ryder’s stare blank and un-interactive. With easy hands they ran water through her hair while soft washcloths scrubbed away pieces of the past mixed with her own blood, turning the water a flushed pink color. 

Niall stayed up all night watching her, perched in his chair in the corner of the room. She looked so tiny and helpless in the big bed, being overcome by the duvet. Ryder instantly fell asleep after Addie tucked her in, not waking until early evening the next day. That didn’t stop her from squirming and moaning in her sleep though, each movement causing Niall to jump to attention in concern. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed next to her, to hold her safe against his chest and calm her. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and down her cheek; to listen to her heartbeat and feel her warm breathe on his skin. He ached for the memories and burned for the opportunity to take away her pain. 

The kitchen was left in an awkward state once Niall worked up the nerve to leave his girlfriend’s company. Addison was now cleaning up, a soapy sponge glued to her hand as the tap ran hot. She stole the occasional glance at the raven haired girl, only to check that she was still there. Hattie kept her stare sandwiched between the pages of her book even though her attention was elsewhere. She frequently brought the cup of tea to her lips in an excuse to catch her childhood friend in the corner of her eye.

Ryder kept her head down, shoulders slumped forward and hair hiding one side of her face. The fork occasionally scraped across the plate while she pushed her food from side to side. She was able to eat about half her toast, which was an accomplishment in itself. The timid woman could feel the uncomfortable air surrounding her while the three went about their lives. 

“I’m-I’m going to go see him today if you want to come…” Addison broke the silence when she put the last plate back into the cupboard. She turned to look at Ryder but was met with no response. “I would really love it if you would come with me.” She coaxed in her sweetest tone. The newly appointed homemaker had been trying all week but never wanted to pressure Ryder into doing anything she didn’t want to do. The woman shot Hattie a ‘help me’ glare but only received shrugged shoulders. “I think it would be really good for you to see him.” 

Ryder swallowed the last bit of her tea, the room temperature liquid coating her sore throat. There was so much history playing into her decision on whether or not to see her brother. After all, he was her only brother and she had not seen him in over three years but everything that had happened recently was just too much to handle. Ryder couldn’t help but blame herself for what happened to Liam; if she hadn’t gotten involved with Harry in the first place they wouldn’t be in this situation. If she hadn’t run from her family maybe she would have never been taken. If she had fought harder maybe she could have escaped. The maybes of her entire life weighed heavy on her. 

“I’m leaving in an hour or so if you change your mind.” Addison gave one last pitiful smile to Ryder before throwing in the towel, both physically and metaphorically. Everyone had been tip toeing around the girl, for obvious reasons, Addie being no exception. Hattie, on the other hand, was conflicted on how to proceed with Ryder back in her life. The girl she once told everything to, who she planned a future with, was now at an unreachable length even though she sat at the opposite end of the breakfast bar. The two friends exchanged no words, only pitiful glances and mutual feelings of awkwardness. 

Hattie struggled between feeling sorry for her and holding onto the feelings of being abandoned by her all those years ago. Ryder left her alone to deal with the struggles of being in this line of work, to deal with their over-bearing, controlling parents. Hattie was forced to put a stop to all the dreams Ryder put into her mind; the ideas of being able to escape, of having a normal life with her best friend. Deep down, the red head knew Ryder’s intentions were to never hurt her but it was all too easy for Hattie to hold a grudge now. 

With the tense air surrounding the two, Hattie wasted no time in closing her book, emptying her tea and avoiding eye contact as she left the room. When she was finally alone, the raven girl pushed her plate forward, listening to it scratch against the counter. An icy chill ran up her spine at the noise. She wanted nothing more than to be left alone and yet shuddered in fear when she was. For two months she was left with nothing but her thoughts, her memories, and it all but ruined her and even now, with a silent voice she was crying out for company. 

 

&&&&

 

“You look ghastly. Still not sleeping?” Schmidty typed away at his small desk while Niall perched himself in the corner, peeking over the taller man’s shoulder at the screen. 

“Only a few hours here and there.” As if on cue, the boy yawned mid-sentence. “She’s tossing and turning all night and the nightmares are not getting any better.” 

“Have you tried talking to her about them?” 

“She won’t talk to me about anything let alone what happened.” Niall’s voice reeked of tiredness, of desperation. “I can’t even get too close without her flinching.” 

“I’ve noticed…” 

“What am I supposed to do?” The two men weren’t necessarily close but the blonde was so shut down and wretched from his failed tries with Ryder. He figured out of everyone, she would open up to him; allow him to comfort her and protect her, to help. But Ryder had shut everyone out. The girl who made smart-ass remarks; who smiled at every person walking down the street and invaded Niall’s personal space at all hours was nowhere to be seen. The boy was seeking guidance and advice from anyone who would offer. “I’m trying to give her space and time but I can’t hold on for much longer.” 

“I don’t know what to tell you. She’s been through something horrific, life changing. You can’t expect her to just come round in a few weeks time. Whatever he did to her changed her, you have to let go of the expectation of everything returning to normal.” Schmidty’s fingertips stopped dancing along the keyboard as he turned to Niall. “You have to learn to be with her the way she is now.” 

“How can anyone be with her the way she is now!?” Frustration grew in the man’s voice, “I risked my life, I gave up everything to get her back and now…I-I just…She’s here but she’s not. She’s not my Ryder anymore.” 

“I don’t know if she ever will be the girl you want her to be anymore.” Schmidty kept his voice calm and tone even, treading lightly with the fragile boy but giving enough truth to help him understand the rough road he was headed down. “I think you need to let go of the idea of things returning to normal. “ 

“So our new normal is going to be her not talking and me keeping my distance? That’s pretty fucked up.” 

“I know.” Sympathy was dripping from the older man’s voice, “It’s fucked. It really is but this is the way things are now. Just go slow with her, there’s got to be a little bit of your Ryder left in there somewhere.” 

“I’m not so sure anymore….” 

“Get her to talk to you. Make her talk.” 

“How the hell am I supposed to do that? She barely even looks at me.” 

“I don’t know but I’m sure you’ll think of something. She just needs that little push to open up, to start healing.” 

“I really hope you’re right.” 

 

&&&&

 

“Hattie, make sure you take the chicken out of the oven when the timer goes off.” Addison was pulling her shoes on next to the elevator, grabbing her bag and swinging it over her shoulder. “Please do not forget this time.” 

“Yeah yeah…” Hattie lay upside down on one of the white sofas, her feet draped over the back and her ember locks falling to the floor. Her phone lay on her stomach while she stared at the ceiling. 

“Are you going to do anything productive today? Maybe go for a walk?” 

“Yes mom.” 

“Watch it.” Addie gave a quick warning to the girl. Even with only being a year apart in age the two woman’s personalities could not be further from each other. Addie was a true born nurturer, she thrived when taking care of others. While Hattie was a tainted killer, deprived of a childhood and rough around the edges. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” 

Just as Addison pushed the button to call the elevator, Ryder snuck around the corner. She had on a pair of torn jeans and ratty sneakers, a long sleeve hoodie covering her skin. She pulled her messy braid to one side as she came into full view, teetering on her heels with a hopeful look in her eyes. Addie couldn’t help the smile the spread across her bright pink lips. “Oh love, I’m so glad you’ve decided to come with me.” This instantly brightened her mood as she held the elevator open for Ryder. “Hattie, tell Niall we’ll be back in a bit!” She hollered just before the doors closed completely. 

The car ride was one of the silent variety; Addison quickly winding in and out of traffic, the radio playing softly in the background. Ryder kept her stare out the window, watching the buildings pass by in a blur. She wanted so badly to be herself again and decided today was the day to start getting back to normal. She gathered all her strength, knowing it would be one of the most difficult things she would have to do. She needed to see her brother and could no longer avoid it. 

Ryder lagged behind Addison the whole way as she walked along the corridors, dodging people left and right just like she did while driving. The white walls and distinct smell brought back too many memories for the younger girl; the day her mother died and she fell asleep crying in Liam’s arms. Hospitals were never apart of happy memories for Ryder and today wasn’t going to be any exception. 

Addison walked through the halls with purpose, knowing exactly which turn to take and what room to walk into. The woman held herself together with such poise it confused Ryder at a time like this. When they entered their destination, Addison quietly shook Bauer awake. He had been sleeping in a chair against the window, his left arm being held in place by a blue sling and white bandages creeping out beneath his shirt collar. The burly man woke like a bear from hibernation, stretching and yawning before sitting up straight. The shock registered on his face when he saw Ryder standing behind the edge of the pulled curtain in the doorway. 

“Let’s go get some coffee.” Addison smiled sweetly, looking in the opposite direction as Bauer rose from his chair. “We’ll be back in a little while, take all the time you need.” Addison made a move as if to place a calming hand on Ryder’s shoulders before quickly thinking twice and following Bauer out of the room. 

It once again became too quiet for Ryder’s liking, the room only being filled with the steady beeping of machinery. With a shaky breath the girl moved around the curtain to stand at the end of the hospital bed. Tears immediately flooded her iris’, dripping onto her pale cheeks and shirt. The sight before her was almost too much to handle. 

Liam lay motionless on his back, a white pillow behind his head and tan blanket pulled up to his waist. His shoulders were relaxed and arms casually at his sides. If Ryder tried hard enough she could almost convince herself he was just asleep; that her strong older brother was not hurt. But the openly displayed bandages across his chest told her a different story; the tube down his throat breathing for him gave her terrible anxiety; the beeping monitor giving her the only signs that he was still alive. 

She was motionless, frozen in place for a few minutes. The sight before her breaking her into pieces once again. 

After a few moments of the consistent beeping she walked around to the left of the bed, pulling the chair Bauer slept in to the edge. 

As silent tears fell she ever so slowly reached up and took Liam’s still warm hand in hers.


	2. Chapter 2

"A constant reminder of where I can find her; A light that might give up the way is all that I'm asking, for without her I'm lost. But my love, don't fade away."

 

“I don’t think this is a good idea…” 

“You got a better plan?” 

“Well…..no. But don’t you think it’s a bit soon?” 

“I can’t let her mope around here another day.” 

“She isn’t moping.” 

“She sure as hell ain’t getting better.” 

“And how do you know that? Has she talked to you? Told you how she was feeling? What’s going on in that world of hers?” 

Niall stopped throwing clothes into a bag, looking directly at the red head sitting on his once guest bed. A borrowed black duffel lay at her side, the boy’s clothes thrown messily inside. It was as if Niall had an epiphany this morning, decided it was time to get his Ryder back by any means. The first step being to get her out of the SevenSin house and give the rocky couple a chance to be alone. Being in the same house with everyone was becoming detrimental to Ryder’s progress, or at least Niall thought. She was constantly being watched and looked after, being treated like a child. The blonde had gotten the idea that life needed to return to as normal as possible otherwise Ryder would never get the chance to heal. 

“I don’t know what else to do Hattie. She can’t stay here.” 

“So you really think bringing her back to your place, where you will have to stay with her at all hours of the day is going to magically fix everything for you two?” 

“It’s worth a shot.” Niall ducked back into the closet, pulling pants off shelves throwing them towards Hattie; hangers falling to the ground due to the frustrated force at which he pulled. 

“It’s only been two weeks! She just left the house for the first time yesterday! And that was to see her brother, who might be dying for all we know!” 

“Why do you keep fighting me on this?!” Niall threw a striped sweater into the girls lap, slumping his shoulders with an exasperated breathe. “It’s not like you’re exactly going out of your way to help her either.” 

“Wow.” Hattie’s grey eyes rolled to the side as she threw the shirt back at him. “Tell me how you really feel.” 

“You avoid her at all costs! Just yesterday you got up and left the room because she walked in! The two of you can’t even look at each other! You aren’t making any effort so why are you on me for trying!?” For the first time in a very long time, the fiery red head was at a loss for words. As Niall stood before her, unknowing of her true feelings, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. So instead, she pushed herself up from the bed and moved towards the door. “Hattie…” The blonde sighed, “Hattie wait!” He lunged forward but she quickly escaped his outstretched hand. “Hattie, I didn’t-“

“Have a nice life with Ryder.” 

“Hattie!” Niall was too slow as she slipped through the cracked open door and out of view. “Fuccckkkk” He growled swatting his duffle onto the floor and falling back on it. He was so lost on what to do, it felt like every corner he turned was the wrong one. The boy felt entirely helpless in every aspect of his life. Ryder was still not talking, or even allowing him to get close to her. The rest of the SevenSins kept him at arm’s length, knowing this was still only a temporary lifestyle. They urged him against it at every opportunity and yet he was blinded by love. And now, the only person he truly confided in, someone he considered his friend, was forcefully pushing herself away from him. 

Every day he considered leaving. 

Maybe it was time. 

Maybe every one of them were right. This life was not meant for Niall and yet he continued to fight for his place in it, no matter how hard it worked against him. His love for Ryder was a blind fold leading him closer and closer to the edge. It seemed like he had a free pass now. Cut all ties with the SevenSins, they wouldn’t miss him. He could go back to his old life, with is old friends and monotonous desk job. Ryder would be safe here, there was no doubt. She could continue to live in her voice-less world and never have to worry about him again. She could go back to the life she fought so hard to forget.

Maybe Hattie was right. Niall was trying so hard to give Ryder the space and time she needed but was he jumping the gun in bringing her home? Was it only going to do more harm than good? He ached for her to comfort him. His skin burned at her missing touch. The man wanted nothing more than to have a two sided conversation with her. The struggle between doing what was right for him and what was right for Ryder was a daily constant; a line becoming more and more blurred in his mind. Was trying to acclimate her back to her old life a sure fix? Then again, living in the company of the Sins technically was her old life. At this point, any life was better than the one she was living. 

After what seemed like an hour of Niall contemplating his life, the bedroom door slowly crept open, catching his attention. He sat forward at the waist and caught eyes with the last person he thought he would see. Ryder stood half in the door and half out, her curious eyes watching him. “You can come in.” He spoke softly, coaxing her closer like a scared animal. A small smile graced his lips when she took a step forward, entering the room fully. His estranged girlfriend had her dark locks pulled away from her face, leaving her sunken eyes and defined cheekbones exposed. The once intimate couple watched each other in awkward silence. Niall was afraid to speak in fear of saying the wrong thing and scaring her off. This was the first time Ryder had willingly come to him. Unknown to him that she had heard the entire argument with Hattie through the paper thin walls. 

Niall watched curiously as Ryder’s eyes wandered the room, landing on the over turned duffle bag and pile of clothes on the floor. She raised her eyebrow before looking back to her favorite pair of baby blues. “I was going to go home…” Niall broke the stillness to answer her silent questions, “Well, I was hoping we could go home.” Ryder’s stare remained emotionless, void of the surprise Niall was expecting. “I just want things to go back to normal between us, I want to help you get better.” Niall got to his feet and the girl instinctively took a step backwards. “No, don’t go!” The boy put his hands up in surrender, not moving any closer to her. “I know…” he sighed, “It’s too big of a step.” Ryder bit her lip with a look of agreement. “You’ve got to give me something here Ry.” A calloused hand ran through his disheveled locks. “It’s like were stuck in purgatory.” The man sat back down on the bed, falling forward and resting his elbows on his knees, head between his hands. “I can’t do this anymore.”

It wasn’t till he felt the bed move beside him that he looked up. Ryder no longer stood across the room but was now seated a few inches away from him. Close enough for him to smell her perfume yet far enough for their legs to not touch. Niall had to fight the urge to move closer, to reach out and stroke her cheek. He couldn’t help the butterflies in his stomach that fluttered at her closeness. This was a major step for the girl and he didn’t want to do anything to risk her progress. 

Ryder kept her hands folded in her lap, head looking down while Niall looked to her. She was trying to control her breathing, to keep her muscles from tensing and the fear from escape into her. The girl knew in her heart of hearts that Niall would never hurt her but her mind twisted in a different direction. Memories of Harry flashed behind her eyes, memories she would never forget. The raven woman kept her gaze towards the floor, an unknown chill creeping up her spine at the action of Niall watching her. She played with the hem of her sweater, waiting for something to be said. 

“Maybe we can just go for a walk?” 

 

&&&

 

As usual, the clouds covered the London sky. Big fluffy clouds that molded into shapes if you looked hard enough. They threatened rain but held it inside for the time being. The cool air was a welcomed feeling, brushing against Ryder’s cheeks and through Niall’s hair. The hustle and bustle of town was almost too much for the woman; people walking too close to her as they went about their business, eyes catching her and watching curiously. Paranoia churned in her stomach, even with Niall by her side. 

The pair walked aimlessly though the crowded streets. Niall kept stealing side eyed looks at the girl, trying to read her expression. He knew the crowded streets were an issue but could sense Ryder was pushing her limits. It was as if she had an epiphany as well this morning; she was pushing herself to do things she never used to think twice about. 

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Niall moved as close as he thought comfortable to be heard clearly. “There’s a café around the corner…we could get some tea and warm up a bit.” With a half-smile of agreement, Ryder followed the man around the corner and down a few blocks before stepping into the warmth of an all too familiar place. Ryder stopped in the doorway, looking around at how much her favorite café had not changed. The deep mahogany wood floors still creaked when Niall walked, the chocolate brown shelves held large canvas paintings and various art work, mismatched mugs hung on wooden pegs behind the counter and the tables were in the same formation. 

Ryder shuffled her ratted boots across the floor to a small table with two chairs next to the front window. She sat, pulling her sweater over her palms and watching the people walk outside. The tip of her nose was chilled and pink as she sniffled; the second time outside in months and she might have already caught a cold. The November air never was kind to her. 

It didn’t take long before two steaming cups were placed on the table and a blonde boy sat across from her. He smiled kindly while pushing a cup towards her. She slowly pulled it into her palms, letting the warmth travel up her arms. “Yorkshire with two sugars and a splash of milk.” The man watched as she lifted the cup to her lips, closing her eyes and letting the steam drift into her nostrils before taking a sip. The boy smiled into his cup at the sight. Ryder caught him staring for the tenth time today but instead of looking away, a tiny smirk creeped onto her face. It was the tiniest of exchanges between the two but one that was finally a step in the right direction. 

“So, how are you?” Niall started in with a question he soon realized he hadn’t asked her in months even though it was so obvious. Ryder shrugged her shoulders slightly, head tilting to one side as stray pieces of hair from onto her face. Her smile suggested she was alright but her eyes told a different story. “Well that’s good.” They both sipped their tea as random people walked past the front window. The clouds were growing darker with each passing hour as people rushed home before the storm. “Your hair’s gotten long…I like it.” It was like a painful first date for the two; neither knowing what to say and every question being followed by clumsy silence. 

When their cups were nearly empty, Niall had established his next move. “Do you want to stop on over at the gallery? I know they just opened the Van Gogh exhibit you were so excited about. You know, the one with all the flowers?” The woman nodded encouragingly while pushing a stay hair behind her ear. 

 

&&&

 

Niall followed three steps behind Ryder through the entire exhibit. Art and painting was never an interest for the man but he knew it was a deeply rooted love for the woman he was willing to do anything for. She would stop at every painting, read the notes in her program, and then stare at each for a solid five minutes. Niall didn’t mind though, he was looking at his own art piece. 

He studied her from every angle; the barely there freckles on her forehead and nose, how she would stand with her weight always on her left leg and how she started moving again with her right. Her eyelashes were long enough to get stuck along her fringe every time she blinked. Ryder would unknowingly tilt her head to the right as she studied each painting before her, arms crossed over her sweater clad chest. His eyes never left her. 

Ryder stopped at the final painting, starring for a few moments before looking over her shoulder and slighting nodding for Niall to join her. He leisurely slid up next to her, their shoulders casually brushing before he shifted away. Ryder’s stare immediately went back to the piece, a brown and yellow array of sunflowers in a vase. Personally, Niall thought they looked a bit lifeless as they hung over the side of the vase, but Ryder looked at it with such curiosity; a look of fondness lighting up her face. 

“It’s-“ Niall fumbled for words, “It’s a nice painting. Very…yellow.” Ryder let out the smallest of laughs and the boy thought his heart was going to explode. He didn’t even try to hide his toothy smile. For the first time in almost four months, Ryder was showing signs of life. 

 

The rain was just starting to fall from the sky as the pair exited the gallery. They hurried down the steps of the National and towards the calming walkways occupied by people with umbrellas and newspapers covering them. By the time they made it to the garage they were soaked from head to toe; clothes hanging sloppily from their limbs and hair plastered to their faces. They quickly ducked out of the rain and into the elevator, Ryder shivering in the corner but almost laughing.

“We really should have seen that coming.” Niall chuckled, pushing to penthouse level button. “Come ‘ere.” Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed Ryder by the wrist pulling her towards him in an attempt to warm her up; something he had done thousands of times before. Only this time, Ryder instantly turned; her eyes grew dark with fear as she struggled out of his grasp and away from him. Once he realized what was happening, Niall immediately let go of her throwing his hands up in defense. “I am so so sorry! Ryder!” The woman shook her head and sunk to the floor in the corner, knees pulled tightly to her chest. “I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry.” He tried to move closer, to provide some comfort but she only shrunk away further. The man’s chest grew tight, the air becoming thin in the slow moving elevator. 

Memories stampeded into Ryder as panic overtook her. Harry grabbing at her, pinning her against the bed. His hands forming bruises around her wrists. The overall feeling of being helpless, having no control over your own body. She rocked back and forth, struggling to fill her lungs. 

“Fuck.” Niall helplessly groaned, kicking himself for being so stupid. He knew she didn’t want to be touch. Their day had been going so well he momentarily slipped back into their normal routine. “Just breathe, Ry. We’re almost there. Shhhh.” He failed to comfort her in their tiny box. The doors could not open soon enough and once they did Niall jumped out, creating more space between them. “You can come out, it’s ok. Shhhh, it’s ok.” 

“What is going on?!” Addison came rushing from the kitchen, an apron tied around her lower waist. 

“I-I just-“ Niall stammered, hands going in every direction. “I fucked up! Just-just help her!” 

Addison wasted no time before calmly stepping into the elevator while Niall held to doors open. She crouched down in front of the terror ridden girl, leaving a good two feet between them. “Ryder.” Her tone was motherly and calm in a time of shear fear. “Can you look at me please? You’re ok, no one is going to hurt you. Everything is ok.” Ryder slowly peeked up between her fingers. “You’re in the loft, you’re home. Just keep breathing, deep breaths.” The two woman locked eyes, their breathing eventually synching. “That’s it. Good girl.” 

 

&&&

 

The rain let up a few hours after sunset and Niall found himself perched against the balcony ledge. The crisp air smelled like fall and soggy leaves. His third glass of tequila swirled in his grasp. Over and over he kept trying to figure out how he had gotten to this point; how his life had taken such a drastic turn in a matter of months. In a blink of an eye everything had been turned upside down. 

“I heard what happened…” A solemn red head snuck up behind him. The blond looked over his shoulder before downing the rest of his drink. “I’m really sorry.”

“Shouldn’t you be saying ‘I told you so’?” he snarled into the sky as she approached him. 

“Yeah probably, but I’m trying to be sympathetic here.” Niall scoffed. “Hey. No need to be rude.” 

“I’m not really in the mood Hattie.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

The twosome stood at the edge of the balcony, leaning their forearms against the railings and watching the hustle and bustle of the streets below. As usual, Hattie pulled out a lighter and slid a joint between her pale lips. They passed it back and forth silently until there was no longer enough to hold and Hattie put it out against the railing. “So you really think bringing her home is a good idea now?” 

Niall stayed quiet, knowing the truth Hattie was about to spill. 

“You can’t get within two feet before she has a panic attack. What are you going to do when no one is there to help calm her down?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“You can’t blame her Niall. None of this is her fault and you can’t let her start to think it is. The Howlers did awful, awful things to her and you’re never going to be able to fully understand that. No one is.” 

“We were having such a good day.” Niall interrupted the red heads truth rant. “She smiled and laughed…it was going so well.” 

“That’s good.” 

“And then I fucked it all up. We took two steps forward and ten steps back.” 

“That’s usually how it goes. I told you, these things take time.” 

“But how much time?” Niall turned to the girl, desperation flooding his eyes. 

“I can’t-no one knows.” Hattie turned towards him, leaning her left elbow against the rail. “It’s different for everyone.” 

“I’m so sick of this.” 

“You can’t forget about the progress you made today though! Even if it was small!” Hattie tried to lay on the thick positivity. “She hasn’t laughed once so I would say that’s a huge step.” 

“I used to make her laugh every day.” Grief snuck into his voice, “Before we even got out of bed half the time.” 

“Just keep making her laugh. She’ll come around.” 

“I can’t even touch her. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been able to touch her?” Hattie didn’t need to answer this time. “I miss her.” 

Before he knew what was happening, Niall had leaned forward. His forehead rested against the girls, their noses bumping together. Hattie could feel his warm breath on her chilled face; the smell of tequila hitting her nose. She mechanically closed her eyes; the mix of cold air, weed and Niall’s warmth were an intoxicating combination. The boy moved his chest forward, their bodies meeting in the middle before his lips connected to hers. 

He was soft at first as they got to know each other in a new light. Niall’s outsized hands moved up to cup her cheeks and slither around her neck as they moved together. Hattie’s cheeks grew flush and she moved in closer to him, pushing her hips and stomach into his. She let her hands run along his upper back and shoulder blades. When his tongue parted her lips a small moan rumbled in her chest. 

The pair grew needy and reckless as time went on. Niall became rough and deprived, his actions gaining momentum. Hattie let her hands run down his back, pulling at the bottom of his shirt until it was successful over his head and thrown to the floor. Their tongues danced together, lips slick with each other’s spit. Niall was no longer playing nice. His hands moved down to cup her breasts; further down across her stomach and hips; one finally resting on her lower back and the other cupping her ass. 

With one quick jump, Hattie had her legs wrapped around Niall’s waist. His hands were under her butt, holding her up. Their mouths stayed connected as he pushed her up against the railing, leaning into her when she threw her arms around his neck. “Wh-wait.” Hattie tried to speak between sloppy kisses and hasty breathes. “Wait.” She pulled backwards, putting a hand firmly against the man’s bare chest. “Someone could see.” She nodded over his shoulder towards the row of windows that gave full view to the living room. 

“Shit.” Niall hissed, pulling her away from the rail and setting Hattie back on her unsteady feet. 

“Come on.” Hattie grabbed Niall by the wrist, pulling him towards the door while scanning the windows for anyone. When the coast was clear she pulled him through the living room, across the kitchen, down the hall and into her bedroom. The moment the door was shut they were at it again. 

Their mouths rapidly found each other; the noise of sloppy wet kisses filling the room. The woman moaned into the blonde as he massaged her breasts. Her shirt quickly disappeared in a flash, leaving her lace black bra exposed for his viewing pleasure. Niall got rough, pushing her onto her back on the bed. She quickly undid the button to her jeans before he could pull them off. Niall’s hands found her tiny waist, moving up and down her sides. He left small kisses along her chest, trailing down her breast bone and stomach while her hands tangled in his hair. Hattie bucked her hips upwards against his, begging for more. 

“Oh my god.” Hattie moaned when Niall pulled her panties to the side and started using his tongue for a whole different purpose. The woman arched her back, pushing her head into the mattress at the sensations rocking through her. A smirk played on Niall’s lips as he watched her face, a hand coming up grab her tit. 

“Fuccckkk.” Niall was well trained in the art of oral sex according to Hattie. He licked and sucked in all the right places, pushing her almost over the edge before coming up for air again. He moved back towards her, kisses being left along her neck. She tilted her head and gave him full access. Hattie could feel him between her legs, even through his jeans. Her hands swiftly reached down and undid the zipper; hand slipping in to his pants to feel just how hard he really was. 

It was clear to both that this was going to be a pleasurable night.


	3. Chapter 3

“I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes. And what I choose is my choice, what's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you." 

 

The alarm goes off at five. 

Callused fingers search for the clock and the buzzing ceases. 

Bruised knuckles crack and sore muscles stretch. 

His head aches with the poor decisions of the night before. 

Thus begins the daily routine. 

A silent run down the deserted streets left him to his thoughts. The sound of feet hitting the pavement echoed down the alley way shortcuts and bounced off the brick buildings. The sun was just peaking over the horizon as it did every day when he turned the corner to the street of his slowly becoming familiar neighborhood; hair sticky with sweat against his forehead and shirt pressed against his lower back. With long strides, the man made it through his ritualistic route in record time, only stopping for a breath when he reached his front door steps again. His hands pressed heavy against his knees, doubled over trying to catch air. When that didn’t work, two arms were flung upwards, resting atop a mop of curls and allowing his lungs to catch up. 

The emerald eyed man pushed his way back into the flat, being greeted by the bare and miniscule furnishings. The walls remained a yellowish white, as per the previous owner’s choice; void of any photographs that hinted to a past or future life. A pair of sweaty and newly removed running shoes found their place next to the front door before sock clad feet padded towards the kitchen. A refrigerator housing the bare necessities provided a chilled bottle of water and was quickly being slammed shut again. The sole bowl and spoon lay dirty in the sink, waiting for their inevitable use. A single banana and bruised apple are the only colors breaking up the eggshell white countertops in the galley kitchen. 

The stairs creak with each step, bending slighting under the weight of his feet. 

The shower runs colder than ideal. 

Dripping wet, the man wraps a towel around his waist, leaving the bruises exposed on his toned stomach. His bare feet move towards the vanity; left, right, left, right.

As predicted, the cellphone on the counter beeps with the seven AM reminder. 

With a low exhale, pill bottles are opened one by one until four tablets are resting in his palm. He dry swallow’s them before clicking away the reminder on his phone. A quick glance in the mirror reminds him of last night’s events; a yellow and purple bruise has formed on his right cheekbone, traveling upwards towards his sunken eye. 

A pair of briefs and stiff jeans replace the towel and are accompanied by a black V-neck tee. 

The bowl in the sink is slowly rinsed clean before being filled with cereal and milk, the spoon being put to work. As the last bite is traveling towards his mouth, the phone beeps with the Tuesday eight AM reminder. 

The slight breeze whips through the man’s muddy brunette curls, air drying them while he walks. The streets are much busier now as the city comes alive for the day. Women break out their best glasses to shield their eyes from the November sun. Men pull their jackets tighter, struggling with the briefcases occupying their hands. Children in their uniforms unexcitedly trot towards the bus stop or underground. Storefronts light up and closed signs are flipped to open. 

He ducks out of the cold and into an office building, the receptionist greeting him with a cheerful smile. “Go on in!” She waves him off before her fingers begin to click against the keyboard again. His knuckles rap against a closed door, waiting for the invite to enter. 

“Come in!” A deep voice shouts from the other side. “Ah, Harold! Right on time!” A thin, balding man stands to the side of a wooden desk. Burgundy books line the shelves behind him as he replaces the missing book he was reading. “Sit, sit!” His silver metallic rimmed glasses are much too small for his face and almost remind Harry of the time he caught Hopper trying to read a Playboy with stolen glasses. 

The mop of curls move towards the open chair, his leather jacket squeaking against the leather seat as he tries to get comfortable. A manila file folder is pulled from a drawer and spread open on the desk, exposing hand written notes and typed documents. “How are you today?” The elder man asks as his pale hazel eyes scan the papers before him. 

“’M alright.” 

A mumbled response gains the attention of the therapist, causing his head to tilt up. A look of knowing disappointment appears. “What happened to your face, Harold?” He pulls the wire glasses from his nose and drops them atop Harry’s open file. 

“Got in a fight, Scott.” The man mocked his therapists need for a consistent use of his full name. 

“We talked about this.” Scott leaned back in his office chair, arms folding across his chest. “What happened?” 

“Does it really matter?” Snarky remark after monotone words filled the room. 

“Harold.” A warning tone. 

“Scott.” 

“Do I have to remind you that you came to see me? You’re the one that asked for help.” 

“I know…” 

“How am I supposed to help you if you act like this?” 

“I-I don’t know. I guess no one can help me.” 

“Now, that’s not true and you know it.” Scott swiveled back and forth in his chair as he spoke, “What did I say about fighting?” 

“It’s not good.” Harry spoke matter of fact. There was a moment of silence while the balding man waited for more of an answer. “…I should take three deep breathes, count to twenty and remove myself from the situation if need be.” 

“And did you do that yesterday?” 

“No.” 

“We’ve got to get these anger issues under control, Harold.” The therapist pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his eye. “Have you been taking your medication?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s been….” Scott searched through the pile of paperwork in the folder, “Two weeks since we changed the dosage, correct? How are you feeling?” 

“They make me tired.” 

“That can happen. If you’re sleeping you’re not fighting though.” Scott’s lips formed a cheesy smile at the joke intended to lighten the mood. Harry, however, stayed stone cold and the smile quickly left the room. “You haven’t been drinking have you?” 

“No.” Harry lied. 

“I don’t want to have to send you to rehab, Harold. You told me at our first session that you could handle it.” 

“And I am handling it.” Harry was on the defense. This was not the first time Scott had recommended, or more so threatened, to bring Harry to a rehabilitation facility to work on his issues more proactively. Harry knew he was cracked but he didn’t think he was broken. The twice a week sessions with Scott were a big enough step for him at the moment.

“What about the anxiety? Have you been able to sleep through the night?” 

“Yes.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” 

“I’m tossing and turning all night….” Truth finally escaped his mouth. Progress that Scott had long been searching for. 

“And why is that?” He slowly and calmly coaxed Harry to keep talking. 

“Every time I close my eyes I see them.” 

“Who?” 

“Them. All of them.” Harry blinked slowly, his breathing shallow. “They’re all dead.” 

“Can you be more specific, Harold?” Scott leaned forward in his chair, intrigued in the rare conversation. 

“My dad. Quinn.” The man averted his gaze, focusing on his lap. “The Howlers. The Sins. Everyone. They’re all just lying there dead….and it’s my fault.” 

“But they’re not dead, are they?” 

“Some of them.” 

“Tell me everyone who is alive, Harold.” 

“Quinn….Louis….” Harry listed the names, each one more painful than the other until the list was complete. 

“Look at all those people you just listed, they’re all alive thanks to you.” 

“No thanks to me.” Harry corrected him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Harold.” Another warning tone. 

“They might not be dead but they’re all changed because of me….and just because they’re still breathing doesn’t necessarily mean they are living.” Scott stayed quiet, waiting for more. “I ruined their lives because I was a selfish prick. No one gets to be happy anymore because of me.” 

“How are you to know if they will ever be happy again?” 

“How could they be after what I’ve done?” 

There was a swift knock on the door, startling both men slightly. The bubbly receptionist cracked the door open and poked her head in, “You’re next appointment is here.” 

“Tell them to wait.” Scott quickly instructed her, worried he would lose the atypical mood Harry was experiencing. Their usual sessions involved a lot of staring at each other and one word sentences. Today’s session seemed like the break through Scott had hoped for a month ago. 

“It’s ok.” Harry stood from his chair, causing the elder man to rise to his feet as well. “I’m done anyways.” 

Scott spoke with a dissatisfied tone, “I want to talk about this next time, Harold. This conversation isn’t over.” With a sarcastic hum of agreement, Harry was out the door and back on the street. He pulled his mobile from his pocket, illuminating the screen to no new messages or missed calls. With a quick check of the time, he was off to his next destination. 

A small café had slowly worked its way into the man’s new routine. It smelled of freshly ground coffee that enticed the senses; homemade biscuits and muffins that were good for the soul. He had established a usual table at the back, far enough away from the continuing glances of the girl behind the counter. Blonde hair with pink streaks, that reminded him of Quinn’s rebellious teenage phase, were consistently tied into a messy bun atop her head. She always started Harry’s order the moment he walked through the door and the man assumed he would no longer be paying soon enough. If only she knew what kind of baggage Harry carried with him, baggage he didn’t want to burden anyone else with. 

“Hi Harry! Here’s your coffee!” The girl placed a mug at the table accompanied by a small plate, “And a freshly baked cranberry orange scone, still warm!” Her painted pink lips spread into a toothy smile when she wiped her hands against the apron tied around her waist. 

“Thank you, Claire.” Harry returned the exaggerated sweetness, vowing not to ruin anyone else’s days just because he was in a sour mood. 

“Can I get you anything else?” She rocked back and forth on her converse clad feet. 

“I’m good, thank you.” 

She turned and trotted back behind the counter, a happy skip in her step due to her childish school crush on the curly haired man. He watched her slip behind the counter, but not before glancing over her shoulder twice to see if he was watching her. Harry leaned back into the wooden chair, the floor boards creaking beneath him. He watched people come and go through the door, a tiny bell ringing every time. His eyes lingered on the paintings adorning the walls, the pottery lining the shelves. 

When half his cup was gone and Claire had stolen her fifth glance, the phone buzzed in his pocket. Eleven AM reminder. He cleared the screen and scrolled through his past messages, eyes loitering at the last drunken text he received from Quinn: “Fuck U” 

The text before: “Come backk”

“I miss you” 

Harry quickly shoved the phone back in his pocket, leaving his baby sisters texts unanswered. 

Fifteen minutes later and much to coffee Claire’s distaste, Harry was pulling a few bills out of his wallet and throwing them on the table. With a quick half smile of thanks he was back into the fresh air. The streets hit a lull during this time of day; it was too late for the morning commute and too early for lunch breaks. A few stragglers went about their business just as Harry went about his. The routine was different today; for reasons Harry was dreading. 

A rushed pop into the tailors to pick up a garment bag. 

A black tie pressed against a recently ironed white shirt. 

Hand-me-down cuff links from Des. 

Polished shoes and buttoned suit coat. 

There was no doubt he looked out of place when he left his flat for the second time that day. But as usual, he paid no attention to the funny looks and lingering stares as he rode the tube out of the city; the further away the emptier the car got. It wasn’t until he reached the outskirts of London, we he was one of two people left on the train, did he step out onto the platform. The scent of nature was a welcomed change. The tall trees were shedding their leaves as they prepared for the winter months, it was still early in November so most of the leaves were a golden or auburn color. 

The town was a stark change from the depths of London. The passing faces smiled and offered their hellos like you were an old friend who took this route every day; an old friend they would invite over for tea. Elderly couples walked hand and hand to the market; a twenty something was taking her dog for a stroll. It was a curious little town to Harry, one that made him contemplate staying in the city. 

It was a casual walk from the city center out into the rolling hills and fall adorned wilderness. Harry continued to walk and walk until he found what he was looking for. When he spotted the line of black cars the man knew he was in the right place. Harry chose to stay just far enough away to stay covered by the bushes but still be able to see clearly. His heart wanted to burst when he found the group of people. 

In the middle of a once grassy patch, the earth was upturned and two ornate black coffins lay prepared for their final resting place. Harry didn’t have to be close enough to see what names were written on the cold cement grave makers behind each of them. It was clear to see the outline of a howling wolf carved into the top of the markers as a group of five stood in a semi-circle. 

The two blondes were the easiest to distinguish; their long locks identically reaching to the middle of the waists. It was almost impossible for Harry to differentiate between Quinn and Waverly from behind anymore. He figured Waverly was the one sandwiched in the middle; Quinn on her right and Louis on her left, each holding one of her hands. Undeniably next to Louis were Novo and Hopper; all three men dressed in black suits similar to Harry’s. To no one’s surprise, there was no pastor, minister, priest or whatever religious affiliation the Howlers associated with. It was just the five broken people, the remaining Howler family preparing to burry two of their own. 

Harry moved forward, leaning up against a tree as he watched Louis move towards the front of the graves. He looked to be saying something but Harry was too far away to hear distinctly; he wasn’t too far away though to see the pain in the grieving man’s face. He spoke for a few minutes before placing a hand on each of the coffins, saying his own silent goodbyes. Eventually, everyone took their turn saying goodbye; Novo lingering at Bug’s final resting place while Waverly draped herself dramatically over Zayn’s. Harry watched from afar while Louis, Hopper and Novo walked back to their cars, wasting no time before revving the engines and disappearing along the tree line.

Quinn stayed behind with Waverly for a while, she looked as if she was trying to comfort her friend but to no avail. Ultimately, Quinn walked back to the car and drove off, giving Waverly the alone time she much needed. The left behind blonde kept one hand glued to the lid of the casket as her legs gave out, causing her to kneel in the grass. Harry could faintly hear her cries of heartbreak. This was all his fault, another life ruined because of him. Not only were Zayn and Bug killed but the lives of all the Howlers were forever changed. Waverly would never recover from losing the man she thought would be with her for the rest of her life. 

Harry had taken up residence at the bottom of a tree, his back resting against the peeling bark. The sun moved across the sky, threatening to disappear over the horizon, when Waverly finally rose to her feet. Her long hair shielded her face when she bent down to kiss the top of the coffin for the final time. A few moments later and she was walking back towards the car. When she was a safe enough distance away, Harry rose to his own feet and carefully walked down the side of the hill. His feet padding along the sodden grass as he stole glances at the girl getting into her car. 

As he approached the two graves his chest grew tight, muscles tensed. He couldn’t help the tears that welled in the bottom of his guilty eyes. He took full blame for what happened to Zayn and Bug, there was no question, but as Harry had learned, even having someone to blame didn’t make things better. He kept his distance from the graves, close enough to pay his respects though. “I’m so sorry.” His voice was tight and raspy, the emotion threatening to spill at any moment. “I’m so so sorry.” 

“I thought that was you up on the hill.” Harry spun on his heels, quickly wiping the stay tears from his face. His feet tangled with each other, almost sending him falling backwards into the coffins as a grief-stricken blonde stood before him; her face puffy and red, eyes bloodshot and black dress wrinkled. “I can’t say I’m surprised.” 

“Waves…” Harry was at a loss for words. What do you say to a woman whose boyfriend is dead because of you? They definitely didn’t make sympathy cards for this type of situation. 

“What are you doing here?” The woman’s voice was rough and edgy, broken and tired from the crying. 

“I know, I’m probably the last person you wanted to see. I just-I had to come. I can’t explain it to you.” Waverly didn’t speak but stared at the man curiously for a moment. “I’m sorry. I’ll-I’ll go.” 

“No.” The words stopped him mid stride as he turned back to look at the girl. “You don’t have to go.” She shook her head, fresh tears falling onto her blotchy face. “Stay.”

“I really shouldn’t.” 

“Stay, please.” She choked on her own sobs. 

Harry stayed. He walked back towards the grieving woman, choosing to stand next to her. The pair didn’t speak for a while, just kept their stare at the sight before them and relished in the feeling that they were not alone. The sun was beginning to disappear when someone finally spoke. “This is all my fault.” 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” Waverly’s tone was sour. 

“Waves….know that I will do anything you want, anything to make this up to you.” Harry was pleading for his redemption, “I wish I could take it all back, everything. I should have never pushed the Howlers into my mess….I’m so screwed up and I don’t know how to fix it.” 

“I don’t want you to do anything.” Waverly spoke calmly, with a tiny bite in her voice, “Having to live with the guilt of this is punishment enough.” 

“But it’s not enough. Nothing will ever be enough to repay what I did.” 

“Harry.” 

“No! I ruined everything, everyone’s life. I should have been the one to die! Liam should have killed me the same night he killed my dad! Then everyone would still be alive and happy. I’ve made poor choice after poor choice. I’m like a tornado, leaving debris and death wherever I go. I’m never going to forgive myself for what I’ve done.” 

“I forgive you.” 

“What?” Harry stopped mid breakdown at Waverly’s whispered words. He turned to her with wide, wet eyes. 

“I forgive you.” 

“You’re the last person that should ever forgive me, trust me Waves.” 

“We don’t get to choose our fate Harry…our destiny. What happened to your family was horrific and out of your control. You were only doing what you thought was right, I can’t fault you for that.” 

“Zayn is dead because of me.”

“And you living with that burden, that grief, digging yourself deeper and deeper into your alcoholic hole isn’t going to bring him back.” Silent tears feel along her cheeks as she kept her gaze on Zayn’s coffin, “It’s not going to bring anyone back, Harry.” 

“I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness, I deserve to rot in fucking hell for what I’ve done. I’m a killer.” 

“Who did you kill Harry?” Waverly’s words struck him like a bolt of lightning, his heart racing. 

“I-I…”

“No one. Both Bug and Zayn died because of their association with the Howlers.” 

“Yeah, but I made the situation between the Howlers and the Sins escalate. They wouldn’t have died if I had just kept to myself.” 

“Hindsight.” The air grew thin.

“You truly are an angel Waves…I can see why Zayn loved you so much.” 

“He was my everything.” The two grew quiet again as the time continued to pass. It seemed as if the girl was waiting till the very last moment before having to leave her boyfriend. “You can’t ignore her forever you know.” Harry didn’t even need to question who the woman had turned the conversation too. “You’re the only family she’s got left.” 

“I can’t drag her down with me.” 

“You’re the one that kept her afloat.” Harry furrowed his eyebrows, the setting sun making his skin glow a warm golden. “She was trying so hard to get your attention, Harry, but you were too blind to see it.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“All those nights at the club, she hoped that you would come drag her home instead of me or Zayn. Every morning she wished you would bring her Asprin and water. She brought home new boys every week in hopes you would notice and put a stop to it. Quinn was trying so hard to get you to show her you cared.” 

“I…I-I never realized. How do you know all of this?” 

“A drunk girls words are a sober girls thoughts….at least I think that’s how the saying goes.” 

“I owe you so much Waverly.” 

“Quinn is headed down a twisted and sinister path, you have no idea. You can’t let her follow in your footsteps, you can’t let her do something she will regret. Giver her the family she never got to have….just be her brother, Harry, that’s all she’s ever wanted.”


	4. Chapter 4

"Give me the burden, give me the blame. I'll shoulder the load and I'll swallow the pain. Give me the burden, give me the blame. How many, how many Hail Mary's is it gonna take?" 

 

The constant beeping was driving the muddled brunette up the wall. It was a noise that crawled under her skin, through every bone and rung in her ears. It echoed in her mind, filling every corner of her subconscious. The noise haunted the woman’s dreams causing her to toss and turn between the sheets. It mechanically caused her finger to tap against the hard book cover amid her grasp as page after page was flipped before stacking it on the windowsill next to her growing collection. If she was not careful, her life would slowly turn into that of the beloved Disney princess Belle; a library of adventures keeping her occupied in an unwelcomed room. 

The constant monotone beeping was driving her insane. 

And yet it was a noise she could not live without; a noise that signaled the life of one of her own. That noise was the only reminder, as constant as it was, that the man she had come to care so deeply about was still alive; that his lungs repetitively filled with oxygen and blood ran through his veins. It did not, however, give her the needed comfort that Liam was still with her; that the memories they had created together were keeping him company inside his comatose mind.

Every day, Addison longed for the smallest of signs that Liam was still there. Coming from a woman with no religious beliefs, she felt she wasn’t asking for much; the slightest twitch of his finger or flutter of his eyelash were all she prayed for anymore. 

Her days had become monotonous at best. 

The SevenSins were slowly falling to pieces; the household was in ruins. Addison was doing all she could to try and keep the peace between members but more and more she found herself spending nights at the hospital instead. The penthouse flat was cautiously becoming ground zero without their leader to keep them in check. 

The members were doing all they could to carry on with business; to keep the SevenSins on top of their empire. Schmidty spent endless house in his office, tracking and processing their shipments and merchandise. Bauer, Charlie and Denver had not been seen in weeks; flying to and from their supplier while handling negotiations and meetings. Killian, Hattie and Tex ran a tight ship in London now, stepping up in Liam’s absence. They handled all the inside jobs, keeping the money flowing and lower level gangs in line. Everyone was at ropes end and each other’s throats. 

And that didn’t even come close to the tension created by the estranged lovers. 

On this particular morning, Addison had awoken before the sun. She could no longer force sleep and decided to vacate the flat before anyone else awoke. This was gradually becoming the woman’s new routine. The hospital hallways were calm and quiet at such an hour, giving her an odd sense of ease. The brunette twisted and turned her way through the hallways as if on auto-pilot. The nurses greeted her with small smiles and voiceless understanding. 

“Morning babe.” Her tired voice would subdue the repetitive beeping for the time being as she bent down and placed a kiss on Liam’s scratchy cheek, making a mental note to bring a razor and shaving cream tomorrow. “I see I need to bring new flowers soon.” The woman walked towards the windowsill, throwing her bag carelessly into a nearby chair. A small vase filled with a wilting bouquet sat next to her stack of books. She carefully dumped out the discolored water before tossing the flowers into the bin, talking as she went. 

“Glad to see you’re still here.” She slightly laughed, making light of the terrible situation. “Everyone sends their well wishes. I know Bauer really wants to come by but he’s off dealing with McCredie again. I swear, he spends more time in Dublin that he does home anymore. But don’t worry, he took Charlie and Denver with him. They said this should be the last time McCredie tries to up the prices, I didn’t want to ask what they were planning to do to him.” 

Addison adjusted the blankets along Liam’s waist, tucking it under him and carefully adjusting his pillow. “Killian has been handling all the inside jobs, keeping everyone happy. You should really be proud of how they’re handling things.” The girl sat down, pulling her chair up to the bedside and taking Liam’s warm hand in hers. “I’m not so sure about Hattie though…she’s been spending a lot of time in the gym or at the range. I think she’s just in a funk, I’m sure it’s not easy to see her friend so broken. I’m sure this is not easy for anyone…but were surviving.” 

“Ah, Mrs. Payne. Good morning.” A young gentleman in a stark white, newly ironed white coat stood in the doorway. His dark skin ran seamlessly into his black as night hair, chubby cheeks forming into a smile and causing wrinkles under his eyes. “I’m Doctor Adams, I’ll be taking over for Doctor Springer.” The new face walked forward, extending a hand towards the woman. 

“I’m Addison Kirk.” She graciously accepted his handshake. 

“Oh, so you’re not…” He flipped through the chart in hand before looking back and forth between Addie and Liam. 

“Just the girlfriend.” She flashed a disappointed smile. 

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Doctor Adams took a step backwards, reading through the chart and making small notes with his red pen. “As I was saying, I’ll be taking over Mr. Payne’s case from Doctor Springer. I was just doing my morning rounds and wanted to introduce myself.” He continued to jot notes, check monitors and eventually listened to Liam’s chest with his stethoscope. “I’ll be back in a few hours to check again.” 

“Wait!” Addison stood up from her chair, hand still pressed firmly in her boyfriend’s palm. “Do you have any updates? Has there been any changes?” The woman’s eyes were wide with hope, bright with optimism, as she looked for answers. “I-I just haven’t heard anything in a few days…” 

“No one has come to talk to you?” Addison’s chest grew tight at his sorrow filled sentence, his face falling slightly. The woman slowly let her eyelids close while shaking her head stiffly. “Well, he’s stable, that’s good.” Doctor Adams lifted his voice to sound hopeful for Addie’s sake. “We were able to remove the bullet and repair the damage to his valve and left ventricle.” 

“But?” 

“…But….” Their voices mixed with morose and despair. “His heart sustained a lot of damage, as I’m sure Doctor Springer told you, and he lost a lot of blood.” The woeful woman could feel the tears threatening to break. “We gave him multiple transfusions and we’ve been monitoring his levels very carefully.” Addie sunk back into her chair, preparing for the words she feared were inevitable. “Listen,” the man stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, “I was in the operating room when he came in. His heart stopped twice before we were able to remove the bullet but he kept on fighting, he always came back to us.” A single tear fell onto the woman’s pale cheek. “We did, and are, doing everything we can for him but right now it’s out of our hands. It’s up to him to fight through this.” 

“So we just wait? Fingers crossed he wake up?” 

“Mr. Payne’s condition has thankfully not declined, but I cannot say it has significantly improved either. We can continue to see how things go, keep him on the ventilator as long as you wish, but sooner or later you might need to start considering his quality of life.” Addison couldn’t help the sob that escaped her. “I’m very sorry I don’t have better news.” And after a small squeeze to her shoulder, Doctor Adams disappeared into the depths of the hospital. 

“Oh Liam…” A steady stream of tears now fell freely onto the hospital bed before her. “Please come back to me….I don’t know what to do anymore.” 

 

As Addison mourned her morning, others were beginning to wake to the peaking sun. 

A set of grey eyes slowly opened, eyelashes fluttering as the world came into focus. 

A set of green eyes shot open in panic, the nightmares fading into the deepest corners of her memory. 

One turned to her side, snuggling closer into the bare chest beside her, the warmth lulling her back into a soft sleep. 

The other sat forward, trying to regain her breath and calm herself. The nightmares had been the one constant since Ryder came back to live with the Sins. Every night a different version of the same situation: Harry standing over her as she huddled into a corner; her subconscious distorting his frame and making his green orbs glow like a snake. He towered over her, grabbing and pulling at her clothes and limbs. Wolves howl in the distance and maniacal laughs echo through the bare walls. 

Ryder rolled her neck to the side, stretching her back and shoulders. The exhausted brunette chose to start her day, earlier than planned, but it was better than falling back into her nightmare. 

Hattie inhaled deeply, her palm resting against a firm set of abs as she readjusted her position. Her head throbbed slightly and she feared that waking up fully would only increase the discomfort. So instead she closed her eyes tightly and enjoyed the company of her newest one night stand while it lasted. 

Ryder retied her hair a top of her head, side eyeing the empty chair across the room. Even with their alienated situation, it was still a normal occurrence for the woman to wake up to Niall in his chair. She had started to feel bad for him spending every night there, it was surely wreaking havoc on his back and sleep schedule. Ryder even caught herself contemplating to let him sleep in her bed a time or two, ultimately deciding against it even as she watched him squirm and shift trying to get comfortable. The girl knew she was making things tough on him but she just was not ready yet. He must had finally had enough of the chair and chose to sleep on the couch last night, she really didn’t blame him. 

Just as Hattie was about to drift into an endless sleep, the deadliest of realizations struck her to the core. “Holy fuck!” Words jolted from her mouth as she fell off the side of the bed, hitting the floor with a loud thud and taking the blankets with her. “Fuck.” She hissed out, quickly untangling her frame, fire red hair flying everywhere. 

“Get back in beddd…’mmm cold.” A low grumble of a voice spoke as Hattie shot up on her knees. 

“Oh my god…oh my god…” She scrambled to cover her naked frame with a nearby sheet. 

“Ryder come on…” The blonde rolled to his side, eyes still closed as he searched the bed for the girl who was once giving him comfort. 

“Niall!” Hattie tried her best to keep her voice quiet amid the panic, afraid someone would walk in and catch them. “Niall! Wake up!” The woman scrambled to her feet as the man only readjusted the pillows. “You arse get up!” She gave him a hard shove in the shoulder, almost sending him off the opposite side of the bed. 

“What the fuck was that for?” His grumbly deep voice was full of hurt and confusion, eyes still blind to the wrong woman standing at the foot of the bed. “’Mmm tired.” 

“Get up you fucking tosser!” The man’s body tensed at the voice he was not expecting, eyes afraid to open in hopes it wasn’t real. “You need to get outta her before someone sees you!” Hattie was holding the sheets together in a tight fist against her chest. The words made Niall scrunch his nose, last night’s events flooding back to him. 

“Oh. My. God.” His eyes shot wide open, landing directly on Hattie as he sprung up like a bullet. “Did we-“ 

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Very sure.” 

“No! No no no no!” Niall jumped out of bed, searching the floor for his discarded boxers and slipping them on as Hattie watched helplessly. “This could not have happened!”

“I cannot agree more.” The redhead swallowed hard, bile rising in her throat due to both the situation and last night’s alcohol. “This was such a mistake! You’re supposed to be with Ryder!” 

“Fucking hell, she cannot find out about this!” A shirt was being thrown over the bedhead blonde. “This is the last thing she needs to know about! It will just make everything worse! Oh my god.” Remorse, resent, regret all hit him at the same time; a tidal wave pushing him further away from the one he wanted. It was a mistake he knew would end things between Ryder and him, one that there would be no coming back from. 

“You have to go, before everyone wakes up! They cannot find you here.” Hattie was pushing the half dressed man closer towards the door as he scrambled to grab his jeans and belt. “This was an absolute mistake. One time only, never going to happen again thing, means nothing type of mistake. You utter a word of this to anyone and I will severely hurt you.” Hattie spewed off words and highly plausible threats as she checked the hallway for signs of life, quickly pushing Niall out the door when the coast was clear and slamming it behind him. 

“Fucking hell.” The man breathed out, pulling his jeans on before someone spotted him. He swiftly moved away from Hattie’s room and towards the kitchen, praying that everyone was still asleep. When he entered the kitchen he came face to face with the one person he wasn’t expecting. 

A small brunette with hair amess stood next to the stove, a spatula in hand. Niall prayed he could sneak away without being heard, the sound of Ryder’s classical music covering his footsteps, but luck was not on the Irish man’s side today. The woman spun around to catch him in the doorway and for the first time in weeks she actually looked excited to see him. Her emerald eyes lit up while she motioned for him to have a seat at the table. It was only then that he noticed the table set for breakfast; two plates and two cups of tea. He gave her a forced smile of gratification before sauntering over to the table. 

Not soon later, Ryder placed a stack of fluffy, golden brown pancakes in the middle of the table. She shyly smiled before taking her seat across from Niall, taking her tea in hand while he helped himself to pancakes he no longer deserved. He didn’t question when Ryder left the plate in front of her empty, choosing not to force food on her today. Instead, he tried his best to act normal and not let on to the fact that he had just woken up beside another woman. Niall was about to take his fifth bite before something stopped him, fork hanging in midair… 

“I-I…” Ryder cleared her throat as Niall’s eyes shot up to meet hers. She looked down into her lap, clearing her throat before trying again. “I-I’m sorry for mak-making you sleep in the chair.” 

Niall couldn’t decide if he should cry, pop open a bottle of Champaign or throw himself off the balcony. Ryder was doing all she could to get back to him, this was a massive step for her and the boy knew it. She had not spoken to anyone since the day Niall took her from the Howlers basement and now, the morning after he made the biggest mistake of his life, Ryder was talking; trying to fight the demons that silenced her and find her way back. 

“It-It’s ok.” The shock was evident in his voice but this was the first real conversation the pair had been able to have.

“Morning.” Schmidty sauntered into the kitchen, looking worse for the wear and oblivious to his crooked glasses. “I-uh didn’t mean to interrupt.” The lanky man stopped in his tracks, hand half way through his bronzed hair when he realized he had interrupted the pair’s breakfast. 

“D-don’t worry. Do you want some pancakes?” Ryder motioned towards the slowly disappearing stack on the table as Niall shoved another bite into his mouth. 

“I want you to know I’m trying very hard to not run and hug you right now.” The biggest of smiles spread across Schmidty’s face, eyes large with joy. 

“Maybe not yet…but I owe you one.” 

“Deal.” 

“Table meeting! Right now!” Killian’s voice was heard before he was seen. It echoed across the spacious living room and made Schmidty groan. “Do you not hear me? Table meeting!” The much too awake red head stuck his head around the kitchen corner, looking frustrated beyond belief. 

“Can’t this wait till after breakfast?” 

“No. Has anyone seen Hattie?” Niall accidentally swallowed his tea wrong and had a coughing fit at the table, gaining a strange look from everyone. “Let’s go!” Killian was clearly in a rush and it made Ryder nervous. With a noticeable groan, Schmidty rose from the table, shoving a whole pancake into his mouth as he went. Niall mechanically stood, not thinking twice about it. “Not today blondie. Members only.” Killian quickly shut him down before disappearing to find his sister. 

“Must be serious.” The surprisingly unbuttoned cardigan clad man commented and when he entered through the large double doors he instantly knew why. His mood instantly turned sour at the face before him. “And what do we owe this pleasure, Big?” The chair squeaked as he turned, clearly struggling under the weight of its person. An elderly man with thinning black hair and wrinkled completion spun to see Schmidty at the door. A thick cigar sent waves of smoke up into the air, only adding to Big’s mob boss image. 

“Oh fucking hell.” The first words that came blurting out of Hattie’s mouth when she entered the room, her brother trailing her and shutting the doors behind him. “Whatever you want we're not doing it.” 

“Such harsh words from such a pretty girl.” Big spoke with a thick raspy voice that made everyone’s skin crawl. All three SevenSin members took their seats opposite from their visitor, choosing to forego their normal chairs in favor of being further away from him, the two redheads flanking Schmidty. “I heard about your little incident with the Howlers….what an embarrassment for Liam.” The Sins bit back the urge to talk back, hands being balled into fists instead. “It must be hard without a leader anymore.” 

“Were managing.” Killian shot a look with daggers. 

“Clearly.” 

“What do you want Big?” 

“I’ve got a proposition for you.” Big inhaled a large amount of his cigar, the smoke whizzing between his lips as he spoke. “The ultimate kill and the ultimate revenge. But I want to talk to a Payne first.”

“Well that’s not happening.” 

“You let me speak to a Payne and I’ll give you Harry Styles.” 

 

As negotiations raged behind closed doors, another door was being pushed open bit by bit.

Ryder and Niall had finished eating breakfast and were washing up the dishes, silence taking over their situation once again but this time for different reasons. The guilt and shame bubbled in the pit of Niall’s stomach as Ryder handed him another mug. The truth gurgled in his throat, threatening to come jumping out without any warning. He owed Ryder the truth, he deserved to pay the price for his actions even if that meant losing the woman he loved forever; the woman he had been working so hard to get back. She deserved to know but the boy feared it would only send her deeper into the darkness she was just now emerging from. He couldn’t risk letting that happen, even if it meant he had to live with the guilt for the rest of his life. 

“I-I think I want to go see Bexley today.” Ryder finished drying off a plate before putting it back into the cupboard. 

“I think that’s a really good idea. I know she misses you.” 

“I miss her too….an-and I have a lot of time to make up for.” Niall didn’t know how to respond anymore. Had Ryder really thought her missing the last three months was her fault? Did she not realize that everyone’s life had stopped the day she was taken? No one blamed her or expected her to make up for the missed months and yet Niall got an odd feeling that Ryder was blaming herself for what had happened. “I missed a lot of wine Wednesdays…” 

“I’m sure she doesn’t blame you…no one-Addison?” The conversation was quickly squashed due to the crying woman in the doorway. Her face was puffy and cheeks red, matching the bloodshot eyes that looked so broken. “What happened?” The woman only sobbed harder, causing panic to fill the room. Ryder dropped the dish in her hand, sending it to the floor with a loud crash and ran towards Addie, the tears already making themselves known. 

“Addison, what happened?” Ryder’s voice squeaked as her lungs worked double. 

“I-I-I can’t d-do it anymore.” Addison wailed almost collapsing into Ryder’s arms. 

“Addie?” 

“It’s Liam.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem. You’d rather cover up, I’d rather let them bleed. So let me be and I’ll set you free.” 

 

“Another.” A hand with painted pink nails slammed against the damp bar, sticky with sloshed around alcohol. The deafening music thumped through the crowded club, the bass being felt in her chest as she tried to regain her breathe. Her neck was sticky with sweat from dancing and the fire was building in her core. The woman’s limbs were loose and flowing to the barely there melody soaring over the bass; her entire body swaying as she waited for a refill. 

“Don’t you think she’s had enough?” A firm wrist put a stop to the hand about to feed Quinn another drink. The head bar tender of End Zone was now starring down his employee as the drink was starting to get warm. 

“Who am I to stop the lass’ buzz?” The second man spoke, giving a smirk to the girl and pulling his hand away from his boss. 

“This is last call for you girl.” The elder gave a warning glare to both Quinn and the bar tender, who in turn sent a wink in the girl’s direction. The bleach blonde quickly snatched up her cherry colored drink and headed back out onto the dance floor; the neon lights flashing in her eyes and making her glistening skin glow various shades of the rainbow. Her free hand instinctively shot into the air as her hips started to sway. The drunken girl danced her way through the crowd until she was buried deep in the middle of the dance floor. It was like a swarm of bees protecting their queen; bodies surrounding her in every direction, moving in unsynchronized drunkenness.

The nectar sweet liquid fell easily down her throat as warm hands found her hips. Quinn didn’t even bother turning around to face her new catch of the night, not caring about his identity and instead focusing on the sensations he was giving her. His hands moved along her exposed midriff, wrapping around her waist and pulling her backside into him. She reached a hand around, placing her fingers on the back of his neck and running them through his hair. The music swelled as the pair grinded in synch. Quinn let her head lull back, resting on the shoulder of her unknown escort, luminous locks almost touching the waistband of her mini skirt. 

The woman was in ecstasy as another faceless body pushed up against her front. Her eyes drifted closed as strong hands cupped her flushed cheeks, fingers tapping to the beat along the back of her neck. Quinn was sandwiched between two men she would never offer a second glance, men should wouldn’t even remember in the morning. The trio were lost in each other’s movements; skin brushing against skin and touches being traded for pleasure. Quinn let out a moan in harmony with the music as rough lips made their presence known on the side of her neck. She happily tilted her head to the side, allowing better access to whomever was behind her. 

Her darkened green orbs sluggishly opened to the man in front of her; his stare black and hungry. Quinn’s breathing became labored as her hips rocked back and forth. The dark man in front held her stare while opening his mouth, letting his tongue stick out over his bottom lip. A smirk danced upon Quinn’s lips at the tiny blue pill resting on his tongue. She quickly moved forward, lips attacking the man as the pill was exchanged in a messy kiss. 

 

Elsewhere in London, another member of the Style’s family was having their own pleasure filled evening. 

“Oh, yeah.” Breathy words and moans filled the empty spaces of the flat. “Harrrryyy.” A blonde with fading pink streaks arched her back against polka dotted sheets, breathing labored and uneven. Sensations of desire were dancing along her bare skin as the curly haired man provided every ounce of pleasure he could. His sturdy arms were wrapped underneath her thighs, hands holding tight to keep her from squirming under him. Her hips bucked upwards as his tongue ran along her entrance, her sweet juices on his lips. A soft hand played with his curls as he brushed his nose along Claire’s clit, sending waves of excitement through her. “Fuccckkk.” 

“You’re so fucking wet.” Harry lifted his head upwards, catching her eye as she covered her face in embarrassment. The two had just began fooling around and already the girl was completely aroused. Harry couldn’t help but laugh at her flushed cheeks and embarrassed moment. He unwrapped his arms, moving them to each side of Claire on the bed. He pushed himself forward, lips moving up to place hasty kisses on her stomach and breast bone. “Don’t be shy girl.” He pulled her arm away from her hidden face, catching her in surprise when his lips came crashing down onto hers. 

All nervousness was quickly washed away from Claire’s frame as she deepened the kiss; her hands wrapping around Harry’s broad shoulders and pulling him into her. The man propped himself up with one hand while the other ran up and down the woman’s freckled skin; bruised knuckles moving along her hip bones before calloused fingers started messaging her wetness. The blonde moaned into his mouth, joining the sloppy, wet noises filling the room. Her sharp nails scratched at the top of his back as a finger found its way inside her, moving slowly in and out with ease.

“Fuccckkk.” More and more sounds of ecstasy escaped the girl’s throat as Harry picked up the pace, moving in and out of her wetness a few times before adding a second digit. The man watched as the woman’s eyes clouded with an all too familiar glare. He continued to pump his fingers into her, quickening the pace as he sunk back down to attach his lips to her clit. Claire all but started to scream his name as her orgasm built to a climax, hips bucking upwards and head pushing back into the mattress. The giving man continued his efforts as she rode out her orgasm, coming down a few moments later with a heavy, satisfied sigh. “Holy shit!” Harry pulled his fingers from her, licking his lips as he watched her. 

“Damn Claire.” He spoke with a raspy, rough voice while sitting up, still between her legs. Claire propped herself up on her elbows, biting her lip and giving the boy a knowing look of gratification. Her right hand moved up to grab Harry’s wrist, pulling his hand towards her lips. Harry knew she was ready for round two when she sucked her sticky juices from his fingers. 

 

Garbage cans rattled and the sound of skin slapping skin mixed with the sounds of the night. The darkened alleyway was damp and chilled with the November air but that didn’t matter to the intoxicated strangers. They were lost in their own world; a world of alcohol, drugs and sex. 

Quinn’s back was pushed up against the cold brick of the building behind End Zone; skirt balled up around her waist, legs spread and ass held up by the man in front of her. One hand rested on the man’s hip, steading his thrusts as the other held firm to the back of his neck. Her head lulled forward, over his shoulder as her back was repeatedly slammed against the wall with each thrust. The no-name man pounded into her repeatedly, their hips meeting with ease as she bounced before him. 

The blonde’s mind was clouded and messy with soaring emotions and heightened senses, no doubt due to the random drugs she stole from some one’s mouth. Her face was emotionless as the man used her like a doll; no doubt finishing before she even felt a thing. He was just another random shag that would dull the senses and take her mind somewhere else for a moment. She craved any distraction, any source of pleasure or happiness that would momentarily help her forget the past. 

Quinn held herself steady with arms around the stranger before her. His thrusts were becoming more powerful as he slammed into her over and over. She could feel his cock pulsing inside her as he grunted and groaned. Only a few moments later did his technique become sloppy and begin to slow, the woman feeling his cum shooting inside of her. Quinn did not speak or smile as the guy pulled out from her, setting her back on unsteady feet. “Fuck baby. We should do this again sometime.” The guy spoke with heavy breathe as he pulled his boxers and pants back up around his waist. The girl didn’t speak, pulling her skirt back down and pushing past him to exit the alleyway. “Can I at least get your number?” He hollered after her but was only met with silence. 

Quinn walked out onto the busy London street. the thumping bass of the music still echoing even outside the club. Her skin itched with fire and helped fend off the sickening cold. There was still a line of people and underage teens with fake ID’s stretched around the entrance of End Zone but she paid no attention to the hollers and cat calls she received, heels clicking against the pavement with no purpose. Her matted hair swayed in the wind, arms crossed against her chest. She wandered through the streets, eventually disappearing into the night. 

 

Harry reached around to the table beside the bed, pulling a glass of golden whisky to his lips. The liquid provided a familiar burn as it hit the back of his throat. The man leaned his muscled back against the headboard, sipping his drink causally as if Claire was currently not giving him a blow job. He watched as her head bobbed up and down at his hips in a steady, repetitive motion. Harry let himself fall deeper into the darkness as she sucked him off; the alcohol finally catching up to him. His vision was becoming blurry. She bobbed up and down. His ab muscles tensed. She came up for air. Their eyes met as Harry finished off his drink. He slammed the cup back on the table, almost breaking it in two. 

Coffee Claire let out a squeal of surprise as Harry grabbed at her, pulling her up towards him and their lips connecting instantly. The girl was somewhat taken aback by the force at which Harry moved. His touch was rough and eyes hungry. His large hands rapidly found her hips, pushing the pads of his fingertips into her raw skin. The girl straddled Harry, resting on her knees and grinding against his hips; her juices spilling onto his waiting cock. 

The pair continued to make out with wild tongues. Claire reached down, grabbing Harry’s member with a firm hand, slowly stroking him up and down. The man helped lift her up by the hips as she positioned his dick at her entrance. Slowly, she slid down atop him, allowing him to fill her to capacity. The woman’s breathe hitched as she stilled for a moment but Harry was impatient and soon started guiding her hips against him. He rocked his hips upwards as she moved. Claire’s streaky locks fell over her shoulder, brushing against the top of her exposed breasts. 

She continued to ride him as the alcohol pulsed in their blood streams. At one point, her head fell into his shoulder, burying her face as yet another orgasm rocked through her core and sent Harry into overdrive. He wrapped a strong arm around the back of her waist, pulling her to the side so that she rolled onto her back and he was positioned between her legs. It was so quick and effortless, the two never disconnected. Harry was now on top, in full control with dangerously dark eyes and desires. He moved into her with such strong thrusts that the bed rocked back and forth, the headboard hitting against the wall. His hands were all over, exploring every inch of her. 

“Oh my god!” Shrills and shrieks of pleasure filled the room as Harry pounded into her with purpose. Grunts and groans escaped his scratchy throat with each movement. “Ah-ah-ah-Har-“ Claire could no longer form a complete sentence as she was lost to the roughness. “Har-Harry!” She didn’t think it was possible but he pushed in even deeper, hitting her sweet spot with ease. The girl was completely lost in a pleasure induced trance. 

Harry, on the other hand, was lost in his own daze. It was as if he was on auto pilot, thrusting into the girl with a static rhythm while his thoughts clouded over. The darkness was overcoming and undeniable. The pleasure mixed with the pain formed a toxic liquid that ran into the depths of his blood. It bubbled in his stomach and ached in his bones. The world around him was slowly transformed into a different situation. 

“Ha-Harry!” A firm hand came up to cover the girl’s mouth, making her eyes go wide at his show of dominance. Every noise that escaped Claire’s mouth was now muffled and ignored. The boy’s grip tightened around her waist, pressing into her skin so hard it would surely leave marks. Claire started to squirm below him, panic slowly rising in her throat. Her two hands instinctively wrapped around Harry’s wrist, trying to pry his hand away from her mouth. 

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk.” Harry growled over her muffled cries, his rhythm becoming quicker and heavy. “I’m going to break you.” His sweaty curls fell into his eyes, shielding the panicked face of the woman below him. “FUCK” His tone snarled into snake’s venom when he finally pulled his hand from the girl’s mouth. She let out an exasperated breathe, filling her lungs and crying out. 

“Harry! Stop!” She tried to push him away but he was too strong. “You’re hurting me!” The girl tried to move her hips, she tried to pull away or get Harry to stop but it was as if he was no longer present. “Harry!” Without notice, the same firm hand wrapped itself around Claire’s throat, pushing too tight for comfort. She struggled for air as he continued to pound into her. “Harry!” Her raspy voice made no effort. 

“I’m going to make you pay for what you did.” Harry’s free hand positioned itself at the top of her stomach, palm flat against her skin, holding her down and pressing her into the bed. “You don’t deserve to live, darlin.” His fingers closed in tighter around her throat, squeezing until she was struggling to catch air. His once grass green orbs glazed over with a blackness like no other. 

“HAR-“ Claire’s barely there voice squealed beneath him. She pulled against his wrist and kicked against his chest be the two were positioned in a way that would allow her no escape. “HELP!” Tears welled in her eyes due to fear and lack of oxygen filling her lungs. The woman was starting to see black spots, her vision going blurry, and slowly she stilled. It was only when her eyes became fixed on the ceiling, vacant and blank, did Harry release her. 

The man shot back in shock, falling off the foot of the bed and scrambling to his feet. His chest moved in rapid, short spurts. His eyes grew wide as they re-flooded with a pale emerald green. His throat was all of a sudden dry and scratchy, no words able to be spoken. He stood at the edge of the bed in a state of confusion and numbness. Harry’s stare was trained on the woman on the bed; she lay motionless, naked and exposed. Her head was tilted back, lifeless eyes still open; a mix of dirty blonde and stonewashed pink locks tangled and matted against the pillowcase. There was no doubt in Harry’s mind what he had just done. 

In an instant, life was snapped back into Harry. He hurriedly gathered his clothes, pulling on a pair of jeans in the rush. The man paced back and forth in the room in a panic. His hands not knowing what to do and repetitively running through his disheveled curls. His glance kept landing on Claire no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. The man couldn’t even remember it happening; the two were having sex, he blacked out and suddenly Claire was dead. He had killed her without even knowing. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” The same three words were uttered over and over again as he fished out his phone. 

“I-I need your help!” He continued to pace while speaking, “I fucked up again! I fucked up so bad and I don’t know what to do! I didn’t know who to call! No one can know what I did! I’ll be killed if anyone finds out!” The words continued to spill and spill out of Harry’s mouth while the person on the other line remained silent. “I killed her! She’s dead! I’m looking at her right now and she is dead! My DNA is all over her, I can’t just leave her like this! Oh my god….I killed her.” Slow sobs of realization and guilt flooded into him, tears falling from eyes and onto the carpet. 

“Where are you?” 

 

&&&&

 

“Hi Novo…has Quinn come home yet?” Waverly brushed up against the door frame, leaning into it while Novo flipped through channels on the telly. Her voice was sweet and filled with exhaustion. “I figured she would be back by now but she never came up.” 

“I haven’t seen her.” The boy mumbled, not even bothering to look over at the girl. 

“Thanks.” Waverly pushed her weight off the frame, padding down the hall to the office where a light still shown. She slowly pushed the door open, the sight of Louis coming into view. He was on his feet in the middle of the room, phone pressed tightly to his ear and a blank expression across his face. “Is that Quinn?” The girl whispered, pointing to the phone in his hand. The Howler king gave her a small nod before she sunk back out of the room. 

“Did Quinn call for a ride?” She questioned of Hopper as he dug through the kitchen cabinets for a late night snack. “She said she would be back by now.” 

“Sorry, haven’t heard from her. Didn’t know I needed to pick her up.” Hopper peaked his head around one of the cabinets, shooting the girl a look of confusion. 

“I told her I would pick her up if she needed a ride but she said not to worry and that she would call you or Novo if she needed one.” 

“Well sorry babe, I haven’t heard anything.” Waverly’s shoulders slumped as she caught a glance at the clock. It was much later than she had anticipated and her best friend was supposed to be home almost two hours ago. “I’m sure she just got caught up with some bloke.” 

“Maybe….I think I’m gonna go down and have a look. End Zone only closed a few minutes ago so she should still be around.” 

“Wait up. Louis’ would kill me if I let you go alone, I’ll give ya a lift.” The girl sent a sweet smile of thanks to Hopper as he grabbed the car keys off the counter. The ride to the club was short and silent, the radio playing softly in the background. When they rounded the corner, they were met with a crowd of drunken teens dispersing along the streets. Hopper didn’t hesitate to pull right up to the entrance, shouting profanities at people who wouldn’t get out of his way. Waverly jumped out of the car, not caring she was dressed in sweatpants and one of Zayn’s old tees. She moved through the crowd, eyes set on the bouncer. 

“Hey Ed! Have you seen Quinn anywhere?” She shouted over the crowed.

“Sorry darling! Walked outta here a few hours ago!” 

“Was she with anyone?” 

“Nah, just herself.” 

“Thanks Ed!” 

“Not a problem babe! Get home safe!” 

Waverly pushed her way back to the car where Hopper was still mumbling profanities under his breathe. She slid into the front seat, pulling her phone from the cup holder. “She left alone a few hours ago.” 

“The fucks she gone then?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine.” The woman scrolled through the phone, clicking on Quinn’s number and pulling her mobile up to her ear. It rang and rang before going to voicemail. “Still no answer.” 

“Well now what?” Hopper was growing impatient while Waverly racked her memory for places Quinn could have wandered too. 

“I’ve got one last place to look…” 

 

&&&&

 

Harry was completely beside himself. He cried, he paced, he panicked. The man could no longer stand to look at the girl’s body and haphazardly threw a polka dotted sheet over her, closing the bedroom door and choosing to wait for help in the living room. He kept the lights dim and the curtains drawn. Harry could not come to terms with what he had done. The boy thought he was doing better, slowly starting to return to normal with the help of his therapy sessions. Never did he think he was capable of something like this. Never did he think he would kill someone, let alone someone so innocent. 

Two forceful knocks on the front door of Claire’s flat sent Harry jumping out of his skin. He hurried to the door in a huff, pulling it open to the only person he expected. “What the fuck have you done now Haz?” Louis walked through the door with an unamused expression. 

“I-I don’t know how it happened. I didn’t know who else to call-“ 

“Where is she?” 

“In there.” Harry pointed towards the closed bedroom door with a shaky hand. The boss of the Howlers ignored his estranged friend and moved towards the room, pushing the door open to reveal Claire just where Harry had left her. 

“Bloody hell.” Louis’ voice dripped disappointment and annoyance. “Just when I thought you couldn’t be more of a fuck up.” Harry silently ignored the jab even though he knew it was true. “Well we better get rid of the body then, yeah?” The sandy brunette moved towards the body, pulling the sheet and wrapping it underneath her before motioning for Harry to help lift her. 

“I-I’m surprised you answered the phone.” 

“Now’s not the time for small talk Harry.” Louis helped lift the girl into Harry’s arms, making sure the sheet was fully covering her. 

“I know…but…just…”

“Just leave it will ya?” 

“Thanks Lou.” 

 

&&&&

 

The car rolled quietly down the deserted neighborhood street. The small street lamps illuminated the look alike houses. One after the other, each the same as the last. “I think it’s this one right up here on the left.” Waverly gave soft instructions to Hopper as the car rolled to a stop. The house was pitch black, no signs of life. The pair cautiously exited the car, looking around the eerily silent neighborhood. Hopper made a motion for Waverly to stay behind him as they walked up the path, noticing the broken glass below the open front window. The blonde stood up straighter when she watched Hopper pull a gun from behind his back. “You really think we need that?” 

“Better to be safe than sorry. Stay here.” Hopper disappeared into the house through the window while Waverly waited anxiously at the front door. Not long later did the front door swing open, Hopper motioning for her to come in. The entire home was vacant and dusty; dark and unlived in for years. The two cautiously wandered through the hallway, through the living room and through the kitchen. No sign of Quinn anywhere. Waverly was just about to suggest checking upstairs when something caught her eye. 

“Quinn?” Her voice grew tight and shaky. Hopper followed her gaze before quickly darting out into the back garden of the Style’s childhood home. He was neck deep in water, pulling Quinn’s body from the pool in a flash, while Waverly stood frozen on the patio.


	6. Chapter 6

”You told me not to cry when you were gone but the feeling’s overwhelming, it’s much too strong. Can I lay by your side? Next to you and make sure you’re alright. I’ll take care of you and I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight.”

 

Just passed midnight, the first snowflake fell on the unfrozen ground and it continued to snow throughout the night….

As Ryder tossed and turned under the sheets. 

As Niall watched from his perch in the corner of the room. 

As Addison sipped her tea in the dark kitchen. 

As Bauer, Denver and Tex drove home from the airport. 

As Hattie laid awake in her bed. 

As Schmidty walked restlessly around the chilly streets. 

As Killian struggled to fill a position not meant for him.

The white, wispy snowflakes floated down from the disappearing clouds and covered the sleeping city. It left its mark on the town, creating a thin sheet of purity that would soon be muddled with footprints, turning it an unappealing grey. The first snow was always a welcomed sight, signaling the start of the holiday season and rejuvenating the children’s excitement for winter break; a time filled with family, food and inappropriate snowmen. It brought excitement to the young and grumpy moods to the old. 

The first snow came much too early this year. Mother Nature deciding to grace London with a light drifting before Christmas lights were illuminated and decorations hung; before children wrote their wish lists and mothers did their shopping. The trees had not gotten the memo either, still sprouting leaves of newly turned gold and auburn. There seemed to be a miscommunication with the earth and the sky; two different forces forging their own path of life, coming together in a rarely peaceful surrender during the midnight hours only to be thrown into battle when the sun rose. 

The clean frost reminded everyone just how much time had come and gone. 

Ocean blue eyes on the verge of closing caught a glimpse of the light blizzard under the illuminated sky as it began, thoughts being lost to the falling snow. The boy was torn as to how to proceed, how to continue on the never ending path life had pushed him down. It had been toying on his mind for weeks now. Over and over again he replayed the nights, the conversations, and the things his eyes were never meant to see. He thought back to the road he chose and the mistakes he made. Was it possible to ever go back to his life before this? He knew he would never be the same, not after what he’s been through…what they’ve been through. 

Ryder shifted under the sheets, whimpering slightly. Niall knew it would only be a matter of time before she woke up in a cold sweat, refusing to share her nightmarish thoughts. Since their two sided breakfast conversation, Ryder had been taking slow but noticeable steps to help herself heal. Niall was still unable to touch her but she was getting better about making eye contact. She spoke on occasion, rarely and softly, but it was better than nothing. The boy almost wanted to laugh at how often he had started using that phrase: It’s better than nothing. Was this really better than not having her in his life at all? 

There used to be no doubt in the blonde’s mind that he loved her; that he needed her in his life. It was the most obvious thing because when you love someone, you feel them with each heartbeat. Their presence is always known, even when you couldn’t be further apart. Your feet can’t feel the ground and your heart threatens to jump out of your chest; beating with such ferocity that it drowns everything else out…everything but their voice. The butterflies in your stomach turn into a hurricane of tsunami proportions when your eyes meet and you can never hear their laugh enough. 

Niall longed for all these feelings, these signs, in the months he was without Ryder. His heart ached and his stomach felt an unwanted emptiness as the butterflies died away. The boy’s feet were heavy, forcing him to move through life like walking through freshly poured wet concrete. A spectrum of emotions ran through him like electricity but never the ones he craved. Was he naive in thinking those feelings would rush back the moment Ryder was in his arms? If they had, there would have been no frustration, no anger, or confusion, and hurt that ultimately led him into the bed of another woman. It was obvious he cared for Ryder, and would continue to care about her, but would it ever be like it was? Would the butterflies ever return? Or was it time for a fresh start, just like Mother Nature blanketing the dirty streets with fresh snow. 

Without thinking, Niall found himself rising slowly from his chair. He padded over to the foot of the bed and watched Ryder as she slept. Her brow was scrunched and eyes closed tightly, sure signs of her tormented thoughts wreaking havoc. The girl’s breathing was heavy as sleep continued to keep control of her, forcing her to relive the disturbing movie reel memories she would forever carry with her. Niall watched on with a blank expression, his thoughts battling. Memories flashing before his eyes like a slideshow. Faces and places. Ryder. Hattie. 

Before he knew what was happening, his feet were carrying him out of the room. He moved down the hall as if on auto pilot, his footsteps catching Hattie’s attention but not concerning enough for her to move from bed. The boy padded across the kitchen entrance, both he and Addison oblivious to each other’s presence. In his sleep-walking yet entirely conscious state, he slid on a pair of boots, grabbed a jacket and slipped into the waiting elevator. 

The fresh air didn’t seem to push him from his trance, only tickling his nose at first breath. The white snow disappeared into his light hair, leaving only dampness in its wake. The thoughts continued to rage as the boy’s eyes remained emotionless, unaware of his surroundings. Niall’s feet seemed to know exactly where to take him though; each footprint leaving its mark in the snow, a singular trail down the middle of the street. His path was empty, undisturbed, making him feel like he was in his own personal snow globe. One that had just been shaken up and was now starting to settle. 

He walked and walked, exhaustion creeping up like a familiar friend. His damp hair was now sticking to his forehead, cheeks turning a bright red to match the tip of his nose. The blonde’s jacket was pulled tight and yet the cold didn’t seem to bother him. It wasn’t until he pushed through a front door, the warmth shooting into him, did he realize how chilled he was. 

His flat was dark, not a single light having been turned on in weeks. The curtains were still drawn and luckily the spare key was right where he had left it. Ryder always had a knack for losing her keys and Niall never wanted her to be locked out. There was an unwelcomed, foul smell coming from the kitchen and no doubt the empty pizza box on the living room table but Niall didn’t care. He didn’t bother cleaning up or turning on a light, he didn’t even bother taking his boots off as he stepped over the array of envelopes on the floor and stomped up the stairs. 

The bedroom was situated the exact way it was the last time he was here: dirty sheets falling off the side of the bed, a mix of Ryder and his clothes spewed across the floor. A stack of thick books arranged on the left bedside table, page markers hanging out of each in various locations. The TV remote on the right table, next to a Sports Illustrated and an opened box of condoms. It was exactly how they had left it all those months ago. It was as if nothing had changed when in reality, everything had. 

Niall pulled off his snow covered boots, throwing them carelessly on the carpet before sliding into his side of the empty bed. He laid there, back to Ryder’s usual side, knees pulled up to his stomach, and jacket clenched tight around his chest. After what seemed like hours of staring at the wall, the memories started to fade and the boy’s eye lids became too heavy to stay open. Sleep finally overtook Niall, silencing his thoughts for the first time in weeks. 

 

The warm tea cup was keeping Addison’s hands from shaking. As with many in the SevenSins household, sleep was hard to come by these days. The woman spent all hours worrying for her friends, her family. She never was able to sleep when someone was not home or unaccounted for. She was a natural worrier. It was ridden in her bones, nesting in her heart, and no matter how hard she tried the anxiety was overwhelming. That was one of the things Liam and she shared, a constant worry and responsibility for everyone’s wellbeing. Unfortunately, the ravened beauty was fraying at the edges in Liam’s absence. 

Addison was trying to keep a brave face. She knew these circumstances could become a possibility in the back of her mind, but she always remained optimistic. Nothing and no one could have prepared her for this though. She watched the SevenSins crumble once before and vowed to do everything in her power to keep the ones she loved from going through that again. When Liam was given his position, Addison assumed her role as well; committing herself to this life and the people in it. No matter how dark and disturbing the business could get, Addison always saw the light in each member, knowing they fought for the overall good most of the time. 

The clock had just passed three in the morning when she was able to let out a sigh of relief. The elevator doors slid open and three exhausted members drug themselves into the penthouse, each with backpacks and duffle’s that found themselves tossed aside in an instant. Addison gently set her tea on the counter and moved towards the commotion, a wave of assurance sinking in when she caught their faces. “Welcome home.” 

“Jesus! Addie don’t do that!” Tex practically jolted awake at her sneaking up on them. The naturally tanned man with sandy blonde curls all a mess looked like he hadn’t showered in weeks, let alone brushed his teeth. 

“Why are you still awake?” Bauer moved towards the woman with a sleepy smile, placing a welcomed kiss on her cheek, his unrivaled shaggy beard tickling her. Addie only answered with a small half smile and shrug. 

“Any news on Liam?” Denver looked ready to fall over and sleep right there on the floor. Once again the woman answered without words, just a solemn nod. It pained her to watch all three faces fall in disappointment but nothing matched the heartache that she was already feeling. “I’m going to bed.” 

“Right behind you.” 

“Is everyone else asleep?” Bauer followed Addison into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of tea to help calm him before succumbing to the inevitable sleep. 

Addison let out a sarcastic chuckle, “I think Ryder is the only one….maybe Hattie. Niall is in with Ryder and Killian is in the office. Schmidty went for a walk….” She glanced at the clock, “…a few hours ago.” 

“It’s really starting to snow out there. I’ll give him a ring before I turn in, yeah? You should really get some sleep babe.” 

“I’ve been trying.” Addie poured herself a second cup. “I might just head down to Hospital soon. You should come later this afternoon, it’s been a while.” 

“Yeah….it has.” A soft hand stoked through his beard. “I was ah-thinking about going up to Bedford tomorrow er-today.” 

“Oh really?” Addison couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice, eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah.” A sweet smile crept its way onto Addison’s face as Bauer donned a noticeable blush. 

“Well drive safe…and tell Matilda I say hello.” The woman placed a reassuring hand on his bicep, giving a light squeeze before taking her cup and disappearing towards the bedroom. 

Even in his drained state, the burly boy finished off his tea and dug his phone out of his jacket pocket. He pushed Schmidty’s speed dial number and moved down the hall towards the office. With the phone pressed to his ear, ringing quietly, he cracked open the office door to see Killian with his head resting on the desk; eyes closed and drool seeping into the papers underneath him. Bauer quietly shut the door again, walked to the opposite side of the penthouse, and pushing lightly on Hattie’s bedroom door. “Nightly check.” He whispered, unsurprised she was still awake. Hatie shot him a thumbs up before rolling onto her side. 

By the time he had reached Ryder’s room, the phone call had gone unanswered. With slight hesitation, Bauer ended the call without leaving a message. The door to Ryder’s room was slightly cracked, allowing him a quick view of Ryder in bed. Her raven waves were sprouting in every direction, eye lids peacefully shut. When he pushed the door open further his brows scrunched in bewilderment. The chair in which Niall usually spent his nights was empty. No sign of the boy in sight. Bauer closed his eyes gently, taking a deep breath and closing the door again. 

 

The sun had peaked its way over the horizon long before Ryder had woken. It illuminated the sky with its beams reflecting off the pure white snow. The girl tossed and turned a few times, begging for her rare peaceful sleep to remain uninterrupted but she was not given the luxury and was forced to greet the day. She opened her pale eyes but quickly had to squint due to the brightness of the room. With eyes barely open, the girl pulled herself from the bed. She stretched and yawned before catching the empty chair in the corner. This was not the first time she had awoken to the sight and no longer concerned herself with where Niall could be. He always did seem to turn up during breakfast.

Speaking of breakfast…as if on cue, Ryder’s stomach started begging for food; rumbling and gurgling in starvation. This was the first time in a long time that she could remember actually being hungry. The girl placed a hand over her stomach and smiled, climbing out of bed with a renewed skip in her step. But upon entering the kitchen, she was greeted with an unfamiliar sight. It was empty. Addison wasn’t flitting about the cooktop. Hattie wasn’t indulging in her morning tea and book. No one was circled around the table chatting. Niall was nowhere to be seen. Ryder narrowed her eyes in confusion…someone was always here. 

There were two notes left of the counter, one with elegant swirly writing and the other in chicken scratch: 

Spending the day with Liam. Left over pork chops in the fridge. –A 

Went to Bedford. Don’t wait up.

Her brows scrunched in confusion as she tossed the notes back onto the counter. It looked as if Ryder would be spending her morning alone. She put on the kettle, grabbed a banana and ventured out into the living room. The snow was barely falling anymore, only a few light flakes drifting down from the sky. The woman ate her breakfast, looking out over the town and wondering where Niall could have gone. 

 

Niall was woken in a state of shock and confusion. The curtains were forcefully pulled open, the bright light causing him to groan. “Time to get up.” The blankets were quickly pulled away from him and his boots thrown onto the bed. “Let’s go blondie.” 

“What are you doing here?” The half-asleep blonde whined. 

“We’re going out. Get a move on.” 

“How did you get in here?” Niall pushed himself up, feet hanging off the side of the bed. His hands aimlessly searched around for the boots that were thrown in his direction. 

“You think I don’t know how to break into someone’s flat? It really does smell fowl in here ya know.” 

“Fuck off Bauer.” This only gained a smile from the burly man before he disappeared down the stairs. Niall could hear the front door open and knew he had no choice but to follow. He lazily threw on a nearby hoodie, not bothering to lace up his boots, grabbed his jacket and padded down the stairs. 

Bauer was already waiting in his car, parked right outside the front gate. Niall pulled the front door shut with a loud bang, a permanent scowl on his face. Against his better judgement, he let himself into the car. The heat was on full blast and only now did the boy realize his traveling companion was dressed in full winter attire; a bright red plaid jacket, black beanie and matching mittens. “Are you wearing mittens?” 

“They’re toasty.” 

“Where we going then?” 

“Bedford.” The car jolted forward, moving slowly down the street as if the driver had never seen snow before. 

“What the fuck is in Bedford?” 

“Business.” Niall stopped asking question, realizing he was only going to receive one word answers from Bauer. Instead, he made himself comfortable, the heat blasting on his face and soon lulling him to sleep. 

His eyes only opened when he felt the car coming to a slow stop. Bauer had pulled up along the river bank, the water still moving swiftly and avoiding being covered by snow. The sky was a bit greyer now, the sun being covered by growing clouds. “Were here.” Bauer put the car in park and pulled the keys out of the ignition. There were only a few people around. Some walking their dogs down the path, others sitting on the benches with their coffees. There was even a few kids making snow angles on the ground. Niall stayed quiet, following Bauer’s lead and sliding out of the car. They both moved to lean against the hood, looking out onto the scene before them. 

“What are we doing here?” Niall looked to his mate, who didn’t return the favor. “Bauer?” The bearded man pushed off the car, walking towards the group of children playing. The blonde lagged behind, watching curious. He couldn’t hid his confusion when a woman appeared from behind a tree. She smiled as she pulled Bauer into a hug. 

“Long time no see Andy.” 

“You look lovely, Laura.” He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek while Niall waited awkwardly behind the pair. “Where is she then?” 

“Matilda!” The woman yelled over to the group of kids playing, catching a small girl’s attention. The girl’s face lit up as she came running over, her chestnut brown plaits swinging under her cap. 

“ANDY!” The little girl, who looked no more than four, jumped into Bauer’s arms as he swung her around. “I’ve missed you!” She squealed. 

“I’ve missed you too, Tilly.” Bauer set her down gently, putting his mitten covered hands along her cheeks. Niall watched the whole exchange curiously before Matilda dragged the man off towards where she was playing. 

“Laura.” The messy blonde stuck her hand out. 

“Oh, shit. I’m –um Niall.” He took her hand politely, after struggling to free it from his jacket pocket. 

“Nice to meet you.” She smiled sweetly, turning back to watch Bauer and Matilda who was hiding behind a tree as a snowball hit her feet. 

“Is he? I mean…are you two?” The blonde fumbled for words, unsure of what was really happening. 

“Andy? He’s her dad.” 

“I-I didn’t-“ 

“He doesn’t want people to know. He says it’s best for us if no one knows. Hell, Tilly thinks he’s her uncle.” Niall was at a loss for words. Laura spoke so casually about the situation. She seemed used to idea of going along with the charade. The boy just couldn’t understand though, why lie to your own child? Why refuse your child the notion of having a father? “I know if sounds crazy.” Laura laughed as the two newly acquainted strangers watched on. “Andy is just protecting us…you know how it goes with his job.” 

“Yeah…” 

 

&&&&

 

When Ryder realized no one was going to come home soon, and after her calls to Niall went unanswered, she decided to venture to the hospital where she knew she would find company. The lobby was all hustle and bustle as people were coming and going; some with grief stricken faces and others with blank expressions. The girl tried not to make eye contact with the people, especially the solemn ones. She walked through the lobby, boots squeaking against the floors, pushed the elevator button and waited. 

That was when he saw her…while she waited patiently for the lift. Her cheeks were flushed, damp hair cascading down her back in small waves. The woman’s knitted sweater was much too large, reaching down to her thighs and falling lopsided against her leggings. Her fingers tapped along the edge of her jacket, mesmerizing Harry as he watched from down the hall. He was frozen on his feet, watching from a distance before she disappeared through the doors. 

Ryder was not surprised when she found Addison laying in the hospital bed next to Liam. Her head resting against his shoulder and hand on his chest. Her legs were draped over his and her eyes shut peacefully. Ryder couldn’t help but smile at the couple. If you removed their surroundings and the constant beeping, it was if they were at home cuddling in bed. Ryder almost didn’t catch Liam’s arm slung tightly around Addie’s waist, his fingers rubbing small circles around her hip. The pair looked so in love, sleeping together, that it brought tears to raven girls eyes. 

&&&&

 

The sun had already set by the time Niall and Bauer were on their way home. The car ride was quiet and slightly awkward after their fun filled day in Bedford. The pair spent the day building snowmen and drinking hot chocolate with Matilda and Laura. Niall seemed too had forgotten about everything else while trying to find the perfect nose for Tilly’s third instalment in her snowman family. 

“Who all knows about her?” Niall broke the silence. 

“Just the family…and I would prefer to keep it that way.” 

“Why doesn’t she know you’re her dad?” 

“I can’t bring her into all of this. She’s better off if she doesn’t know and it’s better for everyone else if they don’t know about her. I don’t want anything to happen to her.” 

“You mean like what happened to Ryder…” 

“The less she knows the better.” 

The two let the conversation lull before Niall spoke again. “Why’d you bring me today?”

Bauer stayed quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts before speaking. “I love Tilly more than anything in this world….and it kills me that I can’t be with her, that I can’t see my daughter every day. I missed her first steps and her first words. I miss every birthday because I’m trying to give her a better life….and in order for that to happen I can’t be around. It kills me inside, every day of my life for the past four years.” 

“Bauer..I-“

“You don’t know how much it hurts kid. To love someone so much and not be able to even see them...to be apart of their life.” Bauer never had to say it but Niall knew exactly why he brought him today. 

By the time the two made it back into the city, Bauer didn’t even waste his time driving back to where he found Niall this morning and Niall didn’t even question. They pulled into the garage and the blonde followed the SevenSins member into the penthouse. It was quiet, as it usually was these days. The living room was illuminated by the moon but the rest of the flat remained dark. It was hard to tell if anyone was even home. 

Bauer gave the boy a hearty pat on the shoulder before heading off on his own towards the office. The blonde stood awkwardly in the entrance for a few moments, teetering back and forth on where to go. With a deep breathe he slid off his boots, tore away his jacket and turned towards the only room he needed to go to. 

He found her right where he had left her; curled up on the side of the bed. Ryder was facing the window, her skin shining under the soft light, eyes closed peacefully. He looked at her like it was the first time he had ever seen her, like the night he couldn’t take his eyes off of her at the pub all those years ago. His heart started to race and he swallowed hard. 

Inch by inch he moved towards the bed. 

Slowly, Niall pulled back the blankets on his side. He slid under the covers, trying not to move too much and wake the sleeping girl. He kept his distance, staying on his back and on his side of the bed. He thought he had pushed far enough just by getting into the same bed as Ryder but his heart wanted to leap out of his chest when she rolled over and snuggled into his side.


	7. Chapter 7

“It’s alright to cry, even my dad does sometimes. So don’t wipe your eyes, tears remind you you’re alive. It’s alright to die, ‘cause deaths the only thing you haven’t tried. But just for tonight, hold on.”

 

Tension.

The air was thick and constricted. 

Quinn sat with her feet dangling off the side of the hospital bed. The grey blanket was barely covering her shoulders and the darkness around her eyes was a mixture of exhaustion and mascara. Her skin was colorless; bloodshot blue eyes standing out to almost match the color of her tinted lips. The girl’s stare was glued to the floor and yet she was knowledgeable of all the eyes on her. 

Her best friend, Waverly, sat on the edge of her seat, hair pulled back into a loose pony and black pea-coat cinched tightly around her waist. Waverly’s face was stricken with apprehension as she bit her lip hesitantly. She wanted to speak but had nothing to say. Seeing Zayn’s dead body bleeding out on the kitchen floor was the worst thing she had ever witnessed, an image forever haunting her, but finding her best friend floating in the water was a push over the already crumbling edge. 

Louis stood firm against the back wall, arms crossed against his chest. The look on his face said it all; his dark stare piercing through Quinn’s back as if he was trying to look through her with the X-ray vision he didn’t possess. The Howler King could feel the stiffness in his neck and the oncoming migraine. It was just one thing after another and the man’s tolerance for the Style’s family was running very thin these days. 

The fourth body in the room took up the small corner, completely void of expression. Every emotion and thought ran through Harry’s mind like a semi-truck with faulty brakes; he was a runaway train about to reach the end of the tracks. The thought of losing his baby sister was devastating. The thought of losing his baby sister to suicide was incomprehensible. He couldn’t help but blame himself for leaving her in such a fragile state; it only added to the list of heavy guilt already weighing on his shoulders. 

“Well?” Louis broke the silence in a frustrated tone, choosing to give no more of his sympathy to the world. No one responded to him though, everyone staying tight lipped and in a trance. He couldn’t help his eyes rolling backwards and the aggravated sigh that filled the room. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” 

Silence.

“Quinn?” Waverly’s barely there voice flowed out in worry, a gentle hand reaching out to try and rest on her best friend’s knee only to be swiftly taken back when Quinn shifted away from her. The hurt in Waverly’s eyes was something everyone had been accustomed too lately and yet it still tore at their emotions. The woman’s stark blue eyes were damp and her breath was caught in her throat. She opened her mouth to speak again but nothing came out, instead she blinked away the tears and slowly rose from her chair. The blonde pulled her purse tightly into her stomach, giving Quinn one last look before ducking out of the room, Louis unenthusiastically following after a few beats. 

“Hey!” Louis shouted to the girl as she moved through the hospital hallway past Hopper and Novo who quickly walked the other way. “Where d’ya think you’re going?” 

“Anywhere but here.” Waverly stopped in a huff, spinning to reveal her tear stricken face to Louis. 

“I’ll give ya a lift home.” 

“I’m not going home! I can’t go back there.” The girl let her bag swing to her side, eyes rolling up in a failed effort to stop the tears from falling. “I can’t do this anymore.” 

“What are you going on about?” 

“This!” The woman motioned to her surroundings, “All of this.” Her eyes instinctively looked over Louis’ shoulder and towards Quinn’s hospital room. “Just when I thought things were getting better…when I was getting better, she goes and does this? I mean come on! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me here!” Louis took a step back as words flew from the girl’s mouth in rapid succession. “I lost someone not her! I lost my boyfriend!” Her free hand pushed into her chest, “I lost my best friend in the entire world and you don’t see me trying to off myself!” 

“Waves.” Louis gave her a firm warning. 

“No! I’ve been looking after her for months! Even before Zayn died! And then everything happened, because of her brother no less, and I pushed my feelings aside for her and this is how she repays me?! When is she going to grow up and stop being a selfish cry baby?” 

“I couldn’t agree more.” The statement stopped Waverly mid rant, surprised at Louis’ agreement. 

“What?” She whispered. 

“Everything you just said, I agree with. Quinn has been a selfish child from the day I met her. It was always, ‘what’s in it for Quinn? How is this going to benefit me?’ Why do you think I don’t pay her any attention anymore?” Louis spoke with such truth to the girl he used to only tolerate. “But she hasn’t had an easy life, ya know?” 

“None of us have and that’s no excuse.” 

“I know,” Louis’ hands went up in surrender. “but everyone deals with things differently.” 

“Why are you making excuses for her? You’re the last person who should be defending a Styles.” 

“I’m not making excuses for anyone. You have every right to be mad at her but that’s not going to change how this works.” The man watched on as Waverly practically broke before him.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be responsible for her.” Realization had reached Waverly as she all but collapsed, Louis quickly reaching out and pulling her into his arms. “I can’t…I can’t.” She sobbed, arms reaching around and wrapping tight around the man holding her. “I can’t be strong for everyone.” 

“You don’t have to be.” Louis’ loaded words were an unspoken vow he was willing to add to his burdens. A pain of guilt for not realizing everyone was struggling just like him. Month’s had passed since the Howler/Sins showdown and he never bothered to ask how everyone else was getting on. “You don’t have to be strong anymore.” 

 

Just a few rooms away, the estranged brother and sister remained in silence. 

What was left to be said between the two? 

A brother, who used to think the world of his baby sister. Someone who used to do everything in his power to give her the life she deserved. A boy who fed her bottles and changed her diapers. A teenager who sent her packages of her favorite sweets while she was away at school. A man who let her fall to the wayside. 

A sister, who idolized her big brother and looked to him for guidance. A girl who longed for his approval and attention. Someone who looked forward to their weekly video calls and morning texts. A woman who eventually gave up hope of finding the brother she once had, even when he was standing right in front of her. 

Their relationship was beyond fixing and both of them believed it. 

Minutes passed but it seemed like hours. The sterile white room provided no comfort and only added to the tightness of the air. Harry moved his foot an inch forward before leaning back into the wall, unsure of his actions. 

Quinn remained in her spot, her less than perfect blonde locks drying into a loose curl she always made an effort to hide. She scooted back onto the squeaky hospital bed, pulling her knees up towards her stomach, hands shaking. Confrontation had never been a strong suit for the woman, even though her confident personality said otherwise. It was different with Harry though, he was the last person she wanted to argue with….let alone be scolded by. 

“Why?” Harry’s voice was clouded and rough, barely louder than a mouse. “Just tell me why.” He asked again when Quinn gave him no answer. “Answer me, Quinn.” Harry was growing impatient and frustrated at his sisters lack of interested in their discussion. His temper was boiling in the pit of his stomach with every passing moment of no answers. Quinn barely even acknowledged his presence in the room. “Your blood alcohol was off the charts and they found traces of PCP and LSD in your system. You’re lucky you didn’t die before you had the chance to go for a swim!” 

Quinn flinched but kept her mouth shut and eyes glued to her lap. 

“Fucking hell, Quinn!” Harry’s annoyance was in top form. “What do you have to say for yourself?” 

“Go away.” 

“Excuse me?” The man moved forward, pushing off the wall and only stopping when he was at the foot of her bed. There was no denying the wrath in his eyes. 

“Go. Away.” Quinn’s voice was shaky but growing in volume. 

“No.” Harry spoke forcefully. 

“Leave!” 

“Not until you tell me why!” An all-out screaming match had begun between the siblings. 

“Like you even care!” Quinn finally looked up, catching her brother’s eyes. In an instant, Harry was flooded with memories. He was transported back to the day Quinn came home from school, after their father was killed; when she walked through the door, ratted black teddy clutched tightly to her chest. That image, her bloodshot eyes and knotted hair, forever a memory he tried to forget. He had never seen anyone so sad before, so broken, and here she was again with the same shattered stare as before. 

Harry softened his voice, almost in shock, “You don’t think I care?” The girl didn’t answer, only looking away and wiping a tear from her cheek. “You’re my sister, Quinn. We’re family.” 

“Don’t try to pretend like we’re a family.” She spit out with venom, “We haven’t been a family for a long time.” Harry took a step back, the words lost in his chest. 

“You-you’re still my sister.” 

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it.” Quinn turned away from Harry, signaling the end of their conversation but the man had other plans. He sat down in the chair previously occupied by Waverly, a hand running through his dirty curls. How could he have let it get this bad? For his own sister to hate him so much. He knew it was all his fault. The reason Quinn had fallen into such habits, this lifestyle, was because of him. 

“Listen, Quinn…” He took a deep breathe, gathering his thoughts, “I know I’ve been a shitty brother. Well, just a shitty person in general but I never stopped caring about you.” The girl wiped away another fallen tear. “You are my sister and you always will be. The last thing I want is for anything to happen to you. When Waverly called me…I-I lost it! The thought of something happening to you-” 

“If you cared about me so much then why haven’t you been around!?” Quinn did a complete turn, anger and rage replacing her sadness. “Why do you think I never went back to school? Or followed you to the Howlers? I was out partying till dawn every night and you never once said anything! I’d come to breakfast still drunk and high off my ass and you never noticed! You were too concerned with your precious Ryder to even notice me!” 

“That’s not-“ 

“It is true! You’re revenge was all consuming! She was all you ever thought about! And you wonder why I’ve never liked her! I’ve been competing with Ryder Payne my entire life!” Quinn’s words were filled with malice and bitterness. 

“I-I didn’t-“

“Just leave me alone, Harry.” Quinn pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and laid down, turning her back towards her brother. 

Harry slowly stood from his seat, confused whether to leave or stay. He shuffled towards the door before stopping, contemplating his options. “I am sorry.” The man whispered his apology before exiting the room. The hallway was quiet, none of the Howlers to be found. There was nowhere for Harry to go. The boy was an emotional wreck and turned to the only source of comfort he knew. 

The pub was quiet for a Saturday afternoon, only a few straggling university students deciding to start their night early before going their separate ways for the Holidays. There was light music playing in the background as Harry nursed his third whiskey at the bar. The ice was beginning to melt, creating condensation along the glass that numbed Harry’s fingertips. The liquor was coursing through his veins, muddling his thoughts and calming his anxiety. 

Bad choice after bad choice. Harry never wanted for so many people to get hurt but he couldn’t control himself anymore. The list was growing at a rapid pace…coffee Claire and Quinn being its newest addition. It was like a disease manipulating him at every turn, disaster following him like a black cloud. 

Why did trouble seem to follow him everywhere he went?

“Hey honey, whatcha drinking?” A gentle hand found Harry’s shoulder before he heard her voice. His clouded stare tried to focus on the new face taking a seat beside him. The woman had a sly smile and smooth voice; her long, slender legs were endless in a red mini dress. “Vodka martini, extra dirty.” She flagged down the bar tender and placed her order as Harry watched curiously. “What’s your name sweet cheeks?” 

“Harry.” 

“Nice to meet you Harry, I’m Alex.” The woman licked her lips sensually, tucking a loose strand of ashy brown hair behind her triple pierced ear. “What’s a looker like you doing here all alone?” Harry didn’t answer, finishing his drink instead. “He’ll have another.” Alex sent a wink towards the bar tender before sipping her martini. 

Harry tried to avoid her but it was impossible. Alex had no reservation regarding personal space. She chatted away while Harry listened, her fingers dancing along his bicep and forearm. “You’re not much of a talker are you Harry?” She giggled while they both took sips of their drinks. 

Harry’s limbs were starting to feel heavy as his fourth glass was coming to an end. His vision blurred in and out of focus as he watched Alex continue to talk. “You doing alright there darling?” The woman’s face scrunched in concern as Harry swayed on the barstool. She reached out and steadied him by placing a hand on the middle of his back. 

“I should go.” Harry’s words slurred together as he tried, with great difficulty, to get off his stool and stand. He quickly miss-stepped, tripping over his own feet and falling into Alex who jumped up and steadied him. 

“We should get you home. Put it on my tab Joe!” Alex somehow managed to hold Harry’s weight as his head lulled into her shoulder. The pair stumbled out of the pub together just as the sun was beginning to set. 

Harry had no longer had control of his long limbs, his whole weight resting on Alex. His head was already beginning to throb and eyes closing tightly to avoid the outdoor brightness. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening or where they were going, but he soon found himself thrown into the backseat of a car; the slamming of the door causing him to wince. “Just go to sleep Harry…were almost there.” The man was in and out of consciousness before the car even started to move and in no time, he was out cold. 

Voices. 

A mixture of voices. That’s what pulled him from his comatose sleep. He could hear them talking, multiple voices that suggested he was not at his own home. But then again, he never did tell Alex where he lived. He never told Alex anything about him other than his name. “The kid was half drunk when I got there! With a little help from Joe it was all too easy.” 

“Make sure you see T on the way out. He’ll give you your money.”

“All in a day’s work.” 

“We’ll be in contact.” 

Harry kept his eyes closed as he listened to the two sided conversation until he heard a set of footsteps disappearing. He also kept them closed due to the intense throbbing in his head, something much worse than any hangover he’d experienced. He tried to remember how many drinks he had or how he had gotten to where ever he was now. The last thing he remembered was leaving Quinn at the hospital. He moved slightly, feeling around for anything familiar. The voices had gone quiet and the only one of Harry’s senses working was smell; the sweet smell of cigar smoke danced before his nose. 

“Rise and shine!” A high squeaky voice yelled and before Harry had time to react he was drenched in water. His eyes shot open with the sharpest of breathes, the cold water shocking his system and pumping adrenaline into his weakened muscles. He lunged forward, falling and hitting the floor with a thunderous thud and landing on his hands and knees. He couldn’t help but cough, some of the water having traveled into his lungs. 

“Ah, there’s the guest of honor.” A cunning deep voice spoke over Harry’s coughing fit as a pair of polished black shoes came into his sightline. Harry looked up, his soaking hair falling into his muddled green orbs and sending water droplets falling onto his face and the carpet below. A large, overweight man with thinning hair stood before him; looking down with a wicked smile spread on his lips and a burning cigar intertwined in his fingers. 

“What do you want?” Harry coughed out, moving back onto his knees to get a better view. 

“It’s time we had a little chat, Harold.”


	8. Chapter 8

Oh, the spaces between us keep getting deeper. It's harder to reach you, even though I try. Spaces between us, hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless and I don't know why." 

 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Addison’s face was full of worry as she swayed nervously on her feet. “There’s no rush, you know. You can stay as long as you need to.” 

“Addie, babe, I’m fine.” Liam finished pulling on his jacket, hiding a small wince as he slid his left arm through the sleeve. “I need to get out of this place.” 

“But the doctor said you could use a few more days.” 

“He also said that if I felt up to it, I could rest at home…” Liam moved towards the shaking girl, two hands sneaking under her unzipped jacket and around her hips. “With you…” He pulled her in close enough for their noses to be touching. “In our own bed…” He placed a slow kiss upon her lips, both eyes instinctively closing as the pair melted into each other. “Where there are no doctors and people asking how I’m feeling every five minutes.” 

“Did you forget about then ten people that currently live in our house?” Addison giggled as she pulled away from her man. “I just don’t want you to rush back into things. I know how stressful it can get and the doctor said you needed to rest and relax…” Liam snuck up and placed another kiss upon her lips to stop her from rambling. 

“Babe, I just want to be home.” Addison couldn’t deny his chocolate, puppy dog eyes but she also couldn’t fight the uneasiness bubbling in her stomach. She had sat by Liam’s bedside for months hoping and praying that this day would come and now here it was and she was on edge. A small part of her had hoped this would be a wakeup call for Liam and the SevenSins but she knew in her heart that he would never resign or let things fall to the wayside. The SevenSins were a way of life that she wasn’t sure was good anymore. “You ready?” Liam threw on a knitted beanie and wrapped its matching scarf around his neck, knowing it would please Addison to see him so bundled up. 

The woman grabbed Liam’s bag off the chair, giving one last look at the hospital room, knowing she would not miss it. Her eyes scanned over and landed on her boyfriend; his sweet, reassuring smile was all she needed and with a deep breathe she wrapped her free arm under his bicep and the pair made their way home. 

 

“It looks crooked.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“It’s definitely crooked.”

“Mate, it’s totally crooked.” 

“Seriously?” A growl of annoyance came from the bearded man standing on a chair. With a glance over his shoulder, he narrowed his eyes at Denver, Tex and Schmidty. The three stood with smirks playing on their faces while Ryder tried to stifle a laugh from behind the kitchen counter. “I hate you all.” Bauer stepped off the chair with a thud, moving backwards to get a good look at his handy work. 

“It looks great, thank you.” Ryder rounded the corner with a tray of waffles, placing them among the array of breakfast items on the table. 

“Cheers.” Bauer snuck a sausage while the brunette admired her “Welcome Home” banner now hanging over the window. The girl had woken up earlier than normal to make sure everything was just right for her brother’s welcome home breakfast. She ran through the house picking up empty bottles, discarded bags of crisps and pillows thrown across the floor and eventually everyone was woken to the sound of the vacuum at half past six. Once the house was up to par, the kitchen came alive with sounds and smells that teased the SevenSins until one by one they appeared in the kitchen. 

“I think they’re here.” Niall shuffled into the kitchen. 

“Living room!” Ryder herded everyone into the penthouse living room where they waited for the elevator doors to open. “Where are the twins?” The girl looked around frantically for the missing pair of redheads. 

“Present.” An exhausted Killian appeared from the office hallway followed closely by a similar looking Hattie. Niall couldn’t hide his surprise seeing as this was the first time he had witness the twins alone together. Hattie usually played the lone wolf while Killian was surrounded by the other Sins. It was a bit strange to see the two together for once, but apparently it didn’t faze anyone else and he quickly let the thought fade when he noticed Ryder’s face. The woman had to bite her lip to hide her growing smile; eyes gleaming and hands fidgeting. The boy was so caught up in watching her, he didn’t even hear Liam and Addison’s arrival until a chorus of “Welcome Home” and “Surprise” snapped him from his trance. 

Liam immediately became bashful and embarrassed, his cheeks staying a bright red not just from the outside cold. Ryder couldn’t contain herself, she dashed forward and quickly pulled Liam into a loose hug. A pain of hurt hit a nerve with Niall at the sight. This was the first person Ryder had let breach her personal bubble besides Addison. Ryder didn’t remember cuddling up to Niall in her sleep a few nights ago. It didn’t help that the boy had snuck out of bed before she woke. Everyone, including Niall, was still trying to give her space…space clearly not required by Liam. But how could he really be mad? He knew it was her brother, her family, but it still struck his jealous nerve. 

“Wow.” Liam laughed out while wrapping his arms tightly around his baby sister. He couldn’t help but burry his nose into her hair and breathe in the sweet scent of lavender. Their moment of embrace was awkwardly lengthy for everyone else to watch but eventually Ryder slid back and released Liam from her grasp. “You really didn’t have to do this.” 

“Course we did, mate!” Denver moved forward next, giving Liam a hearty pat on the shoulder. “Now, let’s eat! I’m famished! Had a late night, ya know?” He gave his boss a quick wink in passing. 

“Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.” Bauer was up next, flashing a smile and following the olive skinned man into the kitchen. “Oi! Don’t eat all the sausages!” 

Every one slowly started to filter out of the entrance as the commotion began to dye down. “Glad to see you’re still here, blondie.” Liam spoke to Niall as a half smirk played on his lips. Niall swayed awkwardly from across the room, still unsure as to how Liam would react to him being around. He assumed the leader of the SevenSins didn’t have high hopes for the boy sticking close to the gang, especially after everything he had witnessed the past few months. 

“Glad to see you up and about.” Niall spoke timidly, pushing his hands into his pockets. 

“Come on then, let’s get some breakfast. I’m sure you’re dying for some home cooked food and no more of that hospital garbage!” Ryder bounced through the room, pulling Liam into the kitchen excitedly. It was yet another strange thing for Niall to witness. In the two years the pair had been together, Ryder never once mentioned her family and yet here she was clinging to a brother that never used to exist.

Another pain of bitterness grew. 

 

The kitchen was a hustle and bustle; people talking over each other, food disappearing in the blink of an eye. No matter how much Ryder had planned, the food provided would never be enough to satisfy the hungry wolves. Juice was being spilled and a second kettle of Yorkshire was being made. The men shared stories and the women laughed. Schmidty got syrup on his glasses and Bauer stole sausages from Denver. It almost seemed…

Normal.

Niall sat sandwiched between Ryder and Hattie. One glowing of sunshine while the other dripped of despair. It made for a very uncomfortable Niall in an already tight situation. The secrets each couple kept remained just that…secret from the rest of the world. But Niall couldn’t help but feel the distance growing between Hattie and him; ever since Ryder had come home their friendship had dwindled. Of course the boy wanted nothing more than for Ryder to be safe under his watchful eye, to be happy again, but he didn’t realize it would be at the expense of one of his closest friends. 

“We better get down to business then.” Killian spoke what was on everyone’s mind once Addison started gathering the dishes. Their effortless, conventional breakfast had come to an end. 

“Absolutely not.” Addison quickly budded in, “No business yet. The doctors said he needs to rest and slowly get back to normal.” 

“This…is…normal?” Killian spoke cautiously yet with the full intent of resuming his position under Liam’s lead today. 

“No business. It can wait a few more days.” 

“I’m afraid some of it can’t wait…” 

“There is nothing important enough that it cannot wait.” The room got suddenly quiet and out of the corner of his eye, Niall could see Ryder’s head lower. She looked timidly into her lap as her long bangs covered her eyes. Everyone tried not to look at her but you could tell they all wanted too. The elephant in the room was going to be addressed now that Liam was back. 

Liam rose slowly from his chair, moving towards Addison with a calm expression. “It’s ok.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the temple. 

“I just don’t want you to rush back into things.” She whispered as everyone made themselves scarce. “You can’t just give it a few days?” Her bottom lip stuck out slightly as she tried to con Liam into waiting. 

“I’ve given it a few months.” 

“Because you were shot!” Her voice rose in a mix of anger and annoyance now that they were the only two left in the room. “You almost died because of this job!” 

“Seriously, Addison?” The boy’s bushy eyebrows scrunched together. “You’ve known the danger. You’ve experienced it firsthand! You knew what you were getting into.” He took a step back, getting a full view of the small woman before him. 

“I didn’t think I would have to sit by your hospital bed for two months and pray that you would wake up! I didn’t think I would have to entertain the thought of actually losing you.” The dark haired woman’s face was burning red. 

“Addison….” Liam took a deep breathe, not wanting to fight. “I am so sorry for what happened and for what you had to go through. It really wasn’t that great for me either but it was what had to be done….and sometimes you have to risk it.” 

“But when have you risked it enough?! When do you finally get to be done?” 

“It’s not that simple-“ 

“Isn’t it though?” Addison set a plate down a little too hard on the counter, “People died, Liam. Ryder almost died. You almost died. How many more names do I get to add to the list?” 

Liam didn’t have an answer for her. 

“I can’t handle anymore funerals, Liam.” Addison’s voice lowered to a soft whisper, water welling on the rims of her dark eyes. “I can’t just sit by and watch you all do this anymore.” 

“Babe, I can’t-you know we can’t just stop. What do you think would happen to this country if we ceased to exist?” 

“But why does it all fall on you?” The tired and weak boy tried to move forward but the brunette only took a step back, lengthening the space between them. “Why are you the one that has to protect everyone?” 

“You know why.” Liam instantly became defensive, his tone rising. “The role has fallen onto my family for decades and I am not going to be the one let it fall.” Addison’s chest was rising and falling at a rapid rate, her shoulder length hair falling out of its ponytail and into her face. “This is my responsibility and I vowed a long time ago to continue this business; to continue to protect this country and those in it.” 

“So what happens when you die?” The woman spit out in spite, “Who protects it then?” 

“There is an order in place.” Liam deadpanned. 

“Really?!” Her hands were thrown upwards in annoyance. “So it falls on Ryder? Have you seen her lately?! And then who…Killian? He’s been killing himself already, trying to fill your shoes! And who’s after him? Bauer? Schmidty? Hattie? Tex? Denver? You’re just going to let it go down the line until everyone is dead….and then what!? It falls onto our child?” The woman’s eyes went wide with malice, “And the whole story just repeats itself? That’s what you want?”

Liam was now fuming with anger, his nostrils flaring as he tried to hold back. “Where is this coming from? You knew! The day I met you, you knew what you were getting into!” 

“And I‘ve been trying so hard to be ok with it! For years I’ve lied awake at night, while you and the boys were out on assignment, trying to convince myself that this was ok…that this was normal! That you practically being the Queen’s blood hounds, going around murdering people, was ok! It’s not, Liam! I’m not ok with this!” 

The pair looked at each other silently. Liam’s heart pumping overtime as adrenaline, rage and disbelief coursed through him. This was the last thing he had expected to hear…especially from Addison. The man took a deep breathe through his nose, swallowing hard. “No one is making you stay.” The leader of the SevenSins gave the girl one last look, his eyes melting from anger to sadness, before he finally left the room, leaving the girl to cry by herself. 

 

The downtown Penthouse had become frighteningly quiet over the next few hours. The SevenSin members had all but locked themselves in the office; discussing business and filling Liam in on everything Killian had been trying to maintain. Hours upon hours they discussed and formulated plans; how they were going to return to business as normal. It was daunting and tiresome and no matter how hard he tried, Liam couldn’t quite focus. 

“You’re going to freeze to death out here.” Niall stepped through the balcony door, his boots crushing into the melty snow. The sky was gloomy and quiet. The overall day seemed to hold a woeful spirit now, even after a happier morning. There was just an ominous feeling swirling through the chilly air that no one could shake. “I brought you a jacket.” He tossed the coat over to the girl leaning against the railing. 

“Cheers.” She slipped it on quietly and resumed her position; elbows resting on the rail, fingers fidgeting. The blonde slid up next to her, leaving enough space for comfort between them. There was a stubborn silence, neither choosing nor knowing what to say, so instead they stood staring out over London. There was so much unspoken tension, unspoken feelings driving their silence. Their once uncomplicated exists was no more. 

“Taking a break from business?” Niall slowly slid into a superficial conversation. 

“Just needed some fresh air.” Hattie reached up and tucked a loose piece of red hair behind her ear and again their conversation lulled, if you could even call it a conversation. It was practically one sided, as Hattie gave off vibes of isolation. 

“So…um-“ 

“Just stop, Niall.” The boy turned to her, brows scrunched in confusion at her hostility. 

“Wha-“ 

“We don’t have to do this.” Hattie turned her head towards him, her void grey eyes meeting his. “This whole, let’s be friend’s thing. We’re not friends.” 

Niall was taken-aback by her bluntness. “What do you mean? I-I consider you a friend.” 

“Don’t kid yourself. I was just someone to talk too while Ryder was gone.” 

“I-I never…” Niall was quick to defend himself but would never admit that she had a point. Hattie and his relationship began at a low point in Niall’s life and she just happened to be around, someone to talk too, but that did not mean he didn’t grow fond of her company over time. 

“She looked happy this morning.” Hattie cut in, quickly changing the subject while moving back to look over the skyline. “She’s come a long way.” 

“Ye-Yeah. She’s still got a long way to go.” 

“You must be happy though, to have her back.” 

“Of course I am...all I wanted was for her to be safe and alive….even if that meant not being with her.” 

“What are you talking about? Obviously you are still with her.” 

“Just because I’m here physically with her it doesn’t-it doesn’t mean I’m with her.” Niall’s voice was nothing more than a whisper but it still caught Hattie’s ear. 

“You…you don’t want to be here anymore?” 

After a second of silence, the boy finally answered. “I don’t know what I want.” 

“That’s unfortunate.” There was a hint of sympathy in Hattie’s voice but it was overshadowed by coldness. 

Niall let out a low breathe that he could see against the chilled air. “What-what happened with us?” 

“We had sex…and then your girlfriend came home.” The redhead spoke in an icy tone that rivaled the weather. 

“Fuck.” A growl escaped Niall’s chest, hands coming up to rub his eyes. “How do I fix this?” 

“You should probably start with talking to her.” 

“No, how do I fix this?” He motioned to the space between them, “How do I fix us?” 

“Niall, there is no us.” 

“But there could be!” Niall’s baby blues were wide with anticipation, “Maybe not in a romantic way but we can be friends….I really want to be friends Hattie.” 

“I don’t have time for friends.” 

“You’ve always had time for me. When I was beating myself up about what to do about Ryder…when I was thrown into this fucked up SevenSins world with no idea what was happening, you were there for me! And I can tell that something is not right with you right now…” Hattie turned towards him in a curious surprise, “I want to be there for you.” 

“I don’t- “

“Why do you keep fighting me?” Niall was beginning to get frustrated. “Why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m not going anywhere?” 

“Because eventually you will!” Hattie lost control of both her emotions and voice. “Whether you think so or not, you will leave! No one willingly sticks around here!” Niall took a step back, never having seen the woman so riled up before. “This isn’t for the faint of heart, Niall. I’m not for the faint of heart.” 

“I don’t care!” 

“You don’t know anything about me! The few conversations we have had have been about you and Ryder! You don’t know the first thing about what I’ve been through.” 

“Then tell me!” 

“I CAN’T!” Hattie screamed in Niall’s face before storming off into the house. The boy was stunned, frozen in his spot as if the ice had crept up and solidified around the soles of his boots. 

 

The day had long been over by the time the meeting had come to an end and everyone was looking worse for wear. They all exited the office, one by one, each with their own expression of exhaustion; moving towards their respective rooms like zombies. They were soundless and unresponsive, leaving no clues as to what was discussed behind closed doors. 

Liam was beyond ready to sleep in his own bed, practically falling into his room. He slowly striped down to his boxers and headed into the bathroom. The mirror showed the obvious: his thinning fame, the dark circles under his weary eyes, and the large white bandage covering the left side of his chest. It began under his shoulder and ran all the down to the bottom of his ribs; a visible reminder of his sacrifice. With shaky hands, he gently began to remove the bandage, leaving a large scar and bruising in its place. 

“Do you want some help?” Liam turned to see Addison leaning against the bathroom door frame, arms crossed against her stomach. Her eyes were still puffy and red, cheeks blotchy. Liam gave his answer with a single look and the girl pushed off the wall and moved forward. She grabbed a new bandage and some antiseptic off the counter. Liam couldn’t keep his eyes off of her as she gently ran a cotton ball along his chest, her soft fingers bringing a welcomed warmth. His lips graced the top of her head, giving her a small kiss as she worked. 

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. Addison gave him a knowing half smile, while putting on a fresh bandage. 

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” 

“You had every right to.” 

“That doesn’t mean I should have.” Addie put the antiseptic back, leaning her butt against the counter. Her hands instinctively reached out to Liam’s chest, running down his skin slowly until she hit the waistband of his boxers. “I’m sorry.” 

Liam couldn’t fight his instinct and leaned in, his forehead meeting Addison’s and his hands wrapping around the small of her back. Before they had a chance for their lips to connect, a loud buzzing echoed through the house. The man’s head snapped up in alarm. “Who could that be?” Addison questioned before the two moved quickly towards the elevator doors. 

“Who is it?” Liam asked rapidly as everyone else came into view. The entire SevenSins household was standing in the living room, much like this morning but the feeling was no longer of happiness. 

“It’s Big.” Bauer answered in a confused tone while looking through the entrance security camera screen. 

“Buzz him in.” Liam moved to the front of the pack, both Schmidty and Killian sliding up next to him and everyone else falling in line behind; leaving Addison, Niall and Ryder in the back. “We weren’t expecting him were we?” 

“No.” Bauer joined the rest of the group, moving to stand next to Killian as they waited. The elevator seemed to take forever to reach the top floor, tension building in the room. The SevenSins never did well with unexpected guests. 

The elevator doors eventually opened to reveal an overweight, balding man with a smoking cigar in hand. He was flanked by two younger looking men of ordinary features. “Looks like the gangs all here.” His deep, slick voice sent chills down Addison’s back. 

“We weren’t expecting you.” Liam held his ground, firm in front of his friends, his family. 

“I’m not staying.” White wispy smoke slithered through Big’s chapped lips. “Just making a delivery.” Liam exchanged a confused glance with his right hand man, Killian but before anyone could ask any more questions, Big took a step out of the elevator and moved to the side.

In an instant, rage boiled in Liam’s gut and his fists balled.

Wobbling in the middle of the elevator, bloody and bruised, stood none other than Harry Styles.


	9. Chapter 9

“Down to earth, keep ‘em falling when I know it hurts. Faster than a million miles an hour, trying to catch my breath some way somehow. Down to earth, it’s like I’m frozen but the world still turns. Stuck in motion and the wheels keep spinning round, moving in reverse with no way out.”

 

“Niall, take the girls and go to the office.” Liam let out a ferocious growl, “Now.” A tone so menacing it snapped the blonde into motion. He quickly grabbed Ryder’s hand, interlacing their fingers and pulled her out to the side of the group. She seemed to be in a trance, her eyes staying wide and connected with the SevenSins newly delivered present. Niall had to pry her from her spot as she practically tripped over her own two feet. Addison quickly followed, hauling a reluctant Hattie along with her. The four disappeared down the hall and into the office, leaving Liam, Killian, Bauer, Schmidty, Tex and Denver in an irate pack at the door. 

The moment the office doors closed, all hell broke loose…on both sides. 

“What the fuck is this?!” Hattie screeched, her face turning a bright red to match her hair. She paced back and forth along the long table as Niall stood in front of the door, keeping her in the room. “This was not what we had agreed upon!” Addison scrunched her brows while trying to remain calm; a quiet rage building within her. 

“Just calm down, will ya?!” Niall kept his back pressed firmly against the wooden doors, his eyes frantically traveling between Ryder and Hattie. 

“Fucking Big!” Hattie continued, either not having heard Niall or choosing to ignore him. “Of course he would just go and fuck us over! Why would he ever listen to us anyways! I’ve always hated that rat bastard!” 

“Hattie!” This time Addison’s voice boomed over everything. The woman’s sweet disposition had finally cracked, sending her into a downward, anger filled spiral. “Stop talking!” She turned on the red head, giving her a look that silenced everything immediately. “Now is not the time for this.” Addison’s voice was filled with a low impiety, something Hattie had never experienced before. “You need to calm down.” The ravened beauty’s eyes slowly shifted to Ryder and soon everyone was watching her. 

Numbness had overtaken Ryder as she stood stiffly at the head of the table. Her ashen green eyes were fixated on Niall but she wasn’t looking at him, instead looking through him in a daze. Her hands were fidgeting and shaky against her stomach as she pulled at her finger nails. Her usual rosy cheeks were drawn, all the color slowly draining from her. “Ry…” Niall started in with a soft and calming pitch when he noticed the tears forming on the rims of her eyes. The girl had no words, no thoughts, only the feeling of pure terror rushing back into her. 

“I’m going to take everything from you.” Harry whispered with such voracity it sent chills down the woman’s spine. “I’m going to make sure you feel what I felt. Make sure you never feel a scrap of happiness again.” Harry’s eyes wandered the woman’s frame; his hands coming together, large enough to hold both Ryder’s wrists in one. “You’re going to be weak and empty, you won’t even recognize yourself once I’m through.” A sweaty hand played at the crying girl’s hip, his fingers wrapping around the underside and thumb pushing her shirt up. Ryder turned her head, hiding her face between the crook of her elbow and the bed, silent tears still stinging her raw cheeks. “Not so tough now are we?” Harry’s voice dance with amusement, pure joy evident in his devious smile.

“Ryder?” Fat tears began to drop from Ryder’s fear stricken eyes as Niall moved closer towards her and even as he moved, the girls eyes stayed glued to the door where he once stood. 

“This is only step one darlin.” Harry gave her a deadly smirk, his touch leaving her bare skin to reach around to his back pocket. Ryder went rigid beneath him, preparing for the worst, but when his hand came back into view her eyes went wide with fear. With the swift flick of the wrist, a visible silver blade caught the dim light.

Ryder’s hand instinctively went to brush past her left hip. Everything she had fought so hard to forget was now flooding back into her; submerging her back into the darkness that once controlled her. The woman’s heart hurried with adrenaline as her breathing labored; anxiety, panic, terror, an overpowering pain played at her as if the Devil himself were sitting on her shoulder. 

“Ryder?” Niall was now standing in front of his girlfriend, Addison and Hattie flanking him on either side. “Hey.” The boy placed the gentlest of hands along her forearm. In an instant, the girl snapped back into reality. Ryder’s eyes darted towards Niall as a steady stream of tears danced on her cheeks and sobs escaped from her chest. She fell into him in defeat but he was quick to catch her, wrapping his arms tightly around her shaking frame. Ryder cried and cried as he held her, Addie and Hattie watching solemnly. 

“You don’t realize that I win no matter how this plays out.”

It was as if a switch was flipped; a light being turned on and a new door being opened. Ryder pushed away from Niall’s grasp. Her eyes were bloodshot, cheeks puffy, but she possessed a look of pure determination. Her irises were rimmed in black and an air of poison fell from her sweet breath. The woman stood up straighter, taller, drying her tears and smearing her once perfect black mascara along her cheek bones. Niall couldn’t help but take a step backwards, bumping into Hattie and Addison who shared the same startled expression. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Liam’s voice rivaled that of a monster; not the kind you find under your bed but the monsters living in the deepest shadows of your soul, lurking behind your smile and feeding on your fear. His fellow Sins were stiff with fury, preparing for the worst as their shoulders tensed and fists balled. 

“Like I said…” Big motioned to one of his goons and Harry’s weakened body was shoved out of the elevator. He collapsed at the SevenSins feet. “Just making a delivery.” 

“An unscheduled delivery.” Killian spit out, having full knowledge of the deal that was made the last time Big visited. 

“You see,” Delicate, translucent smoke blew out between his yellowing teeth, “Things have changed. There’s a bounty out for this one and I needed to make sure my investments were in order.” Liam glanced to his right hand, curious as if Killian had not told him the whole story. Harry coughed and rolled to his side, trying to rise to his knees but failing as blood dripped from his no doubt broken nose. 

“What bounty?” 

“What is this?” A smirk of sorts appeared on the hefty man’s lips; a smirk that deserved a slap. “The leader of the SevenSins, the supposed most powerful man in all of London, doesn’t know how much this piece of garbage is worth?” None of the Sins had an answer. “What a wonderful surprise.” Liam glanced down to the man at his feet, a quick pain of sympathy rushing through him. “I believe you are not the only ones that Mr. Styles here has wronged.” Big used his heavy foot to push Harry to the side, forcing him to fall onto his back. The scratches and bruises across his chest were visible even in the dim lighting. 

“Spit it out already.” Bauer deadpanned, crossing his arms against his puffed out chest. 

“He’s worth half a mil.” Big’s face twisted into a gluttonous smile, knowing he was only moments away from a massive payout. 

“We didn’t put a bounty out on him.” Killian reassured everyone. 

“Oh, but someone did. This little boy has been going around murdering girls.” Liam tried to hide the shock, keeping his hard, intimidating exterior. “I believe her name was Claire? Well, someone who cares about her just so happens to have a lot of money and the right connections…But I figured it was good moral to offer him up to you first. You can decide what to do with his death sentenced ass. I would make it quick if I were you though, otherwise you’ll have a whole new set of problems to deal with….and you think I’m bad.” 

“Get him up.” Liam barked orders. Bauer and Tex hoisted Harry to his feet, supporting his weight entirely. “Take him to the gym.” The pair pulled Harry out of the room, his feet dragging helplessly beneath him. 

“I expect payment in full upon our second delivery.” Big snaked his way back into the elevator, his two men following him with blank expressions. The doors slowly closed just as the man took another large hit of his constantly burning cigar, traces of the smoke slipping between the doors before they closed completely. 

Liam took a deep breathe, already feeling the air lighten at Big’s disappearance. “How did we miss this?” He shifted on his heels to face a just as surprised Killian. 

“I have no idea. No one had been talking. This must have just happened.” 

“How is it Big was able to get his hands on Styles before we were?” Killian swallowed hard, knowing he would be in trouble for this even though there was nothing he could have done differently. 

Denver cleared his throat behind Schmidty, “Did he say second delivery?” All eyes turned on him. 

“I want to see him.” Ryder came stampeding into the room, Niall and the girls following closely at her heels as if they had tried to stop her. “Let me see him.” 

“Absolutely not.” The order was clear but it did not phase the girl. 

“I’m not asking, Liam.” The woman’s voice was gritty and demanding. The power had shifted and Ryder was in control. Liam held his ground though, his eyes never leaving hers. He saw a new darkness about his sister; the light she once carried with such fluidity was now clouded and fading. The girl Ryder had tried so hard to escape from was now standing in front of him. The leader their father knew she was destined to be, broken crown and all. 

“And I’m not letting you anywhere near him, Ryder.” Liam fought back, unwavering in his stance. 

“You can’t stop me.” 

“You bet your ass I can.” A glance was exchanged between Liam and Schmidty. 

“Do NOT lay a hand on me.” Ryder snarled when she saw Schmidty move closer towards her. “I’m warning you, Schmidt.” The tall, lanky man gave her a sorrowful glance before he rushed forward. Ryder was all too prepared for him though, scrambling out of his reach, but she was not fast enough to escape Niall behind her. The blonde grabbed both her arms, holding them behind her back as she kicked and writhed. “Let go of me!” Schmidty quickly recovered, grabbing Ryder by the waist and hoisting her over his shoulder. The girl kicked her feet, fists banging against the man’s back. “PUT ME DOWN!” 

“No can do, sweetheart.” Schmidty held firm even as she struggled against him. He moved towards her bedroom, everyone following. “This is for your own good.” Schmidty practically threw her onto the bed, ducking out of the room and closing the door before she had time to recover. 

“LET ME OUT!” Ryder raced towards the door but it was slammed shut in her face, instantly locked from the outside. “LIAM!” Her fists banged against the door, over and over again as if she were trapped in a room filling with water. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS” Liam and Niall stood on the opposite side of the door. Their hearts breaking as they listened to Ryder scream, blood chilling screams. The girl was furious and out of control. Liam knew he needed to keep her from doing something she would later regret. He was only trying to protect his sister from the situation that would forever change her fate. 

 

It took an hour for Ryder to finally tire herself out. 

For the banging to stop. 

For the screaming and pleading to end.

The SevenSins household was forced to listen to her as she yelled and cried and cursed death upon all of them. It was a painful, depressing hour…especially for Liam and Niall. “What’s the plan?” Niall finally questioned as the house became quiet again. Liam, Addison, Schmidty, Killian, Hattie and Niall were holed up in the living room while Bauer, Denver and Tex were keeping Harry company in the gym. “We can’t keep her in there forever.” 

“Like hell I can’t.” 

“Liam.” Addison gave him a soft warning, placing her palm against his bicep. 

The man turned to his girl, their matching chocolate eyes meeting. “I’ve never seen her like this before.” 

“Me either. I’ve never once seen her this angry.” Niall chimed in. There was an overall grave feeling in the room. The Sins had what they had been looking for but now they didn’t know what to do with it. They had all imagined what this day would be like, what each of them would do when given the opportunity to be in the same room as Harry Styles. None of them imagined what Ryder would do though. 

“She has every right to be angry.” Hattie spoke with less emotion than the rest. “I want to kill him and I didn’t even go through what she did. She should want to kill him more than anyone here…including you, Liam.” 

“I can’t let her do it.” Niall stood up, “We can’t let her kill him. She will never recover and I can’t let that happen.” 

“Go talk to her.” Addison quietly gave Niall the permission Liam would never voice. The blonde took his cue, slowly making his way towards Ryder’s room before the boss could say otherwise. With two slow, soft knocks Niall unlocked the door and made his way through. The lights were out but the curtains were open, allowing a shadowy light to seep though. Ryder was sitting on the floor, her back pressed against the foot of her bed. Her knees were pulled up into her chest and her head buried in her lap, murky locks falling to her sides. She sluggishly looked upwards with the most devious of glares. 

“And that boyfriend of yours? You can say goodbye to him.” Harry came closer and closer until he was towering over her, their knees bumping into each other. “Because, let’s be honest here…” He let out wicked laugh, “who’s going to want to stay with someone so damaged?”

“I brought you some tea…” Niall closed the door softly behind him, moving to stand in the middle of the room awkwardly. He wasn’t sure if Ryder would make a move against him or if she had calmed down enough for him to reason with her. One thing was for sure, he had never been this scared of her in his life. “I’m-I’m sorry we had to lock you in here.” 

Ryder pushed her legs outwards, sitting up straighter and never breaking eye contact. “You had no right to do this.” Her tone was a monotonous nightmare. “None.” 

“You’re right, we didn’t.” Niall set the tea down on the desk. He cautiously moved closer to the girl, sitting crossed legged on the floor in front of her. “I’m sorry.” 

“Just let me out of here…I can’t be locked in this room anymore.” Her voice shifted and Niall could see the hurt in his eyes. Of course she freaked out when they locked her in here, and not just because she wanted to see Harry. The poor girl spent months locked in a room, completely isolated from everyone. Niall couldn’t help but feel the pain of guilt in his stomach. It was enough of a shock for her kidnapper to appear at her door…and then for her own brother to lock her away like some prisoner. 

“I will let you out, I promise, but I have to know what you plan on doing.” Niall tried to find her motivation, the reason for her sudden shift. “You scared the shit out of me back there, Ry.” The boy let his shoulders relax, “I’ve never seen you like that…and I don’t want to ever see you like that again. That was fucking scary!” 

“I’m sorry.” Ryder seemed to have relaxed slightly, “I-I don’t know what happened.” When in reality the woman knew exactly what had happened. The girl she fought against for years was now out to play. 

“You just have to promise me you will never do something like that again. I know you’ve been through so much and I know it’s going to take a long time for you to be ok again- “

“I’m sick of being the victim.” 

“You don’t have to be the victim anymore!” Niall tried to move closer to her, somewhat trapping her against the bed. “You’ve been so strong but you cannot let that side take over.” 

“I can’t promise you that, Niall.” 

“Why not? Why can’t you let your brother, the Sins, deal with this? We can go back to our flat and start getting back to normal.” Niall was now pleading with the girl, “You don’t have to stay here.” 

“You really think everything can just go back to normal?” There was a slight bark back in her voice. “I don’t even know what normal is anymore! My life has never been normal, Niall! Do you even realize what kind of company you’ve been keeping lately? They’re a pack of murderers! They threaten people’s families and sell guns and drugs! They’re so corrupt it’s laughable! This is the furthest thing from normal.” 

“Life was normal when you were with me.” Niall spoke sheepishly, knowing everything she had said was the complete truth. Ryder had never experienced normalcy before she had met Niall and even then, she only got two years before the darkness sucked her back in unwillingly. “Life was good when we were together.” 

“So good that you had to sleep with someone else?” The nastiness was now fully present in the room. Ryder’s expression turning sour and hatful as Niall took in a piercing breathe. 

“Wh-what are you talking about?” 

“You know, when Liam moved the business into this building he thought it would be the perfect change; a fresh start in new surroundings.” Ryder’s eyes glanced around the room before landing back on the boy before her. “He thought he would be able to separate business from pleasure but I guess he didn’t realize how paper thin the walls were.” 

“Ryder…I-I-“

“You don’t have to say anything, Ni.” 

“Just let me-“ 

“Explain?” She finished his sentence for him. “I’m sure it’s a great story, probably a very reasonable excuse that will end in you begging for my forgiveness and promising it will never happen again, right?” Niall was at a complete loss for words as Ryder got to her feet. “I don’t want to hear it.” The woman moved towards the door. 

“Ryder!” Niall was quickly on his feet, stopping her. The two shared a quick moment silence, their eyes locking as the boy pleaded for her to stay. “You don’t have to get your revenge.” 

“On the contrary, my sweet Niall, revenge is all consuming.”


	10. Chapter 10

You don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware I'm tearing you asunder. Oh, there is thunder in our hearts.

 

Dried blood. 

Bruises. 

Exhaustion. 

Harry had never imagined what it would be like to be a prisoner. To be a hostage, a pawn in someone else’s game. The boy had been playing his own game for years and now his pieces were no longer in check. The wild wolf had been caught, tied to chains and left to rot. 

The pain didn’t bother him. It was a familiar sting that reminded the man he was human. It was dried blood and bruises that reminded him he was alive. Harry and pain had become acquainted long ago; old friends zig zagging along the winding road and crossing paths more often than not. The twinge in his side was slowly becoming a dull ache due to his broken ribs. His crooked nose had finally stopped bleeding, leaving a trail of caked red down his chin. The pain will eventually fade but his mistakes would forever live on. 

There was no need to fight anymore. Maybe it was time for Harry to finally give in to the fate he had long been running from. A person could only outrun death for so long. Ultimately, their feet would become sore, their chest tight and the air finally squeezed out of their lungs as they met the end with a crooked smile. Maybe death had finally greeted Harry in the form of a childhood love. Her raven hair acting as a cloak, hiding her resentful orbs and tricky smile. Maybe it was time for Harry to succumb to the long awaited revenge. The monster he had created was hungry. 

“He looks like death.” A disgusted voice traveled through Harry’s ears causing his eyes to squint open slightly. The man’s back was pressed against a cold wall, his limbs sprawled out in every direction. There was a group of bodies before him, standing in a long line. “Maybe we should put him out of his misery.” 

“Not yet, Denver.” 

“Were not letting him go that easy. Boy deserves a taste of his own medicine.” 

“I hate playing babysitter. At least let me get some practice swings on him.” Denver was growing restless as the hours passed. He had been assigned to Harry duty, along with Bauer and Tex, for the night and the man had never been one for sitting still. 

“No one touches him.” Bauer on the other hand, had yet to move from his spot, eyes trained on the kid before him. The burly man wore a permanent scowl that made Harry uncomfortable. It reminded him of the glare Zayn use to shoot when he didn’t get his way. The SevenSins member was the bear fresh out of hibernation; hungry for a bloody kill, protective of his lair. 

“You might as well just save everyone the hassle and get it over with.” Harry’s voice was scratchy and groggy but still brought a smile to the youngest Sins member. 

“I like the way he thinks!” The olive skinned man moved forward but a firm hand smacked him right in the chest. 

“No one touches him.” Bauer repeated in his thick accent. 

“How much longer are we going to have to wait?” Denver whined. 

“Until we hear otherwise.” 

 

&&&&

 

“Ryder! Ryder wait!” The elevator doors had shut just before Niall was able to reach the girl, his fist banging loudly against the metal. “Fuck!” 

“What the hell?” Liam came rushing out of the kitchen, the rest of the gang following. They all shared the same baffled expression. “You just let her leave?” 

“I couldn’t stop her!” Niall was fidgety. He was furious with himself, hands running through his disheveled locks. “She knows!” His frantic eyes were quick to find Hattie’s, “She knows everything!” 

“What are you going on about?” Schmidty’s jaw hung slack, his brows meeting in the middle.

“Where are the-“ Niall was panicking, “Where are the stairs in this god forsaken fire hazard of a place!?” 

Schmidty pointed to the door on the fall side of the living room, hidden behind the luxurious grand piano. “Over th-What are you talking about?” 

Niall didn’t have time to answer before he was jumping over the sofa and slamming into the door. His feet carried him down the stairs so quickly it was almost as if he were floating, skipping two or three at a time. It was an endless flight of stairs, one row after another, but eventually the cold air of the outside hit Niall like a brick wall. He pushed through the bottom stairs, practically falling out into the parking garage. “RYDER?” The boy’s voice echoed through the empty underground lot. “RYDER?” 

“Where is she?” Hattie was the first to come barreling out of the stairwell, her fiery locks flying everywhere. 

“She’s not here.” Niall was spinning in all directions, searching. He couldn’t begin to describe the pain in his chest and yet it was an all too familiar pain, something he had felt months ago when Ryder first disappeared. “She’s not-she’s…” The boy’s chest was rigid, his lungs struggling to move air. “Fuck!” For the second time, Niall’s life was falling to pieces before his very eyes. 

“You need to calm down.” Hattie reached out for him, “Niall, just breathe. We’ll find her.” 

“No! I-I-“ The boy bent over, his palms gripping against his knees. 

“Niall, I think you’ve having a panic attack.” Hattie was trying her best to remain calm while Niall gave in to his horror. “Try and take some deep breathes.” She pulled at the boy, forcing him to stop pacing along the pavement. “Look at me. Niall, look at me.” Two soft palms were placed along the boys burning cheeks. “Come on.” Hattie had never seen eyes so full of horror before. She had looked death in the eye many times and yet Niall’s expression rocked her to the core. “Just breathe with me.” The pair mimicked each other, the boy eventually starting to calm. “We will find her.” 

“How do you-how do you know?” 

“Because as much as I fight it…I do know a thing or two about Ryder.” Niall's eyes seemed to light up slightly, hopeful that Hattie had a plan. 

“I-I thought you were mad at me.” Hattie finally removed her hands, separating the two completely. 

“I can’t be mad if you’ve hyperventilated to death.” 

 

&&&&

 

The wind whipped through Ryder’s deep colored locks. It chilled through her thin layer of clothing and thrashed against her bones. It stung her damp cheeks and would no doubt leave her ill. The snow crunched under her running feet, the only sound apart from her sobs. The girl had to get out of that house. She needed to escape the ever looming stuffiness that thickened the air. She had no choice but to run; to run away from the only people she thought she could trust. The same people that deceived and betrayed her over and over again. 

Liam, her own flesh and blood, locking her away like some rabid animal. Her brother choosing to seclude her from the business the moment she had succumbed to its pull. The man who begged for her return only to go against her. 

Niall, the boy who showed her love and a life of freedom, choosing another woman out of ease of access; a woman readily available and willing. The man who had become her light, her hope in the darkest of times was no longer the man she longed for. 

The family that swore to always protect her now standing against her instead of beside. 

Harry, the biggest betrayal of all. 

As she did many years ago, Ryder found herself knocking furiously against black door with the number thirteen painted in gold at the top. She knocked until her knuckles hurt and then used her palm to bang against the door. It flung open after a few moments and Ryder collapsed into the arms of the only person she had left. She let the tears fall freely, the sobs resonating in her chests, her fingers grasping for something solid to hold.

“It’s ok. Shhhh.” Bexley cooed, “Shhhh. You’re ok. Come on.” The brunette pulled her best friend further into the house, guiding her over towards the couch. “Tell me what happened.” 

“Everything” Ryder cried, her words almost inaudible. “Niall….Li-Liam…Harry.” She bawled harder.

“Harry?” Bex couldn’t hide her shocked expression. “You saw Harry?” 

“Yessss! Liam has him!” 

“What is he…What is Liam going to do?” 

“I don’t know.” Ryder sniffled as she tried to calm herself. “I don’t know anything anymore.” 

“What else happened?” Bexley moved closer, shifting in her seat to place a comforting hand on her best friend’s knee. “Tell me everything.” 

And so Ryder did. She expelled all her secrets and all her fears to the one person she had left. She explained her estranged relationship with her brother and the life she ran from.

She spilled the intimate details of her and Niall’s life together and the explosive secret he tried to keep. Ryder broke down at the memories that came pouring out; both the nightmares and the good times Harry and her shared. She shared with Bexley everything that had happened to her in the months she was the Howlers hostage…

When they tortured her.   
When they deprived her of food.   
When Harry took a knife to her skin.   
When she almost died.

It was too much for any one person to handle. 

“What do I do now?” The tears had all but dried, only a few stragglers making their way down her skin. “Please tell me what I’m supposed to do Bex.” 

“You know I can’t give you an answer.” The girl pulled her glasses off, cleaning them with the hem of her shirt. 

“I’m not some love stricken teenager seeking advice here, Bex. Did you miss everything I just said? How am I supposed to know what to do?” 

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” 

“Don’t quote Shakespeare on me right now.” Ryder let her head fall back as she exhaled loudly. She was completely and utterly void of all energy. 

“Ryder…” Bexley paused slightly, choosing her words. “You’ve known who you wanted to be from the day you were born. You fought your whole life to be yourself. There is so much fight in you and I know you will not give up that easily.”

“I’m sick of fighting.” 

“Are you going to keep fighting who you really are?” This caught Ryder’s attention. “Are you ready to see what you could be? It’s time to take control of your life again.” 

 

“I don’t know if I-“ Yet another knock at the door stopped Ryder mid-sentence. 

“Does anyone know you’re here?” Bex stood and moved towards the door after Ryder shook her head no. Ryder watched the girls shoulders relax as she looked through the peep hole. 

“Hattie.” 

“Good to see you Bex. Is she here?” The fiery girl walked into the flat like she owned the place. A look of pure determination. “Ahh, there you are. It’s time to go.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You need to come with me.” 

“Why should I go anywhere with you?” Ryder bit out and it was clear to everyone how she felt about the current situation. 

“Can’t you just trust me?” Hattie popped her hip, looking somewhat bored with the conversation. 

“Are you fucking serious right now?” 

“Look, I fucked up…but how is that news to anyone? I shouldn’t have slept with Niall, it was a mistake, but trust me when I say he couldn’t be more in love with you. It was just sex between us, nothing more.” 

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” 

“When you went missing, Niall came after you. When you were gone, Niall thought of nothing but you. When you came back, he did everything he could to fix you. I can’t believe your even questioning him.” 

“I have every right to-“ 

“No.” Hattie was quick to interject, “No you don’t. This kid willingly stuck around with us just to get you back. You, of all people, know how dangerous the SevenSins are and yet he still stayed. He’s back there right now worrying sick about you! All he ever wanted was what’s best for you. So you have no right to question his love for you…even after some trivial mistake that meant nothing. Now, will you come with me?” 

“Back to that house? Where Niall is waiting so nervously? Where Liam is probably going to lock me away again the moment I step through the door? Absolutely not.” 

“God. When are you going to stop being so selfish?” Hattie couldn’t help but roll her eyes. 

“Selfish!?” Ryder jumped to her feet, anger boiling within her. “Hattie, I was kidnapped! I was held hostage for months by someone I once considered a friend! I was beaten and raped repeatedly!” 

“And you’re going to let those few months define the rest of your life?” Ryder took a step back while Bexley watched with wide eyes. “Grow up Ryder. You’re stronger than this…better than the scars Harry fucking Styles left on you. Where is the girl who DEMANDED something last night? The girl who knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to let anyone stand in her way? That’s the Ryder I know and that’s the Ryder I need right now. Get your shit together and let's go.” After an intense standoff that seemed to last minutes, Ryder reluctantly grabbed her jacket and stormed out the door.

“Hattie.” Bexley placed a soft hand on the girls arm, a worrisome expression painted on her face. 

“I know…” Hattie sighed, “I know.”


	11. Chapter 11

“This is the end, hold your breath and count to ten. Feel the earth move and then hear my heart burst again for this is the end. I’ve drowned and dreamt this moment, so overdue I owe them, swept away, I’m stolen. Let the sky fall. When it crumbles we will stand tall. Face it all together.”

 

The gym was quiet and filled with a rough tension. The walls were an icy cold against Harry’s back but provided a soothing chill to his sore muscles. His head hung low, too weak to be upright anymore but his eyes looked through chaotic curls to see the leader of the SevenSins, the king of London, leaning against the wall across the room. Liam’s firm stance combined with crossed arms were not a promising sight. The two kept their stares as if the world had stopped around them. 

It had only been a few hours since the Sins had acquired Harry and yet they still had no idea what to do with him. The majority of the group wanted to kill him and end their troubles right then and there but Liam was unsure. He fought the urge to walk across the room and snap the Howler’s neck. He fought the urge to pull a knife and slit his throat. He fought the urge to untie him. All because of Ryder. No matter what Liam decided to do, Ryder would never be the same again. If he let Harry go, she would always be watching her back, worried and scared that he would find her again. If he killed Harry, she would always wonder what could have happened; could she have saved him? Was the boy she grew up with still in there but now never given the chance to come back? 

Liam went back and forth and back and forth with no resolution. 

Harry, on the other hand, had no expectation of walking out of here alive. The man knew the trouble he caused; mentally and physically torturing one of their own members, there was no way the Sins would go easy on him. He half expected to already be dead at this point. Harry figured the moment Liam got his hands on him, he would be taking his last breath…and for fair reasons. He had been biding his time for weeks now. The twenty-something had come to terms with meeting his death, with being reunited with his parents at long last. He only hoped that Quinn would be ok on her own. She seemed to make it pretty clear she didn’t want her big brother around anyways. “You gonna just let me rot to death?” 

“I’m definitely considering it.” Liam said forcefully, a tone with such hatred. 

“Do what you want, I’m not going to fight.” 

“You’ve given up already? That quickly?” The SevenSins leader couldn’t hide his surprise. 

“It’s been a long time coming…and I can’t say I blame you for wanting to kill me.” 

“You kidnaped my sister.” Liam’s fists clenched, jaw tight. “You tortured her. You broke her.” The man couldn’t help the waver in his voice. “Ryder almost died. She’s never going to be the same.” 

“You’re right, I did.” Harry used what strength he had left to look up, eyes never breaking contact with the Sin. “And you’re right, she’ll never be the same.” Harry paused, his head tilting to the side with a wicked smirk, “But then again, I wasn’t the first one to break her. You did that all on your own.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Three years ago, when you put seven bullets in my father and then turned the gun on me.” Liam took in a sharp breath and pushed his shoulders back, a scowl spreading across his face. “Admit it, she was never the same after that night and I…well I had nothing to do with it.” 

“What you did was far worse.” The SevenSins leader spit out. 

“Maybe. But at least what I did served a purpose. You were just following orders like a good little puppy.” Liam pushed forward off the wall, lunging towards his prisoner. Harry didn’t even flinch, calmly prepared for what was to come with a twisted smile. The tall brunette was halfway across the room when Tex came barreling through the door, concern radiating from him.

“Boss. You gotta come see this!” 

“What is it?” Liam turned to look over his shoulder. 

“Big just made his second delivery and you’re really going to want to see this.”

Tex was right. Liam stopped in his tracks, as if he were stepping right into a mine field. The SevenSins were positioned in a semi-circle around the living room all sharing very similar expressions. Bauer and Addison parted ways when they heard Liam approaching, moving to the side to give him a full view of their new delivery. Thrown carelessly across the floor were five bodies; hands and feet bound by tight white rope, mouths covered with silver tape. 

Two identical blondes were laying with limbs one on top of the other. Their eyes were filled with fear and panic as they struggled against their restraints. Next to them was a chestnut haired boy who desperately needed a haircut; strands fraying out in every direction. He kept kicking his feet and pushing against the ropes around his wrist, continuing to fight to break free. On the other side of him was a bigger man, close to Bauer’s build with a black eye and sour expression. The fifth body was the only one completely motionless. The man’s eyes were closed and his body lifeless. 

Laying before the SevenSins was all that was left of the Howlers. 

“Fuck.” Liam said under his breathe, getting a closer look and inspecting their new arrivals. 

“What do you want to do with them?” Schmidty spoke from the side of the room. 

The SevenSins leader rubbed his brow as the stress crept up his spine. “Take the men down to the gym, I want Style’s to see them.” 

“And the blondes?” 

“Liam…” Addison flashed a concerned glare in his direction. 

“Take them to the office and untie them. Tex, lock the door and stand guard until I say otherwise.” 

The Sins went to work pulling each member of the Howlers up from the floor, both Bauer and Schmidty yanking Louis’ limp body up in a heap and dragging him across the room. He was starting to come too by the time they made it to the gym door, just in time to see Harry chained to the wall. Louis’ expression instantly turned hostile once he was able to focus on his surroundings. 

The three Howler men were dropped next to a very shocked Harry, the tape ripped forcefully from their mouths which resulted in curse words being spewed. “I’m going to kill you, you know that?” Louis shared his choice words with Harry the instant he was able to speak. “I’m going to fucking kill you.” Novo and Hopper pulled against the restrains, repositioning themselves so they were upright and leaning against the same wall as their fellow Howler. They both shared expressions that rivaled their boss'. 

“How did-“ Harry started. 

“Does it even matter?” Louis had lost control of his temper for obvious reasons. “They’ve got Quinn and Waverly upstairs.” The brunette pulled against his restraints, shifting his wrists back and forth to loosen the tape. 

“They have Quinn?” Harry’s throat went horse and his heart beat in an irregular pattern. “Is she ok?” 

“Are you fucking kidding? She was just kidnapped, tied, gaged and dropped at the doorstep of the SevenSins. I highly doubt she is ok.” 

“Fuck.” Harry sighed, “I didn’t want this to happen.” 

“What did you think was going to happen?” Novo’s voice filled the room. “The Sins don’t just forgive and forget.” 

“We should have never gone along with your idiot plan, Styles.” Hopper spoke up next, “You’re going to get us all killed...just like Zayn.”

 

As Harry was surrounded by hostile Howlers, the SevenSins were fairing no better upstairs. Tex had locked away Quinn and Waverly with the help of Denver. The two blondes fought and squirmed until the olive skinned brunette pulled a knife that instantly stilled them. The two girls shared a glance of panic before Denver moved forward, grabbing Quinn’s wrists and slicing the tape. “Be nice now ladies.” He moved on to cut the silver tape from her feet and then freed Waverly of her restraints while Tex guarded the door. 

“What are you going to do with us?” Waverly asked as she got to her feet, pulling Quinn up with her. “What do you want?” 

“Hang on lass, we ain’t playin twenty questions.” Denver played with the pocket knife, twirling it between his fingers. “Just don’t fight and you’ll be fine.” 

“Ya’ll just stay here and stay quiet.” Tex opened the door just enough for he and Denver to slip out. He pulled it shut, locking the two girls in with each other. 

“All locked away.” Denver joined Liam, Schmidty and Killian in the kitchen. Addison was busy making tea as the four huddled around the table. 

“They were no trouble I take it?” Killian asked. 

“Nah. I wouldn’t worry about them.” 

“So what are we going to do then?” Schmidty readjusted his glasses as Addie placed cups in front of each of them. “It’s you’re call, boss.” 

“Just say the word.” Killian said. “Just give me the word and we’ll take care of it.” The red head was willing to keep Liam out of things, sensing the stress radiating from his oldest friend. Everyone had seemed to forgotten that Liam had just been released from the hospital yesterday. He was still on the road to recovery and Killian didn’t want anything to jeopardize that. 

“No. Not yet.” Liam placed a gentle hand on the small of Addie’s back while she poured his tea. “I need to know who else was after Styles…why was Big in such a hurry to get him to us?

“Who cares?” Killian said, “We have him and that’s all that matters.” 

"I need to know. I need to know that if we kill him no one is going to come looking, no one is going to come at us for it.” 

“He only runs with the Howlers, there is no one else.” 

“It just doesn’t make sense.” Liam pulled the steaming cup up to his lips. “There’s something were missing…” 

“Maybe if we leave them long enough they’ll take care of each other.” Denver almost laughed. 

“You better do something before Ryder comes back.” Niall’s thick accent and solemn tone caught their attention. The boy was standing in the kitchen doorway looking completely wrecked. “Hattie’s gone out to get her.” 

“Well that’s not gonna be a fun car ride.” Denver tried to lighten the already dreadful mood once again. 

“Where have you been?” Addison looked up from pouring her last cup. She walked back towards the counter and grabbed another empty mug and filled it for the boy. 

Niall shrugged, “Around.” 

“You and I need to have a little chat.” Liam started to shew everyone out of the room. “Schmidty figure out who else wanted Styles.” 

“How am I supposed to do that? Big isn’t much for cooperation.” 

“I don’t care, just do it.” A flustered Schmidty followed the rest of the SevenSins out of the room, leaving only Liam and Niall. “Sit.” The blonde cautiously walked forward, pulling out a chair and sitting across from the SevenSins leader. Liam craned his neck, stretching from side to side and rolling his shoulders. The stress was completely evident and obvious. “What’s going on with you and my sister?” 

Niall sat silently, unsure of how to answer. His time spent with Liam had not taught him how to respond. Time and time again, the boy found himself eye to eye with the deadliest of men. Niall had cheated on Liam's one and only baby sister and if that didn’t spell out disaster….Did Niall explain what had happened between Hattie and himself? How he broke Ryder’s heart, how he betrayed the only woman he ever loved? Or did he keep his secrets just that, secret. 

"Answer me.” Liam demanded. 

“No-nothing happened.” The boy stuttered out. 

“Then why did she run out? Why did Hattie have to go find her?” 

“I’m guessing it has something to do with Ha-that guy downstairs.” Niall fidgeted with the hem of his shirt nervously. 

“And what did you mean when you said she knows everything?” Liam leaned forward, “What is there to know?” 

Niall shrugged again, “I-I don’t know.” 

The Sin fell back into his chair with an exasperated huff. His hand instinctively ran through his disheveled hair, a slight wince on his face. “Niall….you have been nothing but loyal to my sister and to the Sins as of recent. Ryder trusts you and I feel I should too.” Niall’s edgy eyes shot up to meet Liam’s. “But in order for that to happen, you need to be honest with me.” 

“I-I really don’t-“ 

“I’m not one for playing games, Niall.” The blonde remained quiet. “What is going to happen when Ryder walks through that door?” 

“She’s going to be angry. Very angry.” 

“At the Howlers? At Harry?” 

“At them, him, Hattie….you….me.” The boy swallowed hard, “Everyone.” 

“I can understand her being angry. Short tempers seem to run in the family.” Liam wrapped his palms around his cup, letting the warmth comfort him. “Did she ever tell you what exactly he did to her?” 

“No. She only started talking a few days ago.” Niall paused carefully, “I didn’t want to bring it up and risk her falling back into that mindset.” 

“I don’t…I don’t know what to do anymore.” Liam was visibly torn and Niall was surprised at his openness. “I don’t know how to help her.” He sighed, “You know her better than anyone these days, Niall.” The man stopped, his miserably brown eyes pleading for an answer. “What do I do?” 

Niall was completely taken aback and could not hide the dumbfounded look from his face. Sure, the boy had spent over two years at Ryder’s side but was he really the right one to be making this decision? Once again, Niall was reminded that he only knew the Ryder she wanted him to know; never knowing of her past, her family, her history with Harry and as of recent, he no longer knew what Ryder was thinking, how she was feeling. The woman’s mood was constantly shifting, changing. Her darkness was forcibly pushing its way outward, like a wolf fighting against the hunger on a full moon. Ryder was inconsistent, ever changing, and Niall no longer knew what she wanted. The blonde exhaled slowly, “I don’t think we can make this decision. I-I think you have to let Ryder make it.” 

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Liam said, shifting in his chair. “Listen,” The boss started again after a few moments of awkward silence, “You know I’ve given you the option to leave, multiple times, I’ve practically told you to go but when this is all over…you can stay if you want.” 

“What?” 

“I can’t make you an official Sin, you’re not of original blood.” Liam explained, “But I can let you into my inner circle.” Niall’s eyes widened, “You’ve shown me what kind of man you are. You stuck around when Ryder was gone and you’ve stayed even now that she’s back. You cannot fake such loyalty.” 

“I don’t-I don’t know what to say.” 

“It’s a big decision, trust me, I know.” Liam let a half smile slip across his pale cheeks. “The decision is yours and if you don’t want this life….I understand. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for what you’ve done for Ryder, for giving her a taste of the life she always wanted.” Niall could feel the lump in his throat growing. “You showed her love and laughter, you showed her normalcy and for that I can never repay you.” 

“I love her.” Niall’s voice shook with emotion, “I loved her before this happened and I will continue to love her after it’s all over. That’s all I have to offer her.” 

“And it is more than enough.” 

 

The car was completely silent, not even the radio playing to fill the void. The two girls were surrounded by an awkward and unforgiving stillness as they drove through the streets muddled with mushy grey snow. Ryder sat with her forehead pressed against the passenger window, the cold being a welcomed feeling. There were so many thoughts and emotions rushing through her, ones she couldn’t control anymore. This was all too entirely overwhelming for the girl and the exact reason she never wanted to be a part of the SevenSins. The woman never wanted these responsibilities, the pressure, the power to end someone’s life with such ease. It was a dangerous game she never wanted to play but one that kept pulling her back no matter how far she strayed. The SevenSins were a burden; a family legacy that she had no choice but to live with. 

Ryder thought she was in the clear but how could she be so foolish? She thought she had finally escaped the pull of her past when she found Niall. They were good together, uncomplicated and carefree. She was able to get two years of pure happiness, the most blissful contentment she had every experienced and she loved every minute of it. She loved every night on the couch with a take away box. She loved every morning crossword puzzle and afternoon walk. She loved every fight and every make up. She found joy in the trivial actions of life and she found excitement in the extraordinary surprises. Ryder experienced everything good there was to have and she owed it all to one boy. She owed her life to Niall; the man who brought sunshine into her darkest of days in Howler captivity. She owned everything to the boy who was so quick to fall into bed with another woman…the same woman sitting next to her. 

How had everything gotten so complicated so quickly? Where did she go wrong? Ryder had more questions than answers. If she hadn’t walked out on her family all those years ago, would she still be in this situation? Would she have dragged her brother, her friends, Niall into this complicated web filled with lies and deceit? Ryder had been so worried about being selfish, about what was best for her that she never considered what was best for others. What was best for Liam? For Niall? For Harry? The three boys she had only loved had been played, tortured, and ruined because of her. Ryder had convinced herself their lives would have been drastically different if she had not intervened, but then again she was never one to tempt fate. Everything happens for a reason right? “Why did you do it?” 

“What?” Hattie’s grip instinctively tightened around the steering wheel. 

Ryder pushed her head off the glass and turned on the girl, “Why did you come and find me?” 

“That is not what I was expecting you to ask.” Hattie relaxed slightly but pushed a bit hard on the gas, hoping to get out of this awkward situation as quickly as possible. “But uh-I figured I owed you one.” 

“You owed me one? You mean you owed Niall?” 

“Not just him.” The red head glanced over quickly giving Ryder just enough time to see the hurt in her eyes. “You too. I know you think I’m some heartless bitch but I do still care about you, we were friends at one point.” 

“That seems like a lifetime ago.” 

“It was. Not much is the same anymore.” The car became quiet once again both girls facing forward onto the road before them. 

“I’m sorry.” Ryder whispered so soft Hattie almost didn’t hear it. “I know we made plans together…we were going to leave together.” The girl breathed deep, “I didn’t mean to leave you behind.” 

“You never even called.” Hattie took a left turn, pulling into the parkway that lead down to the garage. 

“I couldn’t.” The girl behind the wheel reached out and entered the security code before waiting for the door to open. “I just…I couldn’t have any ties with the Sins.” 

“You always picked up for Liam.” 

“He kind of gave me no choice.” Ryder’s voice began to rise, filling with annoyance. “You know how he is.” Hattie slowly pulled the car into the underground, finding a parking spot right next to the elevator doors. The two girls unbuckled themselves and quickly exited the car, slamming the doors shut with loud echoes. They stepped into the elevator, letting the doors shut before speaking again. 

“I’m sorry for what happened with Niall…for being a massive slut.” Ryder crossed her arms, starring forward. “I was just so hurt. You hurt me and I wanted to hurt you back…I wanted you to feel how I felt when you left.”

“Well you definitely succeeded.” 

“Listen…” Hattie kept her gaze straight ahead as the two road up to the penthouse. “I know were never going to be friends again, there’s too much bad blood between us, but I hope we can at least be civil towards each other.” 

“I don’t know Hattie. I don’t know about anything anymore.” 

The elevator came to a slow stop, leaving Hattie one last moment before the doors opened. “Remember, you’re in charge.” 

It was like a switched was flipped inside Ryder the moment the doors opened and she stepped into the penthouse flat. All the doubt and uneasiness vanished and was quickly replaced with fire and confidence. She physically stood taller, firm, and her eyes grew dark. The girl she had fought against was finally taking control. 

“Where have you been?” Addison was the first to reach the two girls, swooping in to give Ryder a quick embrace. “I’ve been worried sick.” 

“Where’s Liam?” Ryder’s voice was strong as she pulled away from Addison. 

“Right here.” Liam slowly appeared from the kitchen, a nervous Niall following. Ryder caught the blonde’s eye but only for a moment before the rest of the SevenSins slowly started to filter into the room at the newfound commotion. Ryder quickly found herself at the head of the pack, standing before the entirety of the SevenSins, a position she was destined for. 

“Take me to him.” 

“Fine.” Ryder narrowed her eyes at Liam’s quick cooperation. “But you should know he is not alone.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The Howlers. They’re all here.” 

“Where?” 

“Mostly downstairs. The two girls are in the office.” Liam spoke in a matter of fact tone, knowing it was too late to keep anymore secrets from the girl. 

Ryder took a calming breathe, giving her a chance to formulate her plan. “Bauer, give me your gun.” 

“Excuse me?” The burly man asked. “Don’t play dumb. I know you’re always carrying.” Bauer gave her a long hard stare before giving in and pulling a black gun from the back of his waistband. He carefully handed it over to an all too accepting Ryder. “I’m going downstairs.” She stepped back into the elevator, gun in hand hanging loosely at her side. “By myself.” She said just as Liam took a step forward. 

“You’ve got ten minutes.” Her older brother compromised just as the doors shut. Suddenly the gun felt extremely heavy. It was weighing her down like a rock, pulling her further and further under the water; deeper and deeper into the darkness. Ryder was sinking. 

“Hey darlin’.” Harry was the first to speak once Ryder entered the gym. “Long time no see.” The mop of curls were sweaty and sticking to the man’s forehead, falling into his venomous green eyes. 

“Oh this is just great.” Louis said sarcastically as his head fell back against the wall. Ryder moved forward, one step at a time, her eyes never leaving Harry’s. 

Gunshot. 

Harry’s head flew to the side as a bullet pierced the wall behind him. Ryder held a firm grip on the gun, her finger loose against the trigger. The woman’s breathing was strong and labored, the adrenaline coursing through her entire body. Her grip instinctively tightened the moment Harry let out a maniacal laugh. “Someone’s aim is a little rusty.” He turned back to catch Ryder’s eye. 

Gunshot.

A howl of pain shot from Louis’ lips as he squirmed in agony, deep red now seeping into the fabric of his jeans just above his knee. His shouts continued to echo through the room as the other Howlers remained helpless in their restraints. “MOTHER FUCKER!” He screamed out as blood dripped onto the floor. 

“Should I keep going?” Ryder turned the gun towards Novo whose eyes instantly widened. Harry only smiled. 

“Oh come on! Don’t do this!” Novo began to plead frantically. 

Gunshot. 

More screamed filled the gym. Blood splattered against the SevenSins logo on the wall. Novo fell to the side as blood escaped from the bullet hole left in his shoulder. 

“Enough!” Louis shouted, his face growing pale and ghastly. 

“Enough?” Ryder echoed his words. “You think this is enough considering what you lot did to me?” Ryder let the gun fall to her side again as she moved closer towards Harry. She crouched down in front of him, resting on her heels. “There will never be enough punishment for you.” 

“Go on then, darlin.” Harry licked some dried blood from his chapped lips. “Do what you’ve been wanting to do for a long time now.” The woman slowly pulled the gun up, pushing the barrel into the front of Harry’s chest. 

“You don’t get to win.” Ryder snarled as the whimpers of Novo and Louis began to die down. Her finger tightened around the trigger just as a wicked Cheshire grin formed on his lips and a nefarious laugh escaped him. 

“I’ve already won. Just look at you.” Ryder loosened her finger but kept the gun firmly pressed against the man’s chest. “I turned you into exactly what you never wanted to be.” The girl’s eyes shifted to the gun in her hand. The power she held in the situation, the control she had, was entrancing; a feeling she had never experienced before. “I turned you into a Sin.” 

“I was always a Sin.” Ryder growled as she stood up straight. 

“Look at you finally embracing your past. Tired of running then, darlin?” Ryder scowled in defiance. “I must say, this worked out better than I had imagined.” 

“It’s all just a game to you, isn’t it?” The woman’s voice was gravely, “It was always a game.” 

“You have your brother to thank for that. Little Liam, always doing your daddy’s dirty work.” 

“You don’t know anything.” 

“Really?” Harry chuckled. “It didn’t take much to put two and two together.” 

“Why?” Ryder took a step backwards, “Why now? Why take me?” 

“You really thought I would just let you get away with what you did?” Harry’s voice grew, the anger building in his chest. “I believe I already told you, revenge is a nasty little bugger. I've been watching you for years...waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity; for everything to fall into place. I needed the ultimate retribution and you were the key. I take you away and Liam suffers. I give you back broken into pieces and Liam suffers…all the while you suffer the most.” Ryder swallowed hard. “I took everything away from you, turned you into the monster you tried so hard to hide. Killing me will only seal the deal. You’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life. Always a constant reminder running black in your blood.” 

Ryder stood frozen in her spot, her back to Harry as she absorbed everything he said. Harry was right, he had formed the ultimate plan to obtain his revenge. Ryder had followed every direction he gave, even when free from his physical grasp. “It’s time for this to end.” Ryder could feel the tears welling on the rims of her eyes. “Do it, darling.” The girl spun on her heels, dark locks flying in every direction. Her arm was instantly outstretched, gun pointed directly at Harry’s heart. A stray tear fell onto her flushed cheek as she stared at the man in front of her. 

Harry’s eyes slowly softened, turning a calming green. His body relaxed and a tiny smile spread across his face. “We were never meant to be, darlin.” Ryder bit her lip as her free hand came up to help steady the gun. Harry closed his eyes for a moment, looking completely at peace. He opened them to find a stream of tears running down Ryder’s cheeks. Harry spoke two words with such peaceful acceptance he broke the girls heart one last time. “It’s ok.” 

Gunshot. 

The gun instantly slipped from Ryder’s grasp, falling to the floor with a loud clank. Sobs wracked through her chest as the Howlers watched her silently with stunned expressions. The world had stopped around her. The air was thin and Ryder couldn’t catch her breathe. Her vision was clouded. Ryder was broken. “You don’t get to win, Haz.” 

 

An eerie stillness passed over the Sins as they waited. Niall was fidgeting in his spot, watching the clock tick second by second. This was the longest ten minutes he had ever experienced. Liam was not fairing much better. Addie had a gentle hand resting on his bouncing knee as he too watched the clock intently. They were all waiting as if the grim reaper himself were hovering over them; bad news was imminent. 

When the clock reached eight minutes and forty-six seconds the elevator dinged and everyone shot up from their places. The doors opened and Ryder took a step out. She was visibly shaken, her face blotchy and stray tears still falling. No one spoke. They all watched her, waiting for words some hoped they would never hear. “I’m leaving.” 

“What?” Niall shot forward, pushing past the group to stop in front of Ryder. Her broken blue eyes met his and before either of them knew what was happening, the girl had lunged forward her lips connecting with his. The pair kissed with such force, an undeniable connection. Ryder’s hands ran along Niall’s neck, playing with his hair as Niall pulled her in closer to him. A wetness danced upon the boy’s cheek and only then did he realize Ryder was crying again. The pair finally broke apart, Ryder having to pull herself out of Niall’s firm grasp. She took a step back, eventually separating herself completely from him. 

“I have to go.” She whimpered. 

“Where are you going?” Liam took a step forward. 

“I don’t know.” She turned to her brother. “But don’t come looking for me.” 

“Ryder…” 

“I mean it, Liam. Don’t come looking for me.” The girl’s eyes scanned over the crowd of SevenSins before her, lingering a moment too long on Hattie. “None of you.” The room grew instantly solemn. 

“What about the Howlers?” Ryder paused for a minute before her eyes landed back on her older brother. 

“Let them go.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Don’t cry, you’re mine, for forever. For forever.   
I need you now, more than ever. More than ever.   
Head full of lies, sun in my eyes, you make it easy.   
Don’t look away, these are the days, you gotta believe me.” 

 

There was a small chatter flowing through the rows of seats filled with friends and family from near and far. A momentous occasion such as this called for a grand audience and one had appeared in impressive fashion. The room was soaring with joyous voices and friendly reminders of the SevenSins legacy; a remembrance of the prestige many held firm to. The string quartet was filling the spaces with graceful notes and charming melodies. Men were dressed in their tailored tuxes and colorful ties. Woman in their favorite dresses with ruby lips. The crowd had gathered to give their love and blessings to the happy couple. 

Even with the commotion of the festivities, Liam couldn’t seem to clear his mind. The last year had been one of complete change; a year of transitions and adjustments. Thanks to their leader, the Sins had been able to maintain their reputation, enforcing their law upon others, while minimizing the bloodshed. Liam thought it could never have been done but somehow the Sins had been able to break the mold of their founding fathers. The man would never say, but he secretly knew it was because of Ryder. The stance she consistently took against the family business had finally pushed deep enough into the bones of the organization and allowed for it to transform. 

Ryder was constantly on Liam’s mind. In every decision he made and breathe he breathed, she was there. Like an itch he couldn’t scratch; a picture he couldn’t erase. Just like she had said, his baby sister disappeared that night. For the second time, she cut all ties from the SevenSins and tried to start anew. Except this time, she cut Liam off completely. At least she used to answer his calls. Oh, how he missed hearing her voice, even if it was telling him to fuck off. He missed her more than he even thought possible. Especially today, when she should be walking down the aisle ahead of his bride. When Ryder should be standing next to him as he vowed to love Addison till his least breathe. When his younger sister should be telling an embarrassing story tied into her maid of honor speech. Instead, he hadn’t heard from her at all. She left the puzzle unfinished, a void never to be filled.

As if someone had stood and quieted the crowed, the voices slowly hushed and the music paused. In that moment of silence, Liam could feel his heart threatening to leap out of his throat. His stomach was swirling with a hurricane of butterflies and suddenly his tie felt like it was suffocating. His palms began to sweat as he rubbed them against the front of his black dress pants. “Deep breathe, boss.” Bauer leaned forward, placing two big hands over Liam’s shoulders. “This is it.” He gave the man a swift and hearty pat as the last inch of air left Liam’s lungs. As the soft strings began to play Canon in D, he looked out into the seated crowed; faces and names from his past, watching him with gleaming eyes. Big sat in the second row, his fingers itching for a quick pull of his cigar. He was surrounded by his loyal followers dressed in their best. Behind him sat the Outliers; an extension of the Sins based out of Dublin. Rows and rows of people watched as Liam waited. 

The music began to swell as soon as Bexley rounded the corner, a bouquet of lilac and white flowers in her hands and strings of babies breathe weaved into her dark locks. Her perfectly tailored baby pink bridesmaids dressed flowed effortlessly around her. The girl smiled brightly, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose one last time before gracefully walking down the aisle towards Liam and his groomsmen. When Bexley was about half way, an angelic looking Hattie stepped out behind her. The redhead’s hair was pulled back from her face, leaving rosy tinted cheeks and pale eyes on full display. Her grip tightened around her bouquet as eyes turned to her. Never one for the ‘All eyes on you’ concept, Hattie kept her stare forward and focused on a gleaming Killian who looked so proud he could have cried. The woman took her place next to Bexley on the side of the alter, giving Liam a smirk of encouragement. 

The SevenSins leader thought he had no more breathe to be taken away but the moment Addison stepped into his sightline he felt his heart flutter. It was a feeling he had never experienced before. The man hadn’t realized he had begun to cry until Schmidty fished a tissue out of his pocket and handed it to him. Addison radiated beauty; it seeped from her pores and shone in her wet eyes. Her feminine white dress accentuated her small frame and snow white skin. The lace overlay ran over the sweetheart neckline, along her collar bones, and over her shoulders; cascading down her arms and stopping just below her elbows. A silk ribbon with a beaded pendant was tied around Addie’s waist with a loose, delicate bow hanging on the small of her back which created a smooth transition between the lace bodice and soft tulle skirt. Her long chestnut waves fell down her back in perfect formation, only hiding under the faintest of vails. The bridal look was completed with a fragile array of frost color roses and matching babies breathe weaved into a crown placed gently atop her head. Women in the audience gasped at her beauty.

The dress was gorgeous but Liam payed no attention, he couldn’t take his eyes off of hers. They were locked onto each other, hanging with every fragment of love like the last leaf to fall in the autumn. Their synchronized smiles shone bright as Addison gracefully glided down the aisle. The world around them began to blur, the music fading away. The closer she got, the more Liam wanted to scoop her up in his arms and whisk her away to be his and only his. A selfish act of course but I didn’t matter to him. The man had never seen someone so astonishingly beautiful, nor had he ever been so sure of a decision before. After years and years of calculation and planning everything in his life down to the wire, this was a decision that came easier than them all. 

The music faded once Addison had joined Liam at the head of the room. The two shared a joint laugh as they collected themselves and dried their tears. Liam reached up, whipping a stray tear from the woman’s face while brushing her cheek. Addison instinctively leaned in to his palm, closing her eyes for only a moment as their entire world watched. 

“Good afternoon and welcome.” Schmidty cleared his throat, sliding between Addison and Liam and opening a leather bound book in his hands. “I want to begin by thanking everyone who has joined us today. One of the wonderful things about a wedding is that it also serves as a kind of multi-family reunion, and it always pleases me at how far people are willing to travel to be here on a day like this, for an event like this, which just goes to show you how important it is to mark these happy transitions in our lives.” The SevenSins looked out into the audience from their respective places at the alter. Hattie, in particular, was looking for a certain set of blue eyes that were nowhere to be found. 

“Liam James Payne and Addison Charlotte White are here today to take a brave step forward in their relationship. Today they will make the ultimate commitment to each other, a commitment which is the ultimate expression of love. My two best friends are committing themselves to one another’s hearts, to share in all of life’s incredible moments, and to help assist in making each other’s dreams realities.” 

“In order to keep this brief and to get straight to the festivities, we will now exchange rings.” Both Schmidty and Liam turned towards Killian who carefully pulled a small black box from his pocket, handing it over to the tall, lanky officiate. “Liam, please take this ring and place upon Addison’s finger while reciting your vows.” Schmidty handed over a diamond engraved wedding band, in which Liam slid effortlessly onto his bride’s finger. 

“Addison, I love you with all my heart, with all my soul. My heart is in this ring, my love is in this ring and I give this to you as a symbol of my love and undying devotion to you.” Liam’s voice was becoming unsteady as he poured his heart out to the only woman he ever loved. “You have brought sunshine to my darkest of days and have showed me compassion and kindness when I didn’t deserve it. You’re beauty and grace has forever taken my breath away. My eyes only search for you. When you look at this ring, remember that I love you always.” 

Addison was clearly crying, as were the rest of the bridesmaids, when she reached out a shaky hand and took a shiny, silver ring from Schmidty. She even managed a laugh when she almost dropped it due to nervous fingers. After a second, the girl composed herself and turned to her almost husband. “Liam, I love you. I love you more than you or the world will ever know. You are the missing piece to my puzzle and through good times and bad, we always will come out on top together. My heart is in this ring, my love is in this ring and I give this to you as a symbol of my love and dedication to you.” More tears fell down her cheeks as she slid the ring onto Liam’s finger. “In sickness and in health, till death do we part, when you look at this ring, remember that I love you always.”

“And now, I get to say something we all have been looking forward to hearing for years.” Schmidty closed his book and smiled brightly. “By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!” 

The crowd erupted into a fit of cheers and applause, quickly rising to their feet in celebration. Liam wasted no time in pulling Addison into him, their lips instantly locking in the most important kiss of their lives. He held her close, using his strong hands to hold her waist as he dipped her down and pressed his lips onto hers. “Oi! Oi!” Bauer shouted from behind them once they finally came up for air. The entire room was elated with joy and happiness, as if everything that had happened only one year ago was just a distant memory; so easily forgotten and pushed into the deepest corners of their minds, never to resurface. 

Liam never let his grip falter as the two newlyweds laced their fingers together. Addison grabbed her bouquet from Hattie and held it loosely in one hand, waving it around in circles, as they exited the room to the upbeat music and outpouring love and support of their closest family and friends. The wedding party casually followed behind. Hattie linking arms with her twin, dancing down the aisle, followed by Bauer, Denver, and Tex. Finally, Schmidty looped his arm around Bexley’s elbow and escorted her out as the cheers began to subside. 

 

As celebrations carried on, elsewhere in London the mood was much more somber. The Howler household continued to fall to pieces as the year passed. After narrowly escaping their much awaited death sentence, the members of the gang were at a complete standstill. Their business had slowed due to rumors flying of their bad blood with the SevenSins. They had quickly learned that the loyalties to the Sins rode deep within many. No matter who Louis tried to create partnerships with, they inevitably found out about their stance against the Sins. The Howler reputation was no more. The members all found themselves without a purpose and turned to alcohol and partying to pass the time. 

“Another.” Louis forcefully slammed his glass down on the basement bar counter. His glass was sloppily filled by a slurring and clumsy Novo. As with every first sip, the man was reminded of how it just never tasted the same when Bug didn’t make it…and with every thought of Bug, his wandering mind would land on the image of his best friend, laying at his feet. Louis took a long hard drink, shaking the thoughts from his mind. 

“So this is how you’re going to spend your night?” Quinn stumbled her way down the stairs in heels much too tall. Her gold sequined dress rode up her thighs as she walked, leaving little to the imagination. The girl’s platinum ice hair fell into her eyes as she watch Louis smugly. “Again?” 

“Fuck off.” Louis snarled as Novo filled his glass tumbler again. 

“I plan on it.” Quinn clicked her heels across the floor as she walk around the back of the bar. The two boys watched her with dark, drunken eyes. “Pick me up tonight?” The blonde pushed herself up against Novo. Her soft hand pushed his shaggy hair away from his face before running down the side of her cheek. The question wouldn’t have been complete without a tempting lick of the lips and the batting of her eyelashes. Novo’s hand fumbled its way around Quinn’s side before finding a comfortable spot on her backside. 

“Mhmm.” The boy mumbled, leaning into her and grabbed a fistful of her ass. 

“Oh give me a fucking break.” Louis scoffed, breaking the two apart. “Go get your slut on somewhere else.” 

“Fuck you.” Quinn rolled her eyes as she straightened out her dress. 

“Funny how I’m the only one you haven’t.” Louis laughed when the girl’s expression soured. 

“Screw you, Louis.” 

“Hah! Another good one!” 

“At least I’m getting laid and not sitting around drowning my sorrows over pour decision making that not only ended in some of your best friends deaths but almost everyone’s. Grow the fuck up.” 

“Don’t act like you weren't doing the same thing last year, sweetheart.” 

“And just look how far I’ve come despite being under your command.” Quinn used fake air quotes for flare, knowing she was only picking a fight that would make things worse than they already were. 

“Don’t you have some fuck boy to get to? Find a new dumpster to shag behind?” 

“You’re such a pain in my ass.” Quinn took a pull from the closest open bottle. 

“I don’t even know why you’re still here.” Louis finished his drink. “At least Waverly had the decency to leave when she wasn’t wanted anymore.” 

Quinn threw the bottle in her hand against the wall where it shattered with a loud bang, leaving glass littering the floor like glitter. “Waves left because she couldn’t stand to look at your fucking face anymore! She couldn’t stand to be in this house! The same house where her boyfriend was murdered because of you! When are you going to realize that it’s all your fault? Everything is your fault!” Louis’ grip tightened around his glass as Novo sunk back into the wall as if trying to disappear. “All this shit with the Sins, Bug, Zayn, Harry…everything is your fault! I haven’t talked to my best friend in months. I haven’t slept a single night without waking up terrified that someone was standing over me with a gun to my head. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen my own brother.” 

“You don’t think I know that?” Louis got to his feet, charging at the girl. “You don’t think I realize how fucked up everything is?!” The irate man pushed up against Quinn, forcing her to stumble backwards against the wall. “I don’t need another Styles getting into my head.” 

“What the fuck is going on?” Hopper appeared from the shadows of the hallway. “Let her go.” The burly man spoke roughly when he caught a glimpse of the scene before him. Louis had Quinn pushed up against the wall, two hands leaving indents and bruises against her biceps. The Howler boss instantly let go and backed away, allowing the visibly shaken girl to scurry up the stairs and out of sight. It didn’t take long for Louis to find himself seated at the bar again. 

“What!?” Louis yelled as all eyes were watching him.

“We can’t keep doing this man.” Hopper shook his head, not moving from his spot. Louis’ ice blue eyes looked up to meet his. “Maybe it’s time the Howler’s disbanded.” The boss watched him for a moment before reaching for his glass. 

“Another.” 

 

The room was filled with laugher and cheers. The drinks were flowing and the dance floor was filled. The SevenSins never threw a party that was not in the least bit considered grand. The tables were lined with white linen that would no doubt have beer or mashed potatoes spilled upon it at some point in the night. No champagne glass went unfilled. The Outlier’s provided their best Irish reels for party goers to dance to. Killian had even joined in; borrowing a fiddle and playing along to his hometown songs. Denver and Tex were busy trying to pull with the wide array of women at their disposal. Denver used his best charm towards any girl who caught his eye. Bauer had joined the dance floor only after being pulled out by Matilda and Laura. The three were now spinning in circles, laughing, while Tilly’s pink dress tangled in her feet. 

Liam and Addison had been inseparable the entire night. The pair mingled and greeted every person with beaming smiles and gratitude for their attendance. They danced together and cut the cake. Addie even smearing some of the white frosting across her husband’s cheek. They ate and drank and relished in the idea of being newlyweds. As it appeared to everyone around, the pair were the epitome of picture perfect. The night was a flawless celebration. 

A certain redhead watched from her table, nursing her fourth glass of champagne. She observed everyone as they celebrated. She smiled at their smiles and tapped her feet along to the beat of her brother’s fiddle. She took another bite of cake when she noticed Bexley and Schmidty dancing happily across the room. Hattie wanted so much to enjoy herself on a night that didn’t come around very often. It wasn’t very often the SevenSins were able to participating in a night of such happiness. Their usual monotonous lifestyle was one of a much darker nature. Not only had the Sins lifestyle change but Hattie’s had as well. The woman’s services were not needed as much anymore and she quickly found herself struggling to find ways to occupy her time. Most days spent walking the streets of London or at the gun range and most nights spent at End Zone. It had become so repetitive and uninteresting that even Addison had offered to teach her to bake, hoping a hobby would enlighten the girl. 

She watched the happy couple longingly, if anything, as her eyes scanned through the crowds from her position at the head table. Hattie let the last sip of her drink wet her lips when her eyes landed on someone she was not planning on seeing tonight. Standing awkwardly in the doorway, with a navy tie perfectly running down his chest was a man she hadn’t seen in weeks. 

Niall shifted on his feet, pushing his hands further into his pockets as he second guessed his decision to come. When Ryder left him, he couldn’t help but stick around with the SevenSins in hopes that she would suddenly change her mind and come back but after a few months of no contact, he decided it was time to move on. He gathered his things from the makeshift bedroom and said his goodbyes. Since then, Niall had kept to himself even when Hattie had reached out. She wouldn’t have even known Niall had sold the flat he once shared with Ryder unless she hadn’t driven by looking for him. Even with the boy deciding to decline Liam’s offer to stay, the SevenSins still kept an eye over him and that was the only reason Hattie knew he was now living in a small, one bedroom flat above a pub where he worked. 

The girl observed him curiously, sensing the internal struggle he was having. Niall was just about to turn around and walk out when Denver spotted him from the bar. Hattie watched as the Sin swept him up into a manly hug and they began to chat. Eventually, other members of the Sins had spotted Niall as well and were making their way over to greet him. “I’m so glad you decided to come.” Addison pulled him into a small hug while the blonde kissed her cheek. 

“You look beautiful.” Niall said. 

“It’s good to see you.” Liam went in for a stiff handshake. 

“Congratulations to the both of you.” Niall smiled wide and it was then that he and Liam exchanged an unspoken conversation and their eyes grew sad. It was also then that Hattie pushed her way through the crowed and appeared behind the group. 

“Hey stranger.” Her recognizable Irish tone caused the crowed to split, giving Niall a full view of the girl in her bridesmaids dress. 

“Enjoy yourself.” Liam gave the boy a pat on the shoulder before he grabbed his wife’s hand and pulled her away, the rest of the group following. 

Hattie smiled sweetly, somewhat unsure of what to say. “So, um, how have you been?” 

“Good.” Niall answered quickly as both were very aware of the awkwardness between them. “You?” 

“Alright.” The two once friends shared in a moment of silences before the band began a new song. “You, ah, you want a drink?” 

“Sure.” 

After the two had paid a visit to the bar they found an empty table near the back of the room, sitting casually and watching the festivities. “How have things been?” The redhead took a sip of her newest glass. 

“Alright, I guess.” Niall nodded, “I, uh, got a job at this pub working behind the bar at night.” Hattie looked surprised as if she already didn’t know everything Niall had been doing. “It’s ok, something to do I guess.” 

“Keeps your mind off things?” 

“Yeah.” More silence as they caught a glimpse of Bauer lifting Tilly to sit on his shoulders, her curls now visible above the crowd. “What about you?” 

“Things are…different. Not bad, nor good I suppose.” 

“Yeah, I haven’t read much about the Sins in the papers lately.” 

“Things have been very quiet. You can thank Liam for that.” 

“I suppose that’s for the best then, yeah?” Niall let out a low chuckle. 

“I guess. It does get quite lonely sometimes.” Hattie tread lightly as the smile from Niall’s face faded. “I miss my best friend a lot.” The boy took another sip of his beer before speaking again. 

“You know why I can’t be there.” He said lowly. 

“Jesus, Niall, it’s not like I’m asking you to marry me. Just get together for a cup of tea or a drink sometime. Plus, it’s been like a year since everything.” 

“It’s not like I can just get over all of that, just get over Ryder. It’s not that easy.” 

“I’m not saying it’s easy but how long are you going to hold on?” 

“Until she comes back.” 

A clinking sound quickly interrupted the pair’s conversation and all eyes turned to Liam and Addison standing in the middle of the dance floor, the SevenSins boss with a microphone in hand. “Excuse me! Can I have your attention please?” The room slowly started to quiet until only a hushed whisper was heard. “My wife and I...” Liam pulled the microphone away and laughed, “Boy I’ve been waiting for a long time to say that! Anyways, my wife and I just want to take a moment to personally thank all of you for coming out to celebrate this momentous occasion with us. We know some of you have traveled far to be with us and we could not be more great full.” Addie smiled brightly out into the crowed, pushing herself into Liam’s side.

“I am beyond thrilled to start the next adventure of my life with this woman standing next to me but we cannot begin without first taking a moment to recognize and thank everyone who, unfortunately, is not here to celebrate with us today. I want to take a moment to acknowledge both my parents and Addie’s parents who are no longer with us. We know that they will watch over us and guide us through this next part of our lives.” Again, Liam let the mic slip as he took a breath and collected his thoughts, clearly getting emotional as everyone knew who he was thinking about. “I also want to acknowledge every SevenSins member, Outliers member, and their families for their sacrifices, support and loyalty. We would not be gathered here today without it.” 

Liam passed the microphone to his wife. “I could not be more thrilled to officially join this family and to stand with this man for the rest of my life. I am forever thankful for the faith and trust you have bestowed us with. I hope that we can do you all proud. We are a family after all so again, thank you.” The audience erupted into applause and cheers as drinks were raised and a kiss was exchanged between the couple. 

“Who needs another drink?” Liam hollered out in a laugh when the crowd began to disperse and go about their party adventures. Addison looped her arm around Liam’s elbow, placing her free hand on his bicep. “She’ll call.” She whispered, “She has to call.” 

 

On the other side of the world, the sun was just beginning to set over the New York City skyline. Shades of golden yellow and burnt orange illuminated the sky before disappearing behind a display of elaborate buildings. The city was alive with people venturing home from work, bundled up in their winter attire. Cabs were honking their horns in the nightly traffic jams, but Ryder’s small apartment was a relaxing quiet. The girl had found herself cuddled up in a chair next to her partially drawn curtains. There was a half empty glass of red wine on the table in front of her, a book laying loosely open over her blanket covered lap. The dim light of the room was just enough for the raven haired girl to finish re-reading one of her favorite plays. 

Montague: But I can give thee more;  
For I will raise her statue in pure gold;   
That while Verona by that name is known.   
There shall no figure at such rate be set as that of true and faithful Juliet. 

Capulet: As rich shall Romeo by his lady lie;  
Poor sacrifices of our enmity!

Prince: A glooming peace this morning with it brings;   
the sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:   
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things:   
Some shall be pardon’d and some punished:   
For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo. 

Ryder closed the book softly, an extreme feeling of nostalgia rushing over her which she attributed to the wine. She inhaled deeply, looking around the living room that was surprisingly clean given the week she had just had. The girl eventually pulled the blanket away from her, letting it fall onto the floor carelessly. She stood, grabbed her glass and wandered into the galley kitchen. The sink was filled with dirty plates and spoons and glasses but she didn’t care, it would still be there for her to do tomorrow. She set her glass down in the only space she could find open. Her long hair was tied into a low pony but even then it threatened to fall into the dirty water sitting in a bowl. 

The girl began to turn off the lights as she walked through her apartment, getting ready to shower and turn in for the night. She looked through every room, making sure everything was in its place. Ryder stopped in one last room before moving to her own. There was soft music playing; Mozart, her favorite composer. One small light sitting on a dresser gave a warm glow to the room. As she did every night before bed, Ryder leaned over the railings of the crib, her eyes landing on the picture of a sleeping baby. His light brown curls were sprawled in every direction underneath his head. His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink and he only kicked his legs once when Ryder placed a gentle hand across his belly. 

"Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Mamma’s gonna buy you a mockingbird…."


End file.
